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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can my husband force house sale in divorce?

256 replies

skaw15 · 06/12/2023 11:43

Hi.
I'm currently going through a divorce with my husband. We have a 13yo daughter together, I also have a 19yo son and a 17yo daughter from a previous relationship. My 13yo and my 19yo both live with me in a 4 bedroom house. I have a joint mortgage with my husband, he has moved out and is privately renting a 2bed flat and I currently pay the full mortgage and bills. My husband has our daughter overnight one night a week and once in the week for dinner. He does pay child maintenance.
We have 165k equity in our property, however we purchased it for a low price with no deposit from my family. Could I be forced to sell if I won't buy him out?
Thanks :)

OP posts:
llj13 · 06/12/2023 14:19

As I've said previously a 2bedroom will not do for me as even though my son isn't a dependent he lives with me and needs a room.

I may not of worked for many years and he may of paid for rent then mortgage and other expenses but that was his choice and I still had 3 children to raise and pick up from school drop off and all the other activities kids do. Someone had to be at home to feed them and look after them. I did receive benefits at this time to contribute when I could or to provide and help.

CharlotteBog · 06/12/2023 14:20

skaw15 · 06/12/2023 12:18

We did purchase the house jointly however if it wasn't sold to us so cheaply from my family we would never of been able to afford to buy!!
I was looking after the children so wasn't working at the time we purchased however now I work a hard full time job to provide for them and it's a good job I do as he doesn't pay for the house I do!

My only child with my husband is 13,
My son is a previous relationship.

It doesn't work like that. It would be impossible to calculate what was 'fair'.

My ex had the deposit for what is now my home. I've never worked it out, but I paid WAY more off the mortgage, including a massive lump which meant we were mortgage free. On divorcing I bought him out and he got his 1/2.

You will be advised to go to mediation prior to court. Your husband's reluctance to do so will not make him look favourable.

llj13 · 06/12/2023 14:26

To clarify my husband has invited me to mediation. We have our first session in a few weeks. Although I feel this is just a stepping stone for him to get to court

LaurieStrode · 06/12/2023 14:30

llj13 · 06/12/2023 14:19

As I've said previously a 2bedroom will not do for me as even though my son isn't a dependent he lives with me and needs a room.

I may not of worked for many years and he may of paid for rent then mortgage and other expenses but that was his choice and I still had 3 children to raise and pick up from school drop off and all the other activities kids do. Someone had to be at home to feed them and look after them. I did receive benefits at this time to contribute when I could or to provide and help.

The court won't care about what your adult son wants.

Your husband was providing your keep while you were SAHM; that has financial value.

50/50 seems fair; 60/40 is generous on his part.

lartghy421 · 06/12/2023 14:32

Speak to your mortgage provider. Find out the most you can borrow and then make an offer to him. At least it's a start

squirrelnutkin10 · 06/12/2023 14:34

Op you really aren't listening!
You have had good (free) advice from a solicitor
You have had unanimous advice that what your DH is asking is fair
Yet l am pretty sure from your responses that you will probably do what friends of our did, which was fight so hard through lawyers that 70% of their equity went on fees and there was little left for either...

No point posting if you don't want to hear what is said.

MargotBlobby · 06/12/2023 14:40

OP - you need to accept the reality of the situation. Him accepting 40-42% is a gift. Take it.

NonSequentialRhubarb · 06/12/2023 14:41

If the roles were reversed and you were the stepparent, would you be willing to let your ex have 87.5% of the equity because your adult stepchild was living with them? I doubt it.

napody · 06/12/2023 14:43

Another saying take the 60% and start looking for 2 bed places before he changes his mind!

tescocreditcard · 06/12/2023 15:06

llj13 · 06/12/2023 14:26

To clarify my husband has invited me to mediation. We have our first session in a few weeks. Although I feel this is just a stepping stone for him to get to court

Yes he absolutely is using mediation as a stepping stone. He will organise it, go once, tell you he wants 40% of the equity and if you refuse he'll go to court. And then he'll go to court.

And the court will be very likely indeed to give him at least 40% of the equity.

What I don't understand is why you're arguing with us, saying "not fair, not fair". Do you think doing this will get you more equity? It's bizzare.

SecondUsername4me · 06/12/2023 15:08

Unless the discount (aka parental contribution) was somehow ringfenced when you purchased the home, in your favour, then it bears no weight now when you come to sell.

SecondUsername4me · 06/12/2023 15:09

Also, you rectify any imbalance in wages when you were off work raising your joint child by requesting a share of his pension. Not through the house sale.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 06/12/2023 15:11

As a PP said, you need to find out what your mortgage capacity is and how much 2 beds are going for locally.

And if it is so important to your son that he has a bedroom, maybe he should pay you a decent rent, so that you might be able to stretch to a 3 bed.

If you dig your heels in over this you could end up with considerable legal fees and a costs order being made against you.

There isn’t enough money in the pot to maintain your current standards of living. Both of you are going to have to make sacrifices. Your husband has accepted that. You clearly haven’t.

SecondUsername4me · 06/12/2023 15:13

llj13 · 06/12/2023 14:16

@SecondUsername4me because it's just how we decided to do it when we split. He works 6/7 days a week and also my daughter is a teenager who likes being out with her friends or at home in her bedroom at my house with all her things. She could go round more if she chose too. She has a bedroom at her dads but it's very basic.

Well, with his share if the equity maybe he can work less and provide a nicer space for his dd.

LemonTT · 06/12/2023 15:21

llj13 · 06/12/2023 13:01

Because I have his daughter 90% of the time

Show quote history

In terms of equity split that is not that important and will be dealt with as part of the Chikd support he is paying. You both still need 2 bedroom properties. The only relevant issue is income disparity.

ColleenDonaghy · 06/12/2023 15:27

my biggest worry is not being able to provide the same again for my children x

Aside from anything else OP, previously your joint income as parents had to fund one household. Now it has to fund two. It isn't realistic to expect the same standard of living, although that does of course suck.

And of course your ex doesn't want to fund your DC that aren't his own, especially at their age and with one of them not living with you.

SecondUsername4me · 06/12/2023 15:31

Presumably all the time you were not working to be home with your joint child he funded everything, including the costs of your sole children living there too?

Smellslikesummer · 06/12/2023 15:48

As I've said previously a 2bedroom will not do for me as even though my son isn't a dependent he lives with me and needs a room
and as everybody on this thread has told you: this has nothing to do with your ex and the fact that he owns half of the house.

Workawayxx · 06/12/2023 15:50

lartghy421 · 06/12/2023 14:32

Speak to your mortgage provider. Find out the most you can borrow and then make an offer to him. At least it's a start

This is what I'd do - get all the info out there. Could you buy him out and take on the existing mortgage? You could also offer a lower figure with no child maintenance payable (I believe you could agree that then still go after CM via the CMS so he'd need to trust you if you offered that).

I'd also see a solicitor prior to mediation. Do either of you have savings or pensions? These will also be taken into account so you'll need to know the value of those.

llj13 · 06/12/2023 15:56

SecondUsername4me · 06/12/2023 15:31

Presumably all the time you were not working to be home with your joint child he funded everything, including the costs of your sole children living there too?

Yes he did however I received CM from my other childrens father and also benefits so it wasn't all on him!

SheilaFentiman · 06/12/2023 16:04

Personally, I think it sucks that courts consider children to be adults at 18 in the context of CM etc, when so many kids live at home into their 20s given COL.

But they do.

And that cuts both ways for you, unusually, as although you no longer get CM for your 19 year old, you also won’t have to pay it to your other ex for your 17 year old for much longer.

SecondUsername4me · 06/12/2023 16:06

SheilaFentiman · 06/12/2023 16:04

Personally, I think it sucks that courts consider children to be adults at 18 in the context of CM etc, when so many kids live at home into their 20s given COL.

But they do.

And that cuts both ways for you, unusually, as although you no longer get CM for your 19 year old, you also won’t have to pay it to your other ex for your 17 year old for much longer.

But by 19 they can be earning a wage to contribute to the bills. So if the OPs 19yo worked and gave her rent she could add that to her wages and use it to pay for a larger place.

SheilaFentiman · 06/12/2023 16:08

Agree it is possible - though I doubt a 19 year old (esp if at uni or anything) could earn enough to pay for an extra room.

My point is more a wider philosophical one - many kids continue to be net £ drains rather than £ contributors over 18, but it is usually the RP supporting that drain and the NRP can just stop doing so.

Taurusandvirgo · 06/12/2023 16:15

We also bought the house for quite a low price from my family.

This is irrelevant to anything other than your emotions.

The 19yr old is an adult and responsible for housing himself. If he's young for his age, moving into a flat share could help him grow up a bit. If you want to continue housing him that's upto you but your ex husband doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. Even if you house your 19yr old it's not unreasonable to expect him to pay his way, so charging him a third of rent and bills, which would help you afford something with enough bedrooms.

Or perhaps you could buy a mortgage with your son, if you're happy to continue living together? You'd need to be prepared to have him move a girlfriend in at some point or to sell/buy him out to release his share of the equity when he wants to set up home with someone. You don't have to own the property 50/50 with him.

Getthethrowonthesofa · 06/12/2023 16:26

I’m sorry op. I think you’ve zero chance of getting what you want, what he is offering is very fair indeed