I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

[Broken12]

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

Has it been confirmed there's another woman?

Of course there might well be but it's not helpful to ram it down @Broken12 throat until and even then that's it's confirmed. She needs to deal with facts. It's not the only reason a man stops loving his wife, and indeed vice versa.

No OW that I’m aware of

I hope there isn't @Broken12 but he's no longer your concern. Your relationship is unfortunately over and your focus now needs to be you and your dc.

I know. I have period when I feel strong and like F* you but then I crumble again. I know all j can do though is give it time x

That is normal. You don't get over the end of a relationship a minute especially when it has come as a shock. You will have ups and downs but the ups will last longer and the downs will become further apart. Be your own team with your kids and remember what your superpower is. You've given birth. That means you're capable of anything. Believe in yourself.

15 months ago I was in intensive care and didn’t know if I was going to make it out. I was extremely I’ll afterwards. Need to Keep telling myself if I can make it back from that then I can make it back from anything x

Absolutely you can!

Everyone says life's too short for X but I think it is too long to spend even another minute with someone who doesn't deserve you, think you are the whole world, adores you, puts you first, is your number one champion and knows what they have when they have you.

I am sorry you were so unwell 💐

Yes darling. You sure can.
About 8 months ago I was pregnant and lost the baby at 6 months and almost died. Afterwards my husband treated me badly and had multiple affairs. I am now in my own “bachelorette pad” and couldn’t be happier. Changed jobs, expanded my circle of friends and met a wonderful new man.
Certai events in our lives makes us stronger. A few months down the line you will be feeling liberated and happy.

@Rania78 i am so sorry you went through all that. RIP BabyRania78🌸.

I wonder if studies should be done to see why more women put up with shit from man than the other way around when it is clear that women are stronger and cope better with a split than men do. Obviously not everyone as nothing is everyone but as general rule it seems the case.

@BirthdayRainbow thank you so much for your kind words.

I think that many men suffer equally from narcissistic women. It’s just that MN is mainly a women’s forum and we hear mainly their stories.

But yes, women are stronger than men. No doubt.

Of course men suffer, but even if life I think we hear more about men treating women badly because more men do than women.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I just don’t understand people at times.

I’m glad you’re in a better place now

i just need to find the strength from somewhere xx

In life*

You have strength from within @Broken12 . Let it come out as you believe in yourself.

I think that this is because men most often that not do not actually talk about it. Society puts pressure on them not to talk about these things because “it’s not manly enough” and “men shouldn’t be sensitive”.
Plus the abuse they suffer is most often emotional/verbal whoch cannot always be “proven”.
I know men who suffer by narcissistic women amd still stay for the kids. Which is a mistake I m afraid.

It's nearly always a mistake to stay for the kids.

I have brought my sons up to talk about their feelings and that it isn't a sign of weakness. It's a good thing to say how you are feeling and what you need. Now their father is being a dickhead they can see I was right.

Agree. I think it is very important for your kids to see that behaving badly to your spouse is not ok.

How are you doing @Broken12 ?

Todays been my best day since it happened. Been out and about with my babies and kept busy and when I’ve thought of things I’ve remembered the reality rather than the dream. Ie saw a family in the car and was initially sad thinking we won’t have another family day out together. Then I remembered that actually any family days were always planned by me, when I’ve found the right time to suggest one hoping he was in good mood, after I’ve booked it, got up with the kids and got everything ready only to have to wait around for him as he insists on staying up late (for me time) at the weekend and then having a lie in. So we used to always fall out before any day out anyway. They are so much more stress free when it’s just me and the kids!

I hear you. A few weeks go I saw a couple walking hand in hand when I was walking my dog. I felt sad that I'd never have that again and then I quickly realised I never had what I thought I had anyway.

I am so glad you've had a positive day. Remember this when you have a tough moment.

I’m really going to try to 😊 really need to remember what I had and not what I could have had

I say to myself, right now I feel shit but you felt shit before and you got through it so don't stress too much. You did it before and you can cope again. I talk to myself a lot. I've become my own best friend.

I will try this 😊

I hope it helps. You're doing great though. Remember that.

This is great! In this moment you recognised that you never had what you are mourning.

For me, I just wanted a happy family. The realisation I didn’t have one was my decision point on leaving a very unhappy and toxic relationship. I’m now 8 plus years on.

You’ve got this. You have the strength we’ve all seen it in every post you have written.