Child maintenance at 19

[glb1989]

My husband is paying child maintenance for his two children.
one of them is 19. She completed a 2 year level 3 course and has now started another level 3 course on an unrelated topic.

she already holds a level 3 qualification; should he be supporting via child maintenance for a decision which keeps her out of employment for even longer? I understand supporting her education to a level 3 but not twice.

Would be interested to hear from anyone with experience in this

I think whether you agree with it or not, it’s his daughter & assuming it’s his money that he goes to work to earn, it’s is up to him. You’re the wife yes, but she is his daughter & he can spend his money on her in whichever way he wants.

Once A Levels are complete, employment comes next, rent is paid.. 🤷🏼‍♀️
if they go to uni, ok, might need some support (direct to them), but they’d work too, so they learn life isn’t free…..

isn’t there an unemployment issue in this country because of mollycoddling adults? Or does the legal age of an “adult” need increasing perhaps?!

The child's mother is still feeding and housing and clothing her while she studies so she does need child many

But CM is only 11-12% of your salary? A token contribution towards the cost of clothing and housing a child?

So you keep your finances separate from your DH then? Because you shouldn't be sponging this money you would like him to stop paying his young adult daughter and divert to bills instead.

How do you know so much about how she is being brought up and the course she is doing if you and your husband don’t see her??

Even if she was studying something on a pathway to success I’d support it. As it’s a game manipulated by Mum talking advantage of the maturity she’s not instilled into said individual, I don’t agree.

Frankly, it’s nothing to do with you and it’s not your place to support what she studies.

And of course it’s always 100% the mum at fault and not the father who’s been happy doing bottom of the barrel parenting, barely seeing his kids for the past decade or so.

My finances are very much separate and my salary greater than his. It’s the issue of not teaching a young adult how to succeed and a woman with grown up children to be working only part time and showing a young adult that as a woman you can milk the system I disagree with.

we offered these young adults a holiday abd they asked mum (asked at 19!!) and were told their passports had been hidden. They wanted to come, she limited opportunity. See??? There’s a fundamental issue with that!!

Sounds like she needs decent career advice, why do 3 level 3 qualifications? She should be working up to somewhere that can give her the best chance of a job.
I agree she should be paying, or your ex husband should be helping still whilst child is still in education.

Yes agreed and not the issue here really, should he have been there a second Mickey Mouse course wouldn’t have been the path , instead mum lead her to this to buy herself two more years.

He has to pay CM until she's 20 if she's in approved education. That is his legal obligation. No point getting pissy about it because it's going to happen regardless. I'm sorry if you're struggling financially but ultimately his responsibility to provide for his kids come above everything else.

You've said your DH doesn't see the kids at all, and hasn't even been to court to try.

How do you know the child has been manipulated into continuing their education just to spite you?

Yes!!!! Parenting with life advice and career guidance! Totally agree!!
go to college so mum keeps money coming in is not right!!

It’s the issue of not teaching a young adult how to succeed

Where was all this concern for him teaching his kids how to succeed when you admit he doesn’t see them?
If he was so concerned about being an active father why did he never even attempt to gain contact time?

It's appropriate to support dc in young adulthood if they are in full time education. Where parents are split up, child maintenance may be appropriate if they are not splitting their time 50/50 and the nrp is not paying 50% of joint expenses directly. Why should one parent be responsible for looking after them after 18?

My exh paid maintenance until dc left university

My court agreement has child maintenance due until they are 23 if they are in full time education (type not specified)

I moved out when I was 18, but many students return home in holidays, and my parents certainly continued to support me with tescos shops and things like paying my first term's rent throughout Uni - I think it's admirable and sensible for a parent to continue to give their (only just) adult child some financial support if they can.

She’s under 20 and in approved non- advanced education, so I would have thought child maintenance continues. As neither of you are involved day to day, your opinions on whether she should be wasting her time doing another level 3 course aren’t relevant to her. Obviously if she then moves on to university, sending money directly will make the most sense.

Your husband needs to put his daughter first.

It's a difference in basic values, I'm afraid. You think children should leave education as soon as they are legally allowed to and start earning and paying rent. Some people think children should be supported to pursue education for as long as they are able and willing to, achieve their full potential and transition to independence when they are ready. Your husband is one of the latter type. It's his daughter and his money, so I doubt any amount of bosom-hoiking from you is going to dissuade him 🤷🏻‍♀️

"Child maintenance stops on 31 August on or after your child's 16th birthday if they leave education or training.

It can continue until your child turns 20 if they stay in approved education or training."

Approved education must be full-time (> an average of 12 hours a week or supervised study or course-related work experience) and can include A levels or similar, T levels, Scottish Highers, NVQs and most vocational qualifications up to level 3, home education, traineeships.

So, bottom line, yes, he should still be paying. It doesn't matter how many level 3 qualifications she's doing, she's doing one and she's 19.

You sound very bitter OP.

My DS left school saying he wasn't going to uni, got a job, realised life on minimum wage was awful so decided to go to uni. He chose a course I did not think he'd do well at. He failed his first year. He went on to graduate with the highest First in his year.

Should I have stopped supporting him because I thought him going to uni was just a tactic to keep being maintained for another 3 years (which I did think, at the time) instead of having to be an adult?

Your kids are your kids and you support them while they need support. She's decided she wants to do another course and her father is making a contribution. Good for him. You should stay out of it, because your opinions sound mean and self-interested.

If mum is withholding their passports then that’s abuse and a legal issue. Call the police. As their father, he should call the police as a concerned parent of a daughter who is being abused and denied access to her legal documents.
Just like he could have gone to court for access, which is what a real father does.

Again, you haven’t asked about the contact?
So accusing without facts?

At 19 and doing a level 3 he is legally obliged to pay. My ex had to pay as my daughter did a level 4 at 19. That's a legal argument.
Morally of course he should support her in education, mums costs haven't just gone away overnight! My ex pays not a single penny towards my daughter's university education, neither of them even get £5. Yet his other family are off to Disney again next week the second time this year. He's a poor excuse of a dad and both daughters know it!
Your husband is absolutely doing the right thing morally and legally by his daughter, and there's nothing wrong in that whatsoever