Please help me to find the OW!

[NewDawnComing]

Hi, I found out my husband has been seeing someone else since January. I was suspecting something was up and managed to login on his laptop last night and saw pictures of them together all over his gallery!! Anyway, I don’t want to confront him just yet because I want to find out a bit more about it all. I don’t know her name but I have pictures of her and wonder if there’s a way to image search her and try to find out who she is/her name/etc. He doesn’t have social media. No facebook, Instagram, nothing. I unfortunately cannot get to his phone/WhatsApp because he doesn’t leave the phone unattended for a second, and I also don’t know the password for it so it’d be useless even if he did.

Please mumneters help me to get to the bottom of this!!

And yes, ofc I’m leaving him!!

For context: We’ve been together for 21 years, married for 19, 2 pre teens kids and we’re on our early forties.

(I've obviously name changed to post this!)

Well done op, I would find a great family law lawyer and go and have a chat with them too. Do you have a trusted friend in real life to chat to? He will likely as others have said try all the usual tactics when you confront him so it’s helpful for you to have a friend in the know to talk things through.

Wow you are a shit kicking woman, I admire your strength,
I'm guessing this is because you were already "out of love" ? whatever, you may find when the adrenaline wears off it will just hurt like hell.
He actively went looking for an OW & has lied ever since, while coming home to play family man.
I hope you've found a rock hard solicitor & whilst gathering the paperwork, don't forget his pensions, savings, life insurance.....

Eh? The police?

Your response makes it quite obvious that you have never been a cheated on wife.

Cheated on women have mastered amazing sleuthing skills. Only because we have had to.

Cheated on women have mastered amazing sleuthing skills. Only because we have had to.

Were any of them awarded better settlements? When I divorced, I was advised that the cause of the divorce what not be taken into account when settlements were made. Particularly in the case of adultery.

Maybe things have changed since 2018?

It's not about getting a better settlement as a result of the cause of the divorce.

It's about personal closure, knowing you were right, especially in the face of lies, evasion, deception etc etc.

Clarity of thinking and security that you did make the right decision has value.

And if lies and stories are deliberately spread, especially if her reputation and character are being slandered, the OP can clearly and accurately put them right re what he actually did behind her back.

Good for you @NewDawnComing
You're not a stalker, just another cheated on wife needing answers. Good luck with that chat, his face will be a picture for sure.. twat! I honestly think some men just can't stay faithful 😞

@Saraayat66 is that a genuine account?

Bloody good work op. And great thinking saving the evidence.

Seek legal advice asap. Hand hold and cuddle for you...I'm sorry he has done this...what a pig xxx

Thinking of you and your family OP. I hope the discussion with your husband goes as well as it can tonight.

Good luck talking to him, OP.

As you know, we're here.

This. Stalker ffs. It is her husband having an affair.

Hope you are ok, OP.

Honestly I think I'd wait till he had just landed in Madrid and text him telling that his stuff has bren packed up and is waiting for him .can imagine him over there panicking trying to explain it to her assuming she doesn't know he is married. That's not always the case unfortunatly .

Bloody great sleuthing, OP!

Well done OP. I hope he is out on his ear now.

This would be great

But if I was OP, I don't think I could cope keeping quiet that long

Really impressed by the calm and collected approach OP. Hope the talk with STBExH goes ok
Here for you.

You could text ow too, ask her to tell scumbag that he's bags are packed ready to go

What a dick he is ! You're being so strong. I would want to know all the details too... it's human nature. Good luck with your future.

So, it’s all done and over. He’s left and it’s at his parents again until he finds a new place for himself. He tried to deny it at first, but I showed some pics and he went from white to looking dead in a second. Then said it was nothing, an ego mistake and that he was already trying to stop seeing her for a while but she wouldn’t let him go. Said the Madrid plans was for us, not her. I don’t believe any of that. Anyway, I’m now talking to a lawyer about the divorce and will take it from there. Thank you all for the support and messages, it was very helpful to have you all with me on this!

I'm so sorry OP. It must hurt like hell. But you're clearly a very strong woman and you'll be OK

Well done, you're very brave.

Firstly I am so sorry. Secondly DO NOT lower yourself to go hunting any one or any information down, all you have right now is your dignity so KEEP IT!! As others have said get yourself a lawyer get the ball rolling and get copies of the evidence for proceedings. It will kill him more if you keep your pride and dignity in tact, say less! Trust me, good luck x

Bloody well done OP.

And well done for giving him the fair chance to at least do you the courtesy of the truth - then watching him choose one last attempt at gaslighting and deceit - then observing his reaction when presented with the evidence. Classic investigative technique.

The mask is off.

Remember that, when the inevitable happens and he tries to come crawling back when the realisation of how much beauty he chucked down the toilet kicks in. And when she realises a misery guts with children who loathe her is not the sexy bit of fun she thought she was having.

Today - get that solicitor appointment and financial advice sorted.

And if you can bear it, a businesslike discussion about what you will be telling the children and when.

Let your line manager know. You'll need understanding and support and hopefully some compassionate leave.

And take control of the narrative - he will be broadcasting 'waaaaa poor me / she's thrown me out / deprived me of my children and my home / she's (inset lie here) blablablah.' It will already have started with whatever spin he's presenting to his parents.

Stamp on it. It can undermine your reputation and your relationships.

We're all here - this is Mumsnet at her best.

🫂