I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

[Broken12]

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

Thank you. I’m out with friends today. Very nearly never came. I’m either going to have a great day or be a crying mess. Or both. But I’m in the taxi and proud of myself for coming. Ironically I booked this at the time to prove it was ok to just be me, and not always mommy. All I wanted was a happy family but he’s not capable of giving me that, however much I wish or pretend he was x

It's not just okay to be you and not mummy but vital. You need to look after yourself so that you can look after the little people in your life. I really hope you have a good day and if you cry it is fine. Sometimes necessary.

I want to go home already. Don’t feel like I’m really here

Ok. What's the real issue?

Hope you’re okay OP - I’d say do what you need to do and if you need to be home so be it xxx

@Broken12 can you tell the friends what you're going through? Do they know what's going on in your life? Are they supportive friends that you trust?

Think on this day and how you felt. There are more days ahead like this - and better x x x

I’m still here and having fun. Had a little cry and pulled myself together x

Well done @Broken12 Remember the feeling next time you have a difficult moment. You faced your fear and did it anyway!

Well done. You are stronger than you think. So pleased you're having fun with your friends! Put that emotion into the bank to call on next time you feel low. Xx

Well done OP. We are all cheering you on x

You are doing so brilliantly x x x

Still out and having a great night 🥳

Yay! Well done you!

Good ! you need time to be yourself, and to leave all the nonsense of what is going on at home because of him for awhile

That’s the spirit op - have a fab night 🙌

In bed 😴 a few teary moments but had a great night. Thank you for all your support!

I'm so proud of you. You pushed through how you were feeling and I hope you feel proud of yourself too. And have a good sleep!

My ex h told my son something today that has completely floored me and I am still upset but I ate loads of chocolate and keep telling myself he's the loser.

We can do this!

Oh he is definitely the loser! What did he say? (Obviously don’t share if you don’t want to) x

I'm sorry I can't say as I'm still thinking how I'll deal with it but it was unforgivable and he's clearly been carrying resentment for a long time. Just another confirmation I've done the right thing leaving him and should have done it sooner!

What are your plans today @Broken12 ?

Keep eating chocolate whilst you think!

Well he’s meant to be taking them both out to a party this morning which I’ll be the first time he’s ever taken them both anywhere so let’s see how that goes!

then the plan is to talk again this afternoon whilst someone watches the kids 😬

What are you planning to talk about? Maybe we can help get your head in a good place.

Yes, to more chocolate later. I'm exhausted as hardly slept as still poorly and it's looking like I'll have to go for blood tests tomorrow but it's best to know what I'm dealing with.

I hope you can get some answers tomorrow 🤞🏻

trying to agree next steps. I’m pretty set now on selling, but want to agree me having more equity out of the house. Will see what he brings to the table

I would insist he makes an offer first but remember you're married, it's not for him to give you anything and what you agree has to be signed off legally anyway.

Hi Op, be wary that he may try and derail the conversation, if you still think his end goal is to stay in the house for a few years with you all together he’ll pull out the stops with guilting you, maybe even saying it’s best for the children to still have a family, try and think about all the ways he can guilt you (he knows you better then anyone and knows what buttons to push) if you can, try and prepare your responses to what you think he may say in advance and try not to get sucked into any hopes and dreams he may dangle to get his own way.

if you can, try and see it as a business deal, you’re brokering a deal, any personal feelings and recriminations can be had another time, this is purely business now, it’s going to be difficult but you’ve got this, you’re stronger than you think you are and he can’t make you do anything you don’t want to, so feel free to stand firm, if he pushes for a ‘resolution’ just tell him you need time to think about everything and you’ll get back to him.