Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Family Court - HELP!

134 replies

FamilyCourt88 · 12/03/2024 16:31

I'm new on here and I've never posted before so I have no idea if I have posted in the right place, so a little help would be appreciated. I'm going through a tough time at the moment, on account of my dreadful ex-partner. We were together for 12 years and separated in 2020, up until August last year our daughter (7) went to his mum and dads house, where he moved into when we split, to spend time with him EOW.

In August 2023 she came home with a really bad hairdryer burn on her back and scratches on her face, from the same weekend at their house! They didn't let me know and I was mortified when I saw her back, she told me she asked for mummy all weekend but they didn't call me - Things didn't seem right as she had asked me several weekends before to ring her whilst she was with them as she missed me, when I did this they didn't answer...

He hasn't seen her since August 2023 and only just applied to court in January 2024 for 50/50... which has broken me, as he was never bothered about this before, not until he had to pay CSA.

Due to DV, police reported, sat on my chest so his dog could bite me... 😞the burn marks etc. - a solicitor has said he won't get that, which has helped calm the nerves a lot, I am still so very nervous for court on the 19th March

A lot more has gone on in between which I am happy to share, however my worry is, that whatever is granted, how do I force her to do something she doesn't want to do?? I have tried and encouraged until I'm blue in the face but nothing works... Since what happened with the burn and scratches she is refusing to go...

Again, I'm sorry if this has been posted in the wrong place - I'm at my witts end.

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 14/03/2024 14:49

I cannot thank you all enough, for the amount of information and help you are all giving me. I am only going to the 1st hearing on my own, I think because of how evil he is I am going to go with a Barrister, just so that I am protected against his lies - I honestly don't think he will go, and will be happy for me to pay out for Solicitors and drag it on as long as possible. She is my absolute world and it's so sad that he is only thinking about his wallet and not how amazing she actually is.

I will 100% be purchasing the book when I get home and I will mention to the judge that she really has refused to go and see if they can offer up some advice.

Can I ask them to consider a fact finding hearing?

xx

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 14/03/2024 16:18

Another thing, I got married last year and took DD away on holiday, he did not contest this - however I feel he will end up contesting the one I have booked in June, just to be selfish. I've now panicked and read online that I can't take her without his permission, which I doubt he will give! It says online to apply for a Specific Issue Order, which I am happy to do - however, any advice on if I do this now? Mention it on Tuesday? Or just take her away on holiday? xx

OP posts:
User1123453245 · 15/03/2024 00:27

I’ve been through family court with my 2 DD’s, it can be a long and sometimes confusing process so I totally agree with the advice to take a solicitor if you can and a barrister for fact finding. I won’t go into detail but our case also involved DV which was found as fact. Ex was made to complete a domestic violence perpetrators course before any contact could be considered. This took around a year. Long story short supervised contact was granted 2hrs a fortnight, judge made it clear it was long term and only to be moved on at youngest DD’s pace (older dd was 12 by this point and was allowed to choose not to go). This contact broke down after about a year and I have recently got a final no contact order.

Re the holiday I had the exact same issue and my solicitor asked that the interim order issued after first court hearing included a ‘lives with’ order which stated they lived with me. That then allows you to take them abroad for up to 1 month without father’s permission. It was clearly written in the IO and I took a copy with me when I travelled (along with birth certs as I have a different surname). I was never actually asked for it but it gave me peace of mind before I travelled. Best of luck x

PurpleBugz · 15/03/2024 09:55

FamilyCourt88 · 14/03/2024 16:18

Another thing, I got married last year and took DD away on holiday, he did not contest this - however I feel he will end up contesting the one I have booked in June, just to be selfish. I've now panicked and read online that I can't take her without his permission, which I doubt he will give! It says online to apply for a Specific Issue Order, which I am happy to do - however, any advice on if I do this now? Mention it on Tuesday? Or just take her away on holiday? xx

Ask the judge on Tuesday. He/she may just give an interim order that gives you permission or may tell you to file specifically for it.

