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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Child maintenance at 19

108 replies

glb1989 · 20/10/2024 20:57

My husband is paying child maintenance for his two children.
one of them is 19. She completed a 2 year level 3 course and has now started another level 3 course on an unrelated topic.

she already holds a level 3 qualification; should he be supporting via child maintenance for a decision which keeps her out of employment for even longer? I understand supporting her education to a level 3 but not twice.

Would be interested to hear from anyone with experience in this

OP posts:
Pinkdresslady · 20/10/2024 20:59

She's his daughter and she's 19. I think he is doing the right thing.

BirthdayRainbow · 20/10/2024 21:01

Do you ever receive money from your parents?

My ex H seems to think he doesn't need to support our children anymore as they are adults. Yet he's living at his mums for free...

strawberry2017 · 20/10/2024 21:02

I think at that age it's possible that he could pay direct to his child instead of the mother to cover expenses but realistically it's no different to supporting a child in uni. Just coz they are 19 doesn't stop the child being his responsibility.

MissAmbrosia · 20/10/2024 21:03

My daughter is in her 3rd year of Uni - she plans a 2 year Masters afterwards. Should I refuse to support her whilst still in full time education even if she doesn't HAVE to do it? If you really can't afford it, then that is a different question - but yes at 19, surely he wants her to do well?

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 20/10/2024 21:04

My ex was mandated to pay maintenance until the kids are 21 or leave full time education as part of his divorce settlement. They are both on 4 year uni degrees so he will be paying for a time to come yet! We have the same agreement in place for our shared dd.

Why are you concerned about this?

IhaveanewTVnow · 20/10/2024 21:06

Why is it your business?

ComingBackHome · 20/10/2024 21:13

I can’t see the issue with a 19yo no.
Even if, god forbid, she is doing another qualification at the same level. How dare she!!

TronaldDumps · 20/10/2024 21:16

Cb is payable until 20 if they're on a lvl 3 course that started before they were 19. I think they should be supported directly at that age.

Coconutter24 · 20/10/2024 21:26

TronaldDumps · 20/10/2024 21:16

Cb is payable until 20 if they're on a lvl 3 course that started before they were 19. I think they should be supported directly at that age.

If child maintenance is still required to be paid why would it be paid directly to the ‘child’? Yes they are 19 but maintenance is to go towards living costs which the child’s mum is still paying for her if they are still living at home with the mum

TronaldDumps · 20/10/2024 23:45

Sorry I worded it badly @Coconutter24 I meant cm whilst eligible And then payments to them once they're 20.

Original poster
glb1989 · 21/10/2024 09:47

BirthdayRainbow · 20/10/2024 21:01

Do you ever receive money from your parents?

My ex H seems to think he doesn't need to support our children anymore as they are adults. Yet he's living at his mums for free...

No, I started working and therefore paying rent at 17 and as an adult, no I don’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
glb1989 · 21/10/2024 09:48

IhaveanewTVnow · 20/10/2024 21:06

Why is it your business?

My business? My husband?
We have household bills to pay ..that’s why?

OP posts:
RupaulsHagface · 21/10/2024 10:13

My ex husband did the same to me, out of spite. Told child they were not ready for university and to do another level 3. Child ended up leaving about 6 months in.

I agree with you, you should not be allowed to do the same level again unless you failed.

And I know he convinced him not to do uni, he admitted he did it so I would have to keep paying him

Greentreesandbushes · 21/10/2024 10:39

I think he should pay tbh

fasaglo · 21/10/2024 12:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ivehearditbothways · 21/10/2024 13:08

What if she had gone to uni? Sometimes our kids do need supporting through their young adult years due to education. If you can’t afford it, that’s a discussion to have with them because then they have to fund it themselves. If you can but just don’t want to, then you’re just a shitty parent. I’d want my partner to be a good parent.

Singleandproud · 21/10/2024 13:10

If he were still living with her mum he would be paying towards her still and therefore he should pay towards her now.

RupaulsHagface · 21/10/2024 13:10

I would have given her an allowance, when your ex husband has holidays every month with another new woman and boasts he is enjoying life on my £500 a month...I had every right to be peed off!

If you haven't been part of trying to co parent with someone who puts his hatred for his ex wife before their child, you won't understand

Original poster
glb1989 · 21/10/2024 14:00

Ivehearditbothways · 21/10/2024 13:08

What if she had gone to uni? Sometimes our kids do need supporting through their young adult years due to education. If you can’t afford it, that’s a discussion to have with them because then they have to fund it themselves. If you can but just don’t want to, then you’re just a shitty parent. I’d want my partner to be a good parent.

Woah. Circumstances haven’t come into it here so that’s a judgemental and harsh comment.
I’ve welcomed his kids with open arms and their mother has told them that their father blew loans on gay prostitutes when she lived with the kitchen and patio that I’ve paid off for them. Don’t think I’m wrong in thinking that with my work ethic and morals the kid would be better off with me, however, the mother has made it that my husband doesn’t see his kids at all

there is of course a story behind d my question that perhaps you should ask about before accusatory comments

OP posts:
Original poster
glb1989 · 21/10/2024 14:02

ComingBackHome · 20/10/2024 21:13

I can’t see the issue with a 19yo no.
Even if, god forbid, she is doing another qualification at the same level. How dare she!!

If it was a course that would support her getting into employment fine, but a delay tactic, not so fine.
people need to earn a living as soon as possible to keep up with cost of living.

OP posts:
Original poster
glb1989 · 21/10/2024 14:05

MissAmbrosia · 20/10/2024 21:03

My daughter is in her 3rd year of Uni - she plans a 2 year Masters afterwards. Should I refuse to support her whilst still in full time education even if she doesn't HAVE to do it? If you really can't afford it, then that is a different question - but yes at 19, surely he wants her to do well?

To be honest, in my opinion, yes, it’s not for you to fund.
Wants her to do well of course but a an apprenticeship to begin a career off the back of the first course which has far more prospects would be likely to be far more beneficial in the long term

OP posts:
Original poster
glb1989 · 21/10/2024 14:07

strawberry2017 · 20/10/2024 21:02

I think at that age it's possible that he could pay direct to his child instead of the mother to cover expenses but realistically it's no different to supporting a child in uni. Just coz they are 19 doesn't stop the child being his responsibility.

At 19 (an adult not a child) when education is just stalling employment as this particular course is going nowhere, she should be paying rent and her expenses are her own. I don’t get it.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 21/10/2024 14:10

When my DDs went to Uni, I still paid towards her costs. When she got married, I still paid towards the wedding. When she bought a house I still paid towards the deposit. When she had babies I still paid towards baby equipment…
There isn’t an age limit when parents automatically stop supporting their children.

Original poster
glb1989 · 21/10/2024 14:14

Soontobe60 · 21/10/2024 14:10

When my DDs went to Uni, I still paid towards her costs. When she got married, I still paid towards the wedding. When she bought a house I still paid towards the deposit. When she had babies I still paid towards baby equipment…
There isn’t an age limit when parents automatically stop supporting their children.

This is money paid to the mother in child maintenance .. that’s different? This doesn’t hit the girls pocket?

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 21/10/2024 14:15

@glb1989 there seems to be a lot of anger here and people are giving you their honest opinions. The more you reply the more I feel sorry for your step daughter