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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

801 replies

Broken12 · 11/04/2024 07:06

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 27/10/2024 20:38

You've done really well. Allow yourself some emotion now and tomorrow is a new day.

Queencam · 27/10/2024 20:39

You have done so well OP, this is so tough xxx

Original poster
Broken12 · 28/10/2024 05:43

Awake at 5 even with no kids to wake me 🙈

12 hours and my babies will be home and got a full day of work to distract me 😊

OP posts:
Inthedeep · 28/10/2024 09:59

Yay you’ve done so well to survive the first night 😊. I really hope over time it gets easier for you. Now he’s not living with you, I really hope you are finally finding some peace at home and you can start to heal.

Queencam · 01/11/2024 13:32

How are you doing OP? Hope the kids were okay staying at their dads. Xx

Original poster
Broken12 · 01/11/2024 17:09

I’m doing well at the moment. They had a good time which is all that matters. They’re not there again for a month now tho as he’s chosen to go away for the day on his next weekend instead 🤷🏻‍♀️ so not exactly got a proper routine yet. I’m just cherishing my time with them both

OP posts:
Nicebloomers · 01/11/2024 17:47

Broken12 · 01/11/2024 17:09

I’m doing well at the moment. They had a good time which is all that matters. They’re not there again for a month now tho as he’s chosen to go away for the day on his next weekend instead 🤷🏻‍♀️ so not exactly got a proper routine yet. I’m just cherishing my time with them both

ah picking and choosing already. Why are some of them so bloody selfish?

BirthdayRainbow · 01/11/2024 17:51

Hi @Broken12 my ex seems to be choosing his new woman over my kids too. In so much as doesn't take their calls if with her, not even to message back in cinema can't talk, I can't remember the last time he saw any of them.

He doesn't get to pick and chose and dump the kids when given a better offer. Get the divorce going as access to their father will be sorted and he has to abide by it.

Original poster
Broken12 · 01/11/2024 19:22

Divorce in is process, next step is in Jan which happens to be on my youngest bday!

its annoying but I’m the winner at the end of the day as I get the time with my babies and that’s all I care about right now

OP posts:
Diarygirlqueen · 01/11/2024 20:34

You sound like a great mum

BirthdayRainbow · 01/11/2024 20:45

Broken12 · 01/11/2024 19:22

Divorce in is process, next step is in Jan which happens to be on my youngest bday!

its annoying but I’m the winner at the end of the day as I get the time with my babies and that’s all I care about right now

I thought it was but wasn't 100% sure. I could file for part of the process on my sons birthday too, I waited until the next day.

Queencam · 01/11/2024 21:15

Broken12 · 01/11/2024 19:22

Divorce in is process, next step is in Jan which happens to be on my youngest bday!

its annoying but I’m the winner at the end of the day as I get the time with my babies and that’s all I care about right now

You’re amazing xx you’re doing so well

Queencam · 01/11/2024 21:15

BirthdayRainbow · 01/11/2024 17:51

Hi @Broken12 my ex seems to be choosing his new woman over my kids too. In so much as doesn't take their calls if with her, not even to message back in cinema can't talk, I can't remember the last time he saw any of them.

He doesn't get to pick and chose and dump the kids when given a better offer. Get the divorce going as access to their father will be sorted and he has to abide by it.

Ugh he sounds like such a dick xx

BirthdayRainbow · 01/11/2024 23:01

Queencam · 01/11/2024 21:15

Ugh he sounds like such a dick xx

Show quote history

He is.

TheCanaryInThePurpleSkirt · 16/11/2024 23:13

You poor love.

It will get easier but, not for a long time.

During that time you will come to see that if you and he had all of that; your lives leading up to marriage; after, children, love, memories.. all of it, and he CHOSE to walk away from it, then your marriage was not worth the paper it was written on. He devalued you and every thing you built together. Shame on him.

You will manage and be strong because you have no choice. Yes, you get to do all of the hard stuff (and the wonderful bits) with your children in a way that your husband will never experience now. That’s his loss and pain to come. Much much further down the line.

When you feel you’ve given everything and it wasn’t enough, it’s excruciating. You’re devastated right now but, I promise you, you will move forward. Slowly. Then one day you’ll look back and see things differently. Right now, that seems impossible. Do one hour at a time. It becomes a day and the days add up. You have not lost the love of your life, it only feels like that now.

There really is so much ahead of you.

BirthdayRainbow · 17/11/2024 08:23

@Broken12 how are you doing? How are the children?

Original poster
Broken12 · 17/11/2024 21:04

BirthdayRainbow · 17/11/2024 08:23

@Broken12 how are you doing? How are the children?

I’m doing really well at the moment. I realised this weekend I’m loving the freedom I have. I can just get up and do what I want with the kids and not have to deal with a tired and hungover husband or try and convince someone who never wants to do something to join us and he on his schedule. It’s great. Still not in reality yet tho as he’s only had them at his once, or maybe this is reality 🤷🏻‍♀️ who knows. He’s alll talk but no action.

how are you? X

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 18/11/2024 16:27

Our situations have been/are crap @Broken12 so what we have to do is reframe everything to try and find the positive. That is what you are doing. Well done.

I had to see ex today. Was better than last time as we discussed what we needed to and then loaded his car. Still prefer to never see him of course. He's coming to stay over night while I'm away later in the week, to care for the animals, but when I get home my eldest child will be here or on their way so that is what I'm focussing on now. Thank you for asking.

Original poster
Broken12 · 18/11/2024 16:59

BirthdayRainbow · 18/11/2024 16:27

Our situations have been/are crap @Broken12 so what we have to do is reframe everything to try and find the positive. That is what you are doing. Well done.

I had to see ex today. Was better than last time as we discussed what we needed to and then loaded his car. Still prefer to never see him of course. He's coming to stay over night while I'm away later in the week, to care for the animals, but when I get home my eldest child will be here or on their way so that is what I'm focussing on now. Thank you for asking.

That’s so true

I’m glad it was better than last time for you. I hope you’re away for something nice - stay focused on your eldest and look forward to that 😊

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 18/11/2024 18:21

I'm seeing my oldest friend, my youngest child and viewing houses with them.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/12/2024 00:17

@Broken12

How are you - with Christmas approaching.
Is he planning on having the children at any time over the festive period ?

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/12/2024 04:45

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/12/2024 00:17

@Broken12

How are you - with Christmas approaching.
Is he planning on having the children at any time over the festive period ?

You know what, I’m doing well at the moment. I’ve realised how free I feel now…I can just go out and do stuff with the kids without having to walk on egg shells or try and convince him it will be fun and put up with his moods all day.

really looking forward to Xmas. We are spending Xmas eve, day and Boxing Day together as I’ve told him I’m never not spending it with the kids but happy to always spend it together. We have my parents and his dad (who I love) joining us and i will just focus on the kids. My 4 year old is SO excited “I just love Santa mommy”. He’s got them at his a couple of days between Xmas and new year but I have plans with my friends for those that I’m looking forward to.

I have both their birthdays in Jan so yes, I may feel different once all the crazy busy times have stopped but right now I’m happy.

how Is Everyone else doing?

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/12/2024 09:34

You sound much happier - I know it's the written word but you sound as if you have turned a corner emotionally.
Thank you for the reply/update.

I do hope you all enjoy Christmas, and 2025 is good to you.

Queencam · 23/12/2024 11:03

OP so happy to read your update. You’re bloody amazing. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas x

BirthdayRainbow · 23/12/2024 11:24

Hi @Broken12 lovely to see you. I was thinking about you at the weekend then the cat started crying so went to see to him then forgot I'd planned to message. Sorry.

It is so wonderful to hear the positivity that you are feeling and I'm sure your children are so much happier too.

Huge well done for laying the groundwork for not ever not having your children at Christmas and full credit for allowing him to be there. That takes strength and I'm sure his dad is grateful for the invitation too. They are his grandchildren after all and not fair to him to miss out.

My children that could are already home with me and they will go to MIL in the afternoon on Christmas Day as they want to see her. He will be there with his new girlfriend but he hasn't told two of the children that 😡. I'll take the children over, stay a little while then leave. I'll go back for them later though DS1 has said he'll be texting his dad to say don't drink so you can take us home. Ex will not like that. Of course I'll go back for them if ex can't not drink.

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