My Ex wants to stop my new partner from staying at my home when my daughter is here

[Twigbearmoose]

I am absolutely demented by my ex. He was abusive and I eventually split with him after he tried for the umpteenth time to physically throw me out of the house when he was drunk.
I have been in my own home now for 6 months and my daughter is with me every night except Wednesday/Friday and every other Saturday. I have been seeing someone new for a few months and they occasionally stay when my daughter is here.
New partner has not been introduced as anything but a friend to my DD 5, when he stays we do not share a bed and behave as friends.
My ex asked to meet him the last time he was here a d we did that. This sent the ex of on a drinking bender where he was calling, texting constantly. He called my father and told him my new partner was bathing my daughter! Absolute craziness.
I am at my wits end as I believe that ex's concern is not for my daughter. She is fine, she isn't confused and gets along well with my new partner.
I was going to see my new partner on the weekends my ex had my daughter but he said this was not acceptable and my new partner offered to come to me to take some of the stress off.
I would not introduce new partner to my daughter formally unless I was certain he would be a long term fixture. I didn't introduce informally until a couple of months ago. But I struggle to see any harm in mum having a friend stay in the spare room once a month or so.
I loved with my ex in his boxroom for a year and a half until I found a house that was close to her dad. As I wanted as little disruption to her as possible.
I just want to have a little bit of my own life as well.

I think it is too soon to have a bloke staying at your house when your daughter is there.I say this as my parents had lots of different partners staying at our houses.Can be disruptive as a child .

Should be noted that paedophiles often home in on single parents love bombing them.Whilst grooming the children .

Nobody willingly and knowingly brings a child abuser into their home. You've known him 10 months and see him every other week. You're not keeping your daughter safe letting a total stranger sleep in the spare room while you're asleep in another.
id known my partner for 18 years before we got together, introduced him and my son after 9 months and he didn't sleep over when my son was or wasn't there for well over a year. I'm totally with your ex on this

Yes, I agree with the general consensus. It doesn't matter if people know you personally, you hardly know this guy. Your focus should be safeguarding your young child who will be traumatised from witnessing domestic violence. If her biological father is jealous and angry about the new partner, what's he being like with her when she's there? If the new boyfriend is only staying over infrequently then why is he not there on the nights she isn't? Put your child's needs first.

You seem very concerned (correctly) about not presenting the new guy as a boyfriend to your daughter but are missing the glaring red flag that you are letting a man you barely know sleep in a separate room to you in the house where your 5 year old daughter is sleeping.

You’ve only known him 9 months, he has been sleeping over since 6/7 months and you only see him once a fortnight. Why on earth would you want your one day a fortnight with your boyfriend to be on a day you have your daughter? Wouldn’t you both rather be cuddling, having sex and whispering sweet nothings to each other rather than pretending to be strictly platonic friends around your daughter for the whole time? I fail to see how you could even act convincingly around her if you only see each other so infrequently and like each other enough to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I also find it extremely strange that the guy would agree to such circumstances. I don’t think I know anyone who would be happy to only see their girlfriend once a fortnight and not be able to kiss or hold hands or anything during that time and to keep that up for 9 months.

Been together since November (so 9 months) and seen every 2 weeks. So you've met him 18 times and he's already been sleeping over with your child? How well can you know someone you've met 18 times? And he's been staying over ages so really you'd only seen him like single digits number of times before permitting him access to your home and child?!?

I also find it extremely strange that the guy would agree to such circumstances. I don’t think I know anyone who would be happy to only see their girlfriend once a fortnight and not be able to kiss or hold hands or anything during that time and to keep that up for 9 months.

Yes, this is very odd. He's happy that, on the rare occasion he sees his girlfriend of nine months, they don't actually act like a couple or even sleep together? So this guy's going for ages without sex, despite being in a nine-month relationship, and when he does see his girlfriend they don't actually sleep in the same bed because her daughter is there?

And it hasn't occurred to suggest to his girlfriend that if he's going to come round so infrequently, it might as well be while her daughter is staying at her dad's? Why is he comfortable sleeping in the spare room while a little girl he barely knows is in the house? Surely a lot of men would be wary of that situation because it leaves them open to false allegations?

I don’t think OPs coming back to this thread 😬

This is a few months old I know but if u only saw him once every 2 weeks, why can't he stay over when your daughter is at her dad's?