Please help me to find the OW!

[NewDawnComing]

Hi, I found out my husband has been seeing someone else since January. I was suspecting something was up and managed to login on his laptop last night and saw pictures of them together all over his gallery!! Anyway, I don’t want to confront him just yet because I want to find out a bit more about it all. I don’t know her name but I have pictures of her and wonder if there’s a way to image search her and try to find out who she is/her name/etc. He doesn’t have social media. No facebook, Instagram, nothing. I unfortunately cannot get to his phone/WhatsApp because he doesn’t leave the phone unattended for a second, and I also don’t know the password for it so it’d be useless even if he did.

Please mumneters help me to get to the bottom of this!!

And yes, ofc I’m leaving him!!

For context: We’ve been together for 21 years, married for 19, 2 pre teens kids and we’re on our early forties.

(I've obviously name changed to post this!)

She wouldn't let him go, that old chestnut, everyone else's fault. Well done, look forward to your new life.

The "it's nothing/she means nothing to me" is part of a very predictable script. Glad you're not falling for it.

You're amazing! Well done. Stay strong

Do not accept any "poor me" theatrics .
He actively chose to lie, cheat & throw his marriage vows & family to the wind.
Foolish foolish man

Wow fair play to you for how calmly you've handled this.
Honestly I will never ever understand how men can risk their whole life and their children's for a meaningless fling with someone. I see it all the time here. Surely surely the thrill can't be worth the potential damage particularly when children are involved. How will he look them in the eye.

Proud of you op....smashing it...

How are you doing this evening, OP?

Fair play Op you have done it. Personally I would be booking flights to Madrid with my friend and make sure he hears about it. But I am petty like that

How are you feeling?

Oh bore off, you'd do exactly the same.

To OP

So, you are the applicant for the divorce? What did your solicitor say about the information you had collected?

When I divorced it was on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. My solicitor advised to stay clear of accusations that could not be proved. Courts generally reject adultery as grounds for divorce unless the other person agrees in writing. Whilst, photos, messages and travel arrangements are a safe bet that adultery is taking place, it does not constitute proof.

So, better to stay objective and seek a fair settlement. Courts will assess who gets what based on:

What assets are available (property, savings, pensions, etc.)
Children's needs
What the partners earn

Who was the cause of the breakdown/failure of the marriage will make little difference, if any at all.

@NewDawnComing you are mighty!

Well done for not taking any nonsense.

Good luck with getting it all sorted.

@GlobeTrotter2000 its all “no fault” divorce now so you don’t need grounds.

@Didsomeonesaydogs

I remember that no fault came in about 2 years ago. Hence I was unable to work out what the OP was hoping to achieve by sleuthing.

Human curiosity? Would you not be interested in what your husband is up to behind your back?

@XelaM Human curiosity? Would you not be interested in what your husband is up to behind your back?

If people want to separate, what difference does it make?

Knowing and being able to show him the truth can be a huge boost to those who are victims of lying, deceitful, gaslighting, 'you know what you're like, you're imagining things' bullshit. The ability to pull him up short with it and reminding him of his bullshittery will be valuable for self esteem.

It can help short circuit self doubt and 'am I going mad??' worries if you can confidently point at the evidence and say 'no, there it is - it's not me, it's him' to yourself.

And if he's working away in the background with sneaky 'she's crazy, see what I had to put up with' sabotage, you can calmly refute it with 'as you see here, he is lying. Don't be another one of his credulous victims. Don't fall for it, like I used to.'

Knowledge is power.

Those who are persistently trying to persuade the OP not to dig too deep may have a hidden agenda themselves.

Knowledge is power.

Only if it is provable as per my barrister. Whilst; social media, photos and travel arrangements smell of adultery, but are not accepted as proof by the courts. Only a signed paper acknowledging adultery is considered proof. A link is:

GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE | July 2024 | A Complete UK Guide (helpandadvice.co.uk)

Highlights are:

How do you prove adultery?
You have to get an actual admission from your spouse, or you need to have sufficient evidence that they had sexual intercourse with another person.

Will adultery mean I will do less well out of the financial settlement?
Many people think that admitting adultery means they will be treated worse in court during the divorce process. However, under family law this is not something considered, as the court is aware relationships between a married couple are complicated.

Interestingly, the divorce rate in the UK has dropped by almost 30% since the no fault came in April 2022. Link is:

No-fault divorce & the decline in UK divorce rates | Flint Bishop

She needs to know. It is called closure and knowing all of the facts. Some people need to know in order to move on.

She needs to know. It is called closure and knowing all of the facts. Some people need to know in order to move on.

I would call it not letting go.

How are you so calm and rational. I'm in awe of calm people

She had literally just came across evidence if get husband cheating, was trying to get the full picture which she did and then confront him. I don't think many would be at the stage of 'letting go' at that point. If it was months and months later then yeah but be real here noone was letting that go