Child maintenance at 19

[glb1989]

My husband is paying child maintenance for his two children.
one of them is 19. She completed a 2 year level 3 course and has now started another level 3 course on an unrelated topic.

she already holds a level 3 qualification; should he be supporting via child maintenance for a decision which keeps her out of employment for even longer? I understand supporting her education to a level 3 but not twice.

Would be interested to hear from anyone with experience in this

Agree, my child never saw that money, wasn't even invited on these holidays. If it went direct at the age of 19 I would have happily paid!

I find it so bizzare how many women find it attractive and preferable for a man to be the bare minimum father. It honestly blows my mind!
It’s completely normal for parents to still help their children beyond the age of 18, whether that’s having to top up their loan at uni or continue to support them at home while they find their feet with work or continue education locally as this girl is doing.
It’s economically stupid to move out at 18 these days given the difference between earnings and rent.

He is continuing to support his daughter and his ex who houses her full time while the daughter is in further education, this is completely reasonable.

She isn't your child so it isn't your concern. Unless it is money you have earned that he is paying with.
19 is no age, she may legally be an adult but it's practically impossible for a 19 year old to support themselves in 2024.
How lovely for her that her dad understands this and doesn't leave her mother unable to pay bills and buy food for HIS child.

OP I am in agreement with you!

That all parents should stop providing anything for their child financially the day and hour they turn 18? Even though many 18 year olds still have months of their A levels to go? Or should it stop at 16?

No, that if a child has completed a level 3 course and passed, and they have a parent who encourages them to do another in order to keep the other parent paying CM (as in my case) it should not be allowed.

FYI my child also receives £650 a month in PIP for a disability, non means tested.

I have been used as a bank for my ex husbands greed which he admits!

I would say at 19, it pretty normal for parents to giving their child money if they are still studying. There is nothing wrong with her doing an additional course.

This is where your wrong.
I’d love him to be involved and teach these young adults the value of money and set an example rather than let them be with a controlling and coercive mother who does not set a positive example. However, he’s not given the opportunity to guide them and be involved yet is still shelling out.

My husband had obviously moved on- but picture the scene a man doesn’t find a new partner. How they’d be expected to pay extortionate money in maintenance and house themselves, I don’t know. The system is set up for women to manipulate and it makes no practical sense

So your husband went to court for access and a judge actually ordered no contact? Wow. That doesn’t happen often; men can beat their wives and kids and still get contact ordered by a court. Interesting that your husband was banned by a court from seeing his kids. And now doesn’t feel he should support his kid through her education.

The system is absolutely not set up in favour of women. You clearly have no idea.

Based on the OP’s history she wants his children off the books and out of their life so she can move on with the new baby she wants with him. I wonder if she will be so strict about contributing to expenses when their shared child turns 18.

If she wasn't doing anything, I'd agree with you. If he can afford it, then he should help pay for his daughter's household expenses such as food and utilities because it's an unfair burden on his ex.

Once she's finished studying I would expect her to get a full time job and pay her way.

How they’d be expected to pay extortionate money in maintenance and house themselves, I don’t know. The system is set up for women to manipulate and it makes no practical sense

🤦‍♀️ court mandated maintenance is the bare minimum, it really doesn’t cover 50% of expenses for children of a reasonable standard. It’s far, far from extortionate.

You need to take yourself out of this situation. You are very worked up and it’s coming across as you being nasty towards a young girl.

You may have been ready to independent or been forced to be independent at 17, but DH’s daughter obviously isn’t ready yet. And while she may legally be an adult at 19 there is a big difference in maturity levels among older teenagers.

Sorry op you are sounding very bitter with generalisations about the system being unfair.

Aren't people allowed to study a course, change their mind about their future and do another? I would hope to support my children as much as possible through their education and I’m sure my ex would agree.

Ah I wondered if the OP had or wanted children with him. I hope you have the same plans to withdraw all financial support and kick out your own offspring the day they finish A Levels.

Nobody has been to court??????

What an AWFUL MAN

I Do have children.
they’ll be taught to work as early as it’s possible and they won’t be dilly dallying after A Levels either… I’m sorry, but you have to go out there and earn yourself a living from the earliest possible opportunity!!!!

if what you’re saying is will I teach them not to sponge, then yes, you are absolutely right.

I completely agree. It's possible to stay in full time education forever if someone else is paying for it! Sounds like she's just avoiding getting a job.

Sorry, I don’t understand? You said he would have loved to have been involved in his children’s lives. So… how could he have not gone to court?
Sounds like actually, he just didn’t bother. Because he would 100% have been awarded contact. He’s just a deadbeat dad like all the other deadbeat dads who blame their ex when they don’t see their kids, instead of taking the very simple steps to gain access.

She’s not being shown a way to be ready! There’s a difference.

Yes maturity will vary, but she’s not a child.
Even if she was studying something on a pathway to success I’d support it. As it’s a game manipulated by Mum talking advantage of the maturity she’s not instilled into said individual, I don’t agree.

What course did she do before and what's the next one out of interest? Why would it be 'going nowhere' even Mickey Mouse degrees help a little bit with getting into work?

Just like my parents, and how I will be with my boy x

Maybe your husband should have made the effort to arrange a contact order, since you both think she is a terrible mum. Then the two of you could have had some influence in her upbringing. Shame he didn’t bother.