I know technically you need his permission but if you have the same surname as your child you are very unlikely to get challenged on it when going abroad especially if you can show you have return tickets. I used to be in a single parents group where this was a big worry for many and most said they have never been challenged. Only one who was had a different surname to the child and was visiting family in a country she ethnically looked like she came from. That's not to say ignore the law but it's not as big a deal as we think. If you are in court anyway it's worth asking- my final order says I can take kids abroad for up to two weeks without his permission- so if you travel a lot well worth asking for this in your order so save drama every time you travel

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 15/03/2024 11:17

Thank you so much, so the 'live with' and 'interim' could potentially be agreed on Tuesday? Is that whether he is there or not... because that would settle me slightly...

It's just all so shit! They make our life's hell for years together, why do they have to carry on?? Like we all know too well, it's the control they have lost and there is nothing they can do about it anymore.

Xx

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 15/03/2024 11:25

FamilyCourt88 · 15/03/2024 11:17

Thank you so much, so the 'live with' and 'interim' could potentially be agreed on Tuesday? Is that whether he is there or not... because that would settle me slightly...

It's just all so shit! They make our life's hell for years together, why do they have to carry on?? Like we all know too well, it's the control they have lost and there is nothing they can do about it anymore.

Xx

Yes you will get an interim order that will set out who child lives with and a pattern of contact to follow until your final hearing. You will almost certainly get lives with you as that's the status quo and least disruptive to the child. To get lives with ex you would need to have accusations of abuse against you with enough evidence the judge orders a fact finding to decide the truth of it.

You will get the interim order wether he turns up or not. If he's not even sending a solicitor it will look very bad on him and much more favourable to you.

Illpickthatup · 15/03/2024 11:55

I'm sure if you have a lives with order you don't need his permission to take her on holiday. If you don't have that you can just apply for a specific issues order and they should grant it unless he can provide good reason for you DD missing out on a holiday.

Just playing devil's advocate here as you'll need to be careful of the facts rather than speculation in court. What happened with the hairdryer burn? I assume it was an accident? I accidentally burnt my DSD with a curling tong once, was a tiny red mark, but I'd hate to think someone thought it was abuse. Was there an explanation for the scratches on her face? Sometimes my DSD looks like she's been through the wars. She ran out of school this week and tripped up and hit her head on the pavement. She's covered in scrapes and bruises. I'm not excusing his behaviour but I think it's easy to jump to conclusions because he has been abusive towards you.

Has he not seem her since August through his choice or have you not allowed her to go.

Also, we have my DSD6 50% and don't allow calls between parents. Her mum is very high conflict and contact with her is kept to a minimum. It's also not good for kids to be in constant contact with their other parent as it prevents them from settling at the house they're at and can make separation anxiety worse. We also don't inform each other of every injury DSD gets. If she ended up in hospital of course but for every day falls and bumps no.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Your ex sounds horrid. It can be a difficult balancing act trying to encourage contact whilst also protecting your DD. Keep yourself right. Keep any correspondence that proves you have tried to encourage contact and keep a note of all the times he's failed to show. He might accuse you of parental alienation so make sure you have evidence to prove that's not the case.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 15/03/2024 15:11

Thank you @Illpickthatup Will I need to take the order to the airport with me?? Sorry for sounding stupid but this is all so very new...

To be honest I don't know if it was an accident, along with the scratches as he hasn't spoken to me since October 2021 and the explanation from his dad was 'she did it herself when she got up' nothing about the scratches...

She has refused to go and again as he hasn't spoken to me since that date his dad stopped asking if she was going in September time last year... he then went to court in Jan this year

He's a waste of time, he really is

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 15/03/2024 15:20

He has done more than what I've wrote on here but I can't put everything on in fear of him somehow finding out ❤️

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 15/03/2024 15:46

FamilyCourt88 · 15/03/2024 15:11

Thank you @Illpickthatup Will I need to take the order to the airport with me?? Sorry for sounding stupid but this is all so very new...

To be honest I don't know if it was an accident, along with the scratches as he hasn't spoken to me since October 2021 and the explanation from his dad was 'she did it herself when she got up' nothing about the scratches...

She has refused to go and again as he hasn't spoken to me since that date his dad stopped asking if she was going in September time last year... he then went to court in Jan this year

He's a waste of time, he really is

Yeah take the order with you when you travel just in case. Especially if you have a different surname from DD as they sometimes question that.

Did DD not tell you what happened?

The court will be able to see that there's been no communication from his end and no attempt to arrange contact with DD. They're hardly going to suddenly offer 50:50 we he can't even manage EOWE.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 15/03/2024 15:56

Thank you so much for your advice, I wouldn't have thought about taking it... total novice as I wasn't expecting it to happen really, however it's his money he's not happy handing over!!

I asked her and she said it hurt and asked for mummy all weekend, and that the dryer touched her back, but then gets really upset... so it's gutted me to be honest. She talks to me about everything, so something doesn't seem quite right to me.

That's what I thought... fingers crossed he doesn't even turn up!

OP posts:
Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 10:08

Court tomorrow, have everything in line all thanks to all of you ❤️

OP posts:
mummymummymummummum · 18/03/2024 10:23

Hope it goes well. You’ve got this 💪🏻 💜

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 10:32

Really couldn't have done it without everyone's advice! I had everything printed out and ready, so the advice on what to say in court has been a godsend!

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 18/03/2024 10:42

I hope it all goes well for you OP, you've got this!

Resilience · 18/03/2024 10:50

Good luck!

CliffsofMohair · 18/03/2024 10:56

Good luck

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 13:41

Can somebody help me understand why his dad felt the need to send me over a statement written by him with a list of demands that has been sent to court??? Should he have done this??

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 18/03/2024 13:47

FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 13:41

Can somebody help me understand why his dad felt the need to send me over a statement written by him with a list of demands that has been sent to court??? Should he have done this??

My DH is in court at the moment with his ex over a house. He was told to send his statement to the court and also to her solicitor ahead of the hearing.

Look at it as a good thing. It gives you a heads up of what he's going to ask for in court so you won't be taken by surprise. You also have some time to pick it apart and come up with reason for and against what he is asking.

PurpleBugz · 18/03/2024 13:51

FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 13:41

Can somebody help me understand why his dad felt the need to send me over a statement written by him with a list of demands that has been sent to court??? Should he have done this??

Is it titled 'position statement' ?

It's probably that. He's basically setting out his position key points and what he wants.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 13:52

@Illpickthatup obviously wound me up straight away! But you're right, and it's made it a lot easier to write mine

He hasn't uttered a word of DD in his statement, just demands on when he wants to see her and at what time. Including the dates he wants court and Cafcass to have carried everything out!!

Surely this will just ryle court up??

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 18/03/2024 14:27

FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 13:52

@Illpickthatup obviously wound me up straight away! But you're right, and it's made it a lot easier to write mine

He hasn't uttered a word of DD in his statement, just demands on when he wants to see her and at what time. Including the dates he wants court and Cafcass to have carried everything out!!

Surely this will just ryle court up??

Yeah he'll not get far with his me me me attitude. It's all about what suits him and what he wants rather than what is best for DD. They'll probably see that he only wants 50:50 because he'll then not have to pay maintenance.

They'll probably ask why he hasn't seen her since last year so be prepared for accusations that you've prevented him. Male sure you have evidence that you've tried to facilitate contact.

Keep your responses child centred. What DD wants and what is best for her. Try to stick to what you can offer her rather than slate her dad. You offer her stability and consistency. She feels safe with you and has a good routine at your house.

Original poster
FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 14:43

@Illpickthatup he's listed, in fact not him, his dad has listed dates and times and weekend of contact starting this weekend! It's laughable! Nothing that says it's in her best interest that contact is gradual to build up a relationship so I think like you said it won't go down well with so many demands.

I can offer her stability, consistency, routine, she has always lived with me, never ever him and now he pays CSA he wants her 50/50??

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 18/03/2024 14:54

FamilyCourt88 · 18/03/2024 14:43

@Illpickthatup he's listed, in fact not him, his dad has listed dates and times and weekend of contact starting this weekend! It's laughable! Nothing that says it's in her best interest that contact is gradual to build up a relationship so I think like you said it won't go down well with so many demands.

I can offer her stability, consistency, routine, she has always lived with me, never ever him and now he pays CSA he wants her 50/50??

Yes, if he had suggested a more gradual transition to 50:50 he would have a better chance. It's obvious he's not considering DD in this at all and it's all about him. From what I've heard, court tend to go with the status quo and generally avoid making big changes to the child's current routine unless it's in their best interest. He's not even considering that 50:50 will be a huge change for DD and offering to make that transition easier for her or compromising.

I don't think you have anything to worry about tomorrow. Stay strong and I hope it all goes well.

Jandob · 18/03/2024 15:12

Should probably be supervised sessions. Not overnight etc. Speak to solicitor about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread