Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

801 replies

Broken12 · 11/04/2024 07:06

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

OP posts:
Doughnutsforlife · 14/10/2024 21:01

BirthdayRainbow · 14/10/2024 20:45

Have a think about whether your dd spending time with them is for the best for her.

Show quote history

I don’t think it is and I’ve told him this, but he won’t stop.

BirthdayRainbow · 14/10/2024 21:06

Can you refuse to send her? Let him go to court. He'll threaten it but he won't go. You cannot send your child into a situation you don't think is good for her.

Doughnutsforlife · 14/10/2024 21:20

BirthdayRainbow · 14/10/2024 21:06

Can you refuse to send her? Let him go to court. He'll threaten it but he won't go. You cannot send your child into a situation you don't think is good for her.

He takes her on his days after school to the park, when I’m at work. Or at the weekend when he has her. He said it’s a different situation cos they’ve known each other for over three years and he only goes when DD wants to play with the son. I really don’t think there is anything I can do, believe me I’ve looked to see if I can stop it.

BirthdayRainbow · 14/10/2024 21:53

Doughnutsforlife · 14/10/2024 21:20

He takes her on his days after school to the park, when I’m at work. Or at the weekend when he has her. He said it’s a different situation cos they’ve known each other for over three years and he only goes when DD wants to play with the son. I really don’t think there is anything I can do, believe me I’ve looked to see if I can stop it.

Edited
Show quote history

I hope he's not all over the OW in front of your DD. Sadly men are not known for putting their kids first when they have a new toy.

Doughnutsforlife · 14/10/2024 22:17

BirthdayRainbow · 14/10/2024 21:53

I hope he's not all over the OW in front of your DD. Sadly men are not known for putting their kids first when they have a new toy.

Show quote history

He’s not, my DD says she’s only ever seen him put his arm around her briefly.

BirthdayRainbow · 14/10/2024 22:40

Ok. Be careful not to ask your dd what goes on. If she tells you then be quite non committal and resist the urge to question.

Original poster
Broken12 · 15/10/2024 06:21

BirthdayRainbow · 14/10/2024 19:30

I'm 15 months down the line and my eating is still rubbish. Frustrating as I'm glad to be away from him but fuck it hurts today what he's done.

Big hugs to you x

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 15/10/2024 08:50

Thank you @Broken12 . How are you today? I feel a bit discombobulated. My dog had me up at 3.30 which was not good but also was as it got me out of a bad dream. I have nothing to do today so I'll carry on tidying, cleaning and packing as my buyers are coming later in the week to measure up some more. I could do with a day where I don't have to go out but I refuse to ask ex to walk my dog.

Original poster
Broken12 · 15/10/2024 09:14

I hope you have a productive day, maybe put some loud music on and try and switch off. Do you have a moving date?

im doing ok today, crazy busy with work so that keeps me very distracted!

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 15/10/2024 19:05

Thats great that you're doing ok @Broken12.

I did have a productive day - more cleaning, took stuff to charity shop, ordered DS2 a new mattress on impulse, boxed up books to be collected, messaged a friend as we need to resolve an argument.

Bad stuff - ex was a twat.

Original poster
Broken12 · 15/10/2024 19:11

BirthdayRainbow · 15/10/2024 19:05

Thats great that you're doing ok @Broken12.

I did have a productive day - more cleaning, took stuff to charity shop, ordered DS2 a new mattress on impulse, boxed up books to be collected, messaged a friend as we need to resolve an argument.

Bad stuff - ex was a twat.

Well done on being so productive!

😡 what’s he done today?

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 15/10/2024 20:27

Refused to order said item for DS2. Hasn't read/has secretly read but not replied to my msg asking if he wants to contribute. Not helped with a house selling situation. Pillock.

Original poster
Broken12 · 16/10/2024 05:21

BirthdayRainbow · 15/10/2024 20:27

Refused to order said item for DS2. Hasn't read/has secretly read but not replied to my msg asking if he wants to contribute. Not helped with a house selling situation. Pillock.

😡😡😡

OP posts:
Shouldbedoing · 16/10/2024 09:10

My advice is to only ever commit to spending what you can afford to spend on the kids or house because exes get tighter, the longer they're away.

BirthdayRainbow · 18/10/2024 15:19

How are you doing @Broken12 ?

Original poster
Broken12 · 18/10/2024 19:30

BirthdayRainbow · 18/10/2024 15:19

How are you doing @Broken12 ?

Had a bit of a wobble at 5am this morning after being awake a tee hours the whole ‘why can’t he just be in love with me, we could have had a great life’ and ended up texting him that 🙈 but pulled myself together and had a lovely day with my youngest and then both of them them this evening

how are you? X

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 18/10/2024 19:54

It has served a purpose that you texted him that. You aren't left with if onlys as you know not to do it again as you know how it's made you feel. I was doing ok then remembered he's coming on Monday but I'm not allowing myself to stress for three days. He's not worth it. He's a pathetic specimen and I am 100% happier without him.

Original poster
Broken12 · 19/10/2024 04:11

I hope you have a lovely weekend, forget about him, he’s not worth your worry x

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 19/10/2024 17:27

I've cancelled him coming to the house as I'm not ready for him to take stuff but I have to meet him half way to sign a form.

Original poster
Broken12 · 27/10/2024 11:46

He’s just taken them their first night at his. I thought I was going to be ok but I’m not 💔

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/10/2024 12:22

It's been a long 6+ months to get to this stage and it will get better each time, the first time will be the worst.

Sooooo what are you doing for yourself today ?

it's a lovely sunny day here in Devon, is it sunny where you are ?
what do you fancy doing ?

It's the Dartmouth Food Festival this weekend, so I would have considered that if I'd had the time, is there anything on locally you fancy

or anywhere nice you can go for a lovely walk

or meet up with a friend for sunday lunch

or go into the nearest town for some shopping for yourself

or off to the biggest toy shop around and think of Christmas presents ?

or a swim in the local swiming pool

what did you enjoy pre children / pre marriage ?

Queencam · 27/10/2024 13:09

Sending a hand hold OP xx you can get through this, and it will get easier xx

Doughnutsforlife · 27/10/2024 13:53

Aww 🥰 When I don’t have my kids I’m either at my mums or sisters house so I have company and that is hard enough. I’m absolutely dreading when the time comes when I’m home alone when he eventually moves out 😭

BirthdayRainbow · 27/10/2024 19:24

It is going to feel awful. Allow yourself time to be sad, quiet, miss them and have a moment. Then get yourself a nice drink, curl up with the tv or a book, or have a pamper session. You need to try and see the positives as this is your current reality. It might never happen again or it might be every fortnight.

Original poster
Broken12 · 27/10/2024 20:31

Thanks all. I say and had a good cry and felt sorry for myself for a few hours. Then I pulled myself together, popped the shops, did bits in the house and went my parents for tea.

just got into bed and feeling emotionally drained. If I’m completely honest I’m probably going to have anyone cry and just try and cry myself to sleep.

I’ve done it though. Telling myself the first night will be the hardest x

OP posts: