Can my husband force house sale in divorce?

[skaw15]

Hi.
I'm currently going through a divorce with my husband. We have a 13yo daughter together, I also have a 19yo son and a 17yo daughter from a previous relationship. My 13yo and my 19yo both live with me in a 4 bedroom house. I have a joint mortgage with my husband, he has moved out and is privately renting a 2bed flat and I currently pay the full mortgage and bills. My husband has our daughter overnight one night a week and once in the week for dinner. He does pay child maintenance.
We have 165k equity in our property, however we purchased it for a low price with no deposit from my family. Could I be forced to sell if I won't buy him out?
Thanks :)

The fact that you are main carer to your joint dc means you need a bedroom for her, which a 2 bedroom house would provide. It also means he should pay you CM, which he is.

Who advised you of this? The purchase was a joint purchase (although you say you weren't employed at the time so surely that means he would have incurred more costs?)

Your offer is incredibly unfair. You have one child living with you and one adult. That's it. You don't need four bedrooms. It doesn't matter who owned the house before you did, family or not. That doesn't come into it and doesn't give you more of a claim to the equity.

You're being unfair and unrealistic.

If you want to keep the house in the family, is it possible that someone in your family could help you buy him out?

The law will not agree with you on this.

@llj13 can you see where others are coming from or not at all? I
Think you're so set in your belief this is a bit pointless I'm afraid. Go see a decent divorce solicitor to set you straight, at least then you'll know where you stand and can plan accordingly

You seem to be living in cloud cuckoo land, OP.

My advice?

Buy some cushions for when planet earth inevitably comes up to meet you!

Do you believe yet that, although you might do a bit better than 50% - especially as your ex is suggesting 42% already and especially if agreed in mediation where things like care to facilitate night shifts can be discussed (NB - this could also be covered by your DD being at his more, of course) - you are not going to get 80-90%?

OP,

(If this is not a wind up), you need to see sense and see it soon.

Neither of you are wealthy and you are playing for a rapidly diminishing pot of £165,000.

When the court considers both your needs, you cannot provide two good sized houses on your joint assets and income, so you need to provide smaller ones, end of.

You can deduct from this pot legal fees (could easily end up in the 10s of thousands) and ramping up both your costs pre divorce. I don’t know how a court would allocate costs considering your obstruction.

Ultimately, if you go on this way, the 2 bed may end up beyond your means and he may end up with your daughter, with you paying maintenance to him.

You need to listen to the mediator and be prepared to accept advice.

Have you had any legal advice op do you have your own solicitor? Because if so you are being misadvised. If not you need to get one who hopefully will talk some sense into you
you are being very unreasonable

I appreciate my son is an adult but he helps with my daughter a lot with childcare so would that not go in my favour?

No. If DD has special needs and requires a carer and if your DS is that carer, he can possibly claim Carer's Allowance. If you require childcare, depending on your earnings (there is a legal threshold, it has nothing to do with how low you feel your earnings are) you may be able to claim some childcare costs back from the government.

You can simply claim child care fee from your husband as far as what he contributes

No she can't. Her ex isn't responsible for childcare costs incurred during her contact time with their DD. He is only responsible for childcare costs he incurs during his contact time with their DD.

I work a lot of my shifts as night shifts to earn better money so someone needs to stay in the house with her or be able to take her or pick her up from school if I'm not around.

Gosh OP you've got a lot of waking up to do. Many many people are limited in their job choices after divorce. You may be one of them.

If you want to work nightshifts when living in a two bedroom property, your DS could return from wherever he will be living to sleep in your bedroom overnight during these shifts, enabling him to continue providing childcare for you. Otherwise, you'll need to prepare yourself to look for another job working daytimes so you can pay a childcare provider. This is what many single parents have to do. At 13, your DD can make her own way to/from school.

If I was a judge and I heard that you're absent overnight and wanting to shaft your ex for an extra bedroom so you can continue to use a teenage adult son for free childcare, I'd be hearing alarm bells. Not just about your unreasonableness in this whole situation, but I'd be wondering does the 19yr old really stay home the entire time you're out and is he always sober? I'd be wondering is he willing to provide childcare or just being told to stay home for his sister but doesn't actually want to, so is the 13yr old perhaps being left unattended for long periods of time possibly entire nights? Your ex has a two bedroom property and a (daytime?) job, I'd be awarding RP status to him and you could have DD once or twice a week as the non RP. You'd then have to pay him child support payment and he'd claim the child benefit and tax credits (or whatever is available for single parents now).

You are in a four bedroom house with only one dependent. Your ex is not on a high income. He paid the mortgage and all bills whilst you didn’t work. So essentially, he also financially supported two children who weren’t his. He has asked for 40% equity of a property he jointly owns, giving you the larger share. Pensions are equal. The only sensible thing to do is accept his offer before he changes his mind and then sell the house, you can’t afford to keep it. Court will force the sale and it will cost you both 1000’s to get to that point . If I was your ex I’d also push for my court costs to be taken from your equity ( because buying him out fairly was never an option and he had no choice but to instruct a solicitor). Your never going to get the ridiculous equity split you are proposing. It will not benefit you to drag things out.

“If I was a judge and I heard that you're absent overnight and wanting to shaft your ex for an extra bedroom so you can continue to use a teenage adult son for free childcare, I'd be hearing alarm bells. Not just about your unreasonableness in this whole situation, but I'd be wondering does the 19yr old really stay home the entire time you're out and is he always sober? I'd be wondering is he willing to provide childcare or just being told to stay home for his sister but doesn't actually want to, so is the 13yr old perhaps being left unattended for long periods of time possibly entire nights? “

I think this is very much overstating the case.

Doesn’t mean I agree with OP, but this is pure speculation.

OP, does your 19 year old work?

You don't need your ds to do overnight babysitting for you, your dd can jus5 go stay with her other parent those nights.

No he doesn't work at the minute. He however drives which is a massive help. He has a type of autoimmune disease but it doesn't stop him working or driving so maybe that condition may go in my favour?

My husband couldn't have her overnight as he works early mornings and couldn't get her to school.

The original figure he had asked for was 36% but has now changed that as he said his legal fees are costing a lot and now he needs to reimburse that but surely that's not on me

No he does it out of choice. He's in most nights anyway so it's not an issue for him!!

@skaw15 I'm beginning to wonder if you are just winding people up OP. Divorce and asset splitting doesn't work around making sure your lifestyle and work arrangements can remain exactly the same I'm afraid . It's a very businesslike hard nosed thing- what have you got and how can we split this to make sure you are both housed etc . It doesn't factor in your19 year old and probably not your 17 year old either or your working arrangements -

Op, I was sympathetic with you at the beginning, but now I'm afraid it sounds like you're on the wind up. Will you get more for your adult sons illness?!?

I think you should have bitten his hand off at 36% I'm afraid

Ultimately, if you go on this way, the 2 bed may end up beyond your means

This is what you need to ponder, OP. Burning time and money on unrealistic expectations is going to erode the ability you have now to get a decent, albeit smaller, place. Solicitors' fees mount up quickly. There are costs to selling, costs for removal and redecorating, stamp duties, etc. - it's not the huge pool of money you may be thinking, once it's split and various vendors are paid.

Get a sofa bed for the new living room if need be, for your son.

The legal fees will be paid from the equity of the house if you don’t have savings dragging your feet being stubborn and having unrealistic expectations is going cost more then add on fees for the house being sold you may find you don’t have enough left for the 2 bedroom house

What you seem desperate not to understand is that the court will start with the presumption that you are each due half of the marital assets and that all or most of the reasons you think you will walk away with almost everything are legally irrelevant.

An offer of taking 36% was wildly generous of him. He's come to his senses since then.

So,
You earn more than your ex
You receive child maintenance from your ex
Your adult dc will be disregarded by the court, and expected to contribute independently to your housing costs if he wants to remain under your roof
Your 17yo dd lives with her dad and therefore will also be disregarded by the court.
NEITHER of your two eldest dc are the financial responsibility of your ex - either regarding their current circumstances or from an inheritance perspective
Your 13yo does not need daytime childcare, and at 13 can be left to get up and to school independently so she can absolutely stay at her dad's when you work nights your adult son's 'childcare' is for your peace of mind not a necessity (and even if it was you would be expected to fund it independently outside any financial order)

Your ex will very easily be able to take you to court (after even one failed mediation session) and without REALLY REALLY SIGNIFICANT ADDITIONAL MITIGATING FACTORS you will be forced to sell the house. And get WAAAAAAAAY less than the 87.5% you are currently dreaming of.

Wake up op.

The original figure he had asked for was 36% but has now changed that as he said his legal fees are costing a lot and now he needs to reimburse that but surely that's not on me

Of course it’s a joint expense, that’s being ramped up by your completely unreasonable and unrealistic demands.
The longer you drag this out the less ££££ there will be left to divide between you.

My husband couldn't have her overnight as he works early mornings and couldn't get her to school.

Of course he can have her. Most DC in secondary school take themselves to school on public transport. He'd possibly need to alter his job or his shifts, pay for breakfast club/childminder etc. You know, the things single parents do to fit their working lives around their DC's needs. If he's a low earner he'd get some of his childcare costs back from the government if he's RP.

He has a type of autoimmune disease but it doesn't stop him working or driving so maybe that condition may go in my favour?

This has zero to do with your divorce terms, child maintenance payment for DD, your childcare needs or the financial settlement of divorce. It's completely irrelevant to anything concerning your divorce/parenting of DD.

DS may be home most nights for now, but what are you going to do if he develops a social life outside the home? Gets a boy/girlfriend? Or perhaps you're spousifying him, expecting him to take the place of the partner you don't have? His sister isn't his responsibility. Relying on him as your only plan for childcare is really short sighted for your own future and possibly stifling his own life (if he goes along with it).

This is a wind up, surely.

Yours husbands equity will not be reduced because of an adult that isn't even his adult child.

He has no financial responsibility for your son or your childcare arrangements.

No, your sons condition can't be leveraged. Your husband has no responsibility for him. His equity won't be reduced to accommodate your son.

Since you earn more, you may even get a worse deal tha what he is offering. Plenty of single parents manage to work early and their teens get themselves to school. That's not a reason he can't have her more. He may use that as an excuse. But the longer this goes, the bigger chance he uses residency as leverage.

If you aren't on the wind up, you need to wise up.