Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

And make sure it's paid for.
Those 30min free session are often lip service to get you to pay up.

Even then....a lot of solicitors will promise you a win because anything is money in theor pockets.

I'm not suggesting that she trys to get more. I'm suggesting that she has someone on her side dotting the ì and crossing the t

Your link says

If the unmarried couple have a child or children, then the provisions of the Children Act 1989 apply when the parties go their separate ways. If an unmarried partner has dependent children, then they will be able to continue living in the property provided by their former partner and they may also be able to claim a carer’s allowance for that child or those children. These rights will terminate once the child, or the youngest of them if more than one, has reached 18 years of age or completed his or her full-time education. Once the children are adults, you will lose the right to stay in the property and the allowance.

In this case dad is staying in the house! So kids can stay anyway

And it does not cover if house is sold
It makes a lot of assumptions
And "carer s allowance " is odd phrase to use as that is only applicable for children with disabilities

"Property provided" makes a lot if assumptions too.

if you are married

you are not - it gets split and you both get a clean break

Well dad isn't staying - yet. I'd have to agree to sell to him. I suppose I could refuse buy out and insist on sale?

However if I refuse, I'm guessing he'll take me to court and I'll be even worse off if I lose, which I suppose is likely given what is said here.

And your children hating you.

If you refuse and he stops paying the mortgage, can you afford to run the house on just your wage for as long as it takes to sell?

He may or may not take you to court if you refuse to sell it to him and instead want to put it on the market. But then neither of you has the house, you split the equity after fees and he will be in a better position to buy a bigger place as he has a higher salary. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t then offer to lend you a rent deposit and help with furniture and the first month of rent.

If you try and refuse to sell it at all, then yes, he will take you to court, and he would (I think) have the right to move back in, given it is jointly owned, in order to save money. More likely, he will stop covering the whole mortgage and bills.

At a huge stretch, maybe dipping into savings or borrowing from my parents...which I'll need to pay back as my father doesn't do freebies. I'd have a considerable drop in standard of living.

You are about to have a considerable drop in standard of living whatever happens!

You were always going to have a drop in the standard of living. You're getting divorced it's a given.

Bit if you sell it he can still buy it !!

How nasty are you. A fucking lodger. Show some respect for their relationship - she is the mother of his children and they have been together for circa 20 years. OP’s ex thinks more highly of her than a lot husbands think of their wives. Have a word with yourself.

Separating - OP isn't married. But unfortunately seems to have spent years assuming that she'd get the protections given by marriage despite not seeing the point of it.

OP if you can't afford to run the house yourself then you are on a hiding to nothing. You can't afford the bills on your own, and you can't afford to buy him out. What did you expect - him to continue to pay the mortgage indefinitely despite the fact you've split up and he's moved out?

The mortgage AND child maintaince.....

And I have to be honest the bit that's most surprising is that OP called for the separation. So she had time to prepare. How is she the blindsided one?

I'd missed that - in which case, good luck OP. He may not be paying much attention to his pension now. That may change when he realises he can save CMS payments by upping his pension contributions. Plus you'll only get CMS for the eldest now if they are still in full time education - and that stops when they're 20.

you are on a hiding to nothing if you try to fight either him buying you out or trying to stay with him laying everything.

but I fear you will learn that the hard way

anyway I’m out as you are not listening or accepting your position. You were naive to expect to separate and have no drop in living standards and him remaining to pay everything even when you earn 50k. That’s just not reality.

so, go waste all your money if you wish.

OP I think you are facing a hard lesson here. I sincerely hope you manage to find a way forward and reach an agreement with your Ex.

On your earlier point about talking to your DD about marriage - it would be worth understanding exactly what it does before dismissing it. It's not "just a piece of paper" and whilst everyone should go into marriage with their eyes open, if you decide to stay unmarried and have children you should be equally as clear sighted about what this means for you.

Hogwash. From a legal standpoint, not a relationship standpoint, she has fewer rights than a lodger or tenant. He is being extremely gracious under the circumstances, especially since SHE asked him to leave.

Their shared personal/domestic history is irrelevant from a legal standpoint. Because they "don't believe in" marriage. Yet somehow she expects the same legal protection as a married woman would have. She freely admits she has not paid toward the house, he has.

Honestly, I have been listening..it's just a hard pill to swallow given my assumptions. The crazy thing is that I was telling him he'd have no chance due to the children and his response was that I need to wake up as these things don't actually play out like they do on TV. Turns out he was right.

Thankyou for your input, I sincerely mean that.

Why are you dumping him anyway?

Seems silly but lots of reasons. For example, we are quite different, he is more introverted whilst I'm quite extroverted. He likes his space whereas I'd like people around all the time which he hated, was happy with it sometimes but other times he just wanted some peace.

He was quite focused on giving us and the children financial stability and setting them up well whereas I was more leaning towards letting them work it out for themselves. So, there was friction which didn't help.

My mother said I won't find someone like him again.

Is there no hope for your relationship? Would he be open to trying to work on it? Counselling?

If no then you need to make plans for downsizing and find somewhere you can afford to live.

He was quite focused on giving us and the children financial stability and setting them up well whereas I was more leaning towards letting them work it out for themselves. So, there was friction which didn't help.
You weren't really leading by example were you? Given that he provided and still does all the financial stability for you?