Please help me to find the OW!

[NewDawnComing]

Hi, I found out my husband has been seeing someone else since January. I was suspecting something was up and managed to login on his laptop last night and saw pictures of them together all over his gallery!! Anyway, I don’t want to confront him just yet because I want to find out a bit more about it all. I don’t know her name but I have pictures of her and wonder if there’s a way to image search her and try to find out who she is/her name/etc. He doesn’t have social media. No facebook, Instagram, nothing. I unfortunately cannot get to his phone/WhatsApp because he doesn’t leave the phone unattended for a second, and I also don’t know the password for it so it’d be useless even if he did.

Please mumneters help me to get to the bottom of this!!

And yes, ofc I’m leaving him!!

For context: We’ve been together for 21 years, married for 19, 2 pre teens kids and we’re on our early forties.

(I've obviously name changed to post this!)

Make your plans now while you have the advantage.

This happened to me. He was a work colleague.

Except I wasn’t having an affair with the guy at all. I barely knew him. And she signed my work email up to Herpes dating websites and added lots of my colleagues on LinkedIn and told them I was banging her husband. And emailed my husband to say the same.

We didn’t even live on the same continent. It was hell.

All because I had one photo taken with him at a work conference that she found on his phone.

Please be careful with this.

I too have been a target from a mistrusting wife (some parts of being single suck). I have let it pass now although I was pissed at the time. She didn't trust her husband for good reason, she was just barking up the wrong tree.

But this is different.OP knows he's been having an affair for 6 months.

It doesn't appear that she just saw one picture and has become suspicious.

You're on an adrenaline high at the moment, ready to fight. Channel and use it. There will be a comedown at some point.

Get that usb stick in and save all the pictures, also search docs for diaries, plans, spreadsheets ... Mine had soppy poems and thoughts about her on his phone.

Check the bank and credit card statements.

Agreed.
Whilst a finding your partner is cheating is incredibly hurtful, think clearly.
It’s now over. You know this but he doesn’t.
Who the OW is is frankly irrelevant to the situation.
So get those ducks fully lined up whilst he’s distracted.
By the time you issue him with divorce papers you’ll be 10 steps ahead and he’ll be scrabbling around playing catch up, covering his tracks, be figuring out what you know and what you don't, wondering how the hell the sky just collapsed on him etc.
You’ll be in total control of the situation which is the best way.
If he has an important to him date coming up, ie big family event or key work day ie promotion interview!or client presentation, land the news on him that very morning. Just for the fun of it, just because you can, just because he’s a wanker and deserves it.

So someone posts on a forum they want to find a woman from a photo, and people happy to give advice?
What if ops actually a stalker, someone with a vendetta, someone who the other person is hiding from?

Cheating men are lazy and unimaginative. They usually cheat with a colleague. Can you see his work emails? Look for an email to him from his work. They often have all the other members of the department there too, included in the email. Get that list, then you can go through finding all the female colleagues and searching their names online and on Facebook.

It’s completely normal to want to know who the woman is. I was gripped by a need to find this out. It was part of sorting things in my brain. I never contacted her but I found out her name and other details.

If it’s not a colleague, it will be someone similarly close, eg in a hobby club. You can also look for clues in the photos, eg where are they? Are there others with them or in the background? Names? Objects?

The advice given so far isn't exactly groundbreaking is it.

No not really (well at all!) but still.

https://pimeyes.com/en

it doesn’t search social media unfortunately but if you upload a photo and the person has also appeared in a different photo online, it’s pretty good at finding it through facial recognition.

You can find out more and search at any time, just speak to him; are you intending on staying is that why you’re saying nothing?

This. When my exP cheated on me, I was obsessive with finding out who it was with. I did in the end, and I did feel better for it. I can’t really explain why I just did, maybe it made me feel more in control. Especially in a situation where it was out of control, wrong and made me feel awful. I think this is probably quite a normal feeling.

I would however use the time of knowing to plan my exit carefully. Gather evidence, see a solicitor, get money and housing plans in place.

@NewDawnComing

It might be best to ask for professional help in confirming your suspicions, rather than wade in yourself.

https://www.theabi.org.uk/professional-investigations/family-personal-support

You also need to make an appointment to see a suitable solicitor in your area.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

I'm not a stalker at all. I just want to know who's this woman. It wasn't one picture, it was several of them. He took her to places he took me. Romantic places, dates. I have absolutely no intention of contacting her, nor doing anything harmful to her. She can have him and good luck to her. That should serve her right!

So then speak to him. You can find all that out at any time.

I do not know how to do it but the program catfish sometimes does something called a reverse image search. You could check the facebooks of work colleagues maybe she is someone he works with. Out from this does he have any hobbies? you could get someone to follow him. Get a copy of the pictures if he suspects you know he will probably delete them.

@NewDawnComing I have absolutely no intention of contacting her, nor doing anything harmful to her. She can have him and good luck to her. That should serve her right

Depends with ‘that should serve her right’, as to whether she knows he is married. I once dated a man for a considerable length of time and had no idea he was married with very young children. There was zero reason for me to ever go where he lived (not close to work, whereas I was, and we also ‘lived’ at work 24 hours for long stretches). When I did find out he gave a hilarious line of ‘I don’t see why this needs to change anything’, and he said that in a crowded restaurant he had taken me to in order to tell me.

Well, he’s divorcing now, so free for their relationship anyway. He just doesn’t know that yet, but I’ll let him know soon! If she didn’t know he was married now he can keep the lying as it turns to true. If she did know then things may either lose their sparkle or pick up speed. Either way, not my problem 🙅‍♀️

The photos might be date and time stamped if you go on the info click, I'd be devious and save them on your own phone, pretend one of the venues rang trying to get hold of him although he's probably not worth the effort. The affair will fizzle out once you kick him out.

👏

I checked the dates last night. They range from January to last week of June, so only a couple of weeks ago the last time.

@NewDawnComing you are my hero

For those posters saying the OW is irrelevant, it doesn't work like that when your DH has been unfaithful. There is a sort of primal and desperate need to understand. Is she clever, funny or good in bed. In other words why is she better than me and why are you doing this to us. Every cheated woman I've known has wanted answers even though, at the end of the day, it's all completely meaningless. That's why marriage guidance counsellors encourage frank and open discussion about every aspect of an affair.

yy to checking emails. He may have bought gifts for her which will help you start coming up with a timeline of how long this has been going on for.

Check if his calendar is synced to the laptop. He may have saved her birthday which would mean you finding out a name. If you look up a day he was having a date then you might find her saved as a meeting as if it was work.

Check if his contacts are synced to the laptop. Cheaters often use a code name (like a male name) and some people have photos as part of their contact. You can search phone numbers in WhatsApp - hopefully she has a profile photo to help you.

Do you have access to his bank statements? This might help devise a timeline. Mine took out cash to go to hotels but I found booking confirmations in his email.

Ignore the people who said that the details don’t matter. I felt a lot better when I worked out when the affair started etc Finding out how much he lied was shit but it made me stronger when he inevitably denied everything (cheater’s playbook) and was gobsmacked at how much I knew. He thought that he was too smart for me to work it out (typical cheater) when I’d known for months and had been gaslit over and over.

💐 OP

Did anything change in Jan like new job, new gym etc?
My cheater had a secret second phone that he hid in his gym bag.

Can you get the opportunity to check his car ? I found receipts, parking permits…