Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Family Court - HELP!

134 replies

FamilyCourt88 · 12/03/2024 16:31

I'm new on here and I've never posted before so I have no idea if I have posted in the right place, so a little help would be appreciated. I'm going through a tough time at the moment, on account of my dreadful ex-partner. We were together for 12 years and separated in 2020, up until August last year our daughter (7) went to his mum and dads house, where he moved into when we split, to spend time with him EOW.

In August 2023 she came home with a really bad hairdryer burn on her back and scratches on her face, from the same weekend at their house! They didn't let me know and I was mortified when I saw her back, she told me she asked for mummy all weekend but they didn't call me - Things didn't seem right as she had asked me several weekends before to ring her whilst she was with them as she missed me, when I did this they didn't answer...

He hasn't seen her since August 2023 and only just applied to court in January 2024 for 50/50... which has broken me, as he was never bothered about this before, not until he had to pay CSA.

Due to DV, police reported, sat on my chest so his dog could bite me... 😞the burn marks etc. - a solicitor has said he won't get that, which has helped calm the nerves a lot, I am still so very nervous for court on the 19th March

A lot more has gone on in between which I am happy to share, however my worry is, that whatever is granted, how do I force her to do something she doesn't want to do?? I have tried and encouraged until I'm blue in the face but nothing works... Since what happened with the burn and scratches she is refusing to go...

Again, I'm sorry if this has been posted in the wrong place - I'm at my witts end.

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 08/10/2024 10:14

Hi ladies... back again...

We're getting to the final hurdle now and have the Final Heating on Friday week... stressinghell as per normal, however Cafcass are finally seeing the damage it is causing DD and have suggested Contact Centres... like I said all the way back February! My DD is still extremely distressed and upset and this really is doing her no good, which Cafcass have recognised...

I think we go back to court after the 5 sessions to see how things have gone and how we proceed after this... Anybody had any experience with this as she's so upset...

He has also suggested Contact Centres weekly, I think fortnightly to give her time to process things...

I just need to chill xx

OP posts:
LucyandLudwig · 08/10/2024 10:17

FamilyCourt88 · 08/10/2024 10:14

Hi ladies... back again...

We're getting to the final hurdle now and have the Final Heating on Friday week... stressinghell as per normal, however Cafcass are finally seeing the damage it is causing DD and have suggested Contact Centres... like I said all the way back February! My DD is still extremely distressed and upset and this really is doing her no good, which Cafcass have recognised...

I think we go back to court after the 5 sessions to see how things have gone and how we proceed after this... Anybody had any experience with this as she's so upset...

He has also suggested Contact Centres weekly, I think fortnightly to give her time to process things...

I just need to chill xx

OP ask MNHQ to edit this as you have used your DD's name

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 08/10/2024 10:21

@LucyandLudwig OMG thank you so much...

I've just reported it so fingers crossed they sort it ASAP xx

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 08/10/2024 10:41

@LucyandLudwig How long does it normally take for them to come back? xx

OP posts:
LucyandLudwig · 08/10/2024 13:36

It has been changed now

HardToUnderstand · 08/10/2024 23:05

FamilyCourt88 · 08/10/2024 10:14

Hi ladies... back again...

We're getting to the final hurdle now and have the Final Heating on Friday week... stressinghell as per normal, however Cafcass are finally seeing the damage it is causing DD and have suggested Contact Centres... like I said all the way back February! My DD is still extremely distressed and upset and this really is doing her no good, which Cafcass have recognised...

I think we go back to court after the 5 sessions to see how things have gone and how we proceed after this... Anybody had any experience with this as she's so upset...

He has also suggested Contact Centres weekly, I think fortnightly to give her time to process things...

I just need to chill xx

You are absolutely doing right by recognising the damage to your DD and fighting for her. Who else will?

It drives me mad that men think they have a right to access when it is clearly so destructive for the child. Your poor DD. At least she has you in her corner.

Don't give up, don't stop fighting for her. And when she is screaming not to have contact definitely don't force her. I was instructed to do my best and my DC told me that by complying I was leaving them completely alone and unsupported. When I told the judge this, the judgement changed thank goodness. It's okay to say you tried it but it was too harmful to continue.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 09/10/2024 06:14

@HardToUnderstand Thank you so much ❤️ exactly my point...

The phone calls I have recorded are heartbreaking, she's physically screaming and crying for him to leave her alone?? And like I said I will always try but I will not force her and lose her trust...

I really appreciate your advice, it means a hell of a lot, I just want it all to be over now 😔

Xxxx

OP posts:
HardToUnderstand · 09/10/2024 07:34

I’ve been through a lot in my life but this was the worst.

Your poor child should not have to go through this. Can you imagine what she must go through to get to screaming at her Dad to leave her alone?

The good news though, is once they are safe emotionally (which she will be, she's got you), they recover so fast. My DC are absolutely thriving now it's all over and lfie has settled down for them.

I, on the other hand, will always carry the trauma of the family courts. Because of the high-powered job my ex does he managed to get social services to cautiously support him. They expressed reservations but said it's not enough to affect his quest for 50:50 (which he wasn't awarded in the end, but that was after multiple court cases, some of which it appeared he was winning).

Trust your instincts. If you have a sinking heart, a feeling you're throwing your daughter under the bus, don't. Tell the judge you tried but it was so detrimental to her that you couldn't continue and you recognised that it would damage her relationship even further with her father: best let her build gradually at her own pace.

She might not build but you don't have to say that. She might, later on too, and she might do what my DC have done and that is cross from one ditch into the other. The point is now though, and you can't add to the destruction of a little girl's mental health.

Look after yourself too though. It's such a lonely and punishing journey. It won't always be like this. And remember as well, even if the judge awards more time than you know is okay, then in reality nobody can force ably drag her anywhere, so she still has some degree of control. In my case the judge awarded alternate weekends but they don't go if they don't feel like it and everything's settled down like that, so the reality is they call the shots.

BlackStrayCat · 10/10/2024 12:53

I was thinking of you the other day.

You are doing so well.

Keep at it OP. Do look after yourself too x

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 10/10/2024 16:08

@HardToUnderstand

It's just the fear of the unknown all the time as all magistrates etc. are different and the Legal Reps are... and then to top it off the Cafcass Officers are changed every 5 minutes... however you will know this all too well!

I've always said it should be done at DD's pace, not anyone else's, she should be able to and be allowed to decide, she begged me not to make her go yesterday, as I did explain there was a chance we might need to go to a 'special place' (my name for the Contact Centre), and she still wasn't having any of it.
She said she didn't want to see him because she doesn't know him as he never spent time with her... so who would blame her for not wanting to go...

It's so reassuring to hear how it's all not settled down for you, I think unless you've been through the process you'd never understand how hard it actually is, I'm just glad we're nearing the end and I do hope they see and understand what this is going to my little girl...

Thank You so much xxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 10/10/2024 16:10

@BlackStrayCat

How are you?? :-)

Thank you so much, nearly there now thank god - I do know we need to go back after the 5 sessions for the next steps from Cafcass report, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it

xxx

OP posts:
Heretodayblownawaytomorrow · 10/10/2024 16:39

Stepping in to add my 2p....request in writing dd be allowed to leave the room if she gets distressed. That you will be outside waiting to comfort and reassure her she is safe. . My dd wasn't allowed to leave and it really showed Cafcass at their best... Not.. My older 2 (10 +7)didn't have to see their df.. Sadly the younger 2 (3+4) did. Even they went nc as teens. Thinking of you for tomorrow op. Keep composed... Keep factual. Don't dip in with tat for tit as much as you will want to.
Every heard that saying give a man enough rope? His df may have written his i statement but he won't be speaking in court for him.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 11/10/2024 19:23

So ladies ❤️ I cannot believe I'm saying this but it's all over... he came to court today and decided at the final hearing to withdraw his application... he decided not to continue and instead decided to ask for a DNA Test... however, WHEN this comes back positive he still doesn't want to pursue a relationship...

I feel like I'm on another planet... but it's over... Xxxxx

Thank you all so much for everything you have done for me

OP posts:
HardToUnderstand · 11/10/2024 19:27

I am SOOO happy for you op.

Could he try this all again in the future though?

I'm guessing today's record would go mightily against him.

I am SO happy for your daughter - she and you can finally heal now and get on with your lives ❤️

RandomMess · 11/10/2024 21:53

💕

So pleased for you and DD

Undercover4ever · 11/10/2024 22:33

Fingers crossed it's the end for you xx and you and your daughter have closure. But my ex did this and then changed his mind and re-opened proceedings which was allowed, so we are back at court ........

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 12/10/2024 04:38

@Undercover4ever
I've got everything crossed that this is the end - they told him that he would need to apply and go through everything again and he just said 'whatever' and that because he withdrew so late any application would be frowned upon... as I said from the beginning, it's all to do with money...

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 12/10/2024 04:40

@HardToUnderstand
We're so happy... she was running round screaming 🙈

He can do, but they will frown upon on anything as he withdrew so late, they laid into him but he wasn't budging, his mind was made up...

We'll have to see what he does... xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 12/10/2024 04:41

@RandomMess

We're so glad it's finally over... thank you for everything! ❤️

OP posts:
Weenurse · 12/10/2024 05:11

Congratulations, it has been a long journey

HardToUnderstand · 12/10/2024 07:05

FamilyCourt88 · 12/10/2024 04:40

@HardToUnderstand
We're so happy... she was running round screaming 🙈

He can do, but they will frown upon on anything as he withdrew so late, they laid into him but he wasn't budging, his mind was made up...

We'll have to see what he does... xxx

No, don't hang around to see what he does, live free!

It'll come in time. I lived in fear of return to court for about 18 months and then realised the DC are now thriving in their lives, both in school and at home (one has been suicidal and now loves life again), and no judge in their right mind would disrupt this clear success.

I'm so happy for you OP. What a rough journey it's been. But you had each other and you are her safe place, at long last.

BlackStrayCat · 12/10/2024 09:49

I am so so happy for you xxx😘
What an idiot he is.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 10/10/2025 13:53

I’m back… and it’s near enough a year to the final court hearing date where he dropped the case!!!

However, the idiot is now requesting a DNA test and I know it’s to avoid paying CMS, because I have to chase him for it…

He’s asked for the result to be sent to him only! I know it’ll be positive, however I know he’ll lie and say it’s negative!

Can I do anything??

Hope somebody can help ❤️

OP posts:
RandomMess · 10/10/2025 14:42

If it’s for CMS then they pick the tester and it gets reported back to them.

Go via CMS he’ll have to lay for the testing when it’s positive.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 10/10/2025 15:01

@RandomMessAh really? He’s already requested one with another company, can I request one with CMS myself?

Thank you so much for helping me, it’s always when you’re settled that they appear again!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread