My new partner thinks I have no boundaries at bedtime with 9 year old

[Confuseddotcom99]

Hi all,

Could really do with some advice. My 9 year old really played up at bedtime when my new partner stayed over. Went up at 8.30pm. Messing around, I read a her book, but then she kept saying she was scared / heard a noise and came in twice etc. A bit of crying - but loudly so I could hear. Eventually I had to stay with her until she went to sleep around 11pm.

I am going through a tricky divorce and have got into habit of letting my daughter sleep in bed with me. She likes the new partner and they get on well and we had a great time hanging out before this.

My new partner hasn't got kids and I guess doesn't understand how they can play up from time to time. New partner thinks that I need to put boundaries in place and be more strict at bedtime. I've always been relaxed about her coming into my bed. I want the relationship to work out.

I think I might feel guilty about having a new relationship (its been a year and they met my child first 6 months ago and its been very slow / gentle introduction). We don't live together so they stay over at weekends or the odd week night only.

I think they might have a different parenting style and that I am very aware of supporting my child through all of these changes and we are very close. I am probably a bit of a pushover but she's a great kid going through a lot and dealing with it very well.

Has anyone got any experience of this? What should I do? I don't want to screw up new relationship. I don't want my child to feel pushed out...

HELP! x

Thanks everyone for all your messages and some good bits of advice here!

She will feel.left out if she is used to.sleeping with u. Partner has expressed an.opinion that u don't like. I.agree routines need to.be established for bedtime. These need to be established before partner stays. It unfair to suddenly decide she cannot come into your bed. Setting her up for a fall

Don't know what happened in the relationship but some of these comments back are so unhelpful and typically from other mums that cosleep the fact is beds for a couple not a child and if there's no routine where's the couple time and 6 months to a year in its normal for a partner to have a say as you can't be treating them differently from how you would a biological father or your partner is a second class citizen amd the child becomes an obstacle the fact is its a family your striving towards and setting a routine and saying no to a child is sometimes necessary unless in major stress but if it's all the time ots because your giving in to the child as long as he isnt been funny with Ur child and he's just stating his needs for time together in the relationship which is why he's asking then it's a reasonable request

She’s 9. She’s your priority. New partner is selfish and I can guarantee will get worse. You’re still not divorced for goodness sake. Why on earth are you rushing into another relationship?

Blimey, that is one long sentence!

new partner >>>>>>>>>>>>>> in the bin

Hopefully.

Poor child.

I see this thread is 2 years old, maybe @Confuseddotcom99 can come back with an update, did he end up in the bin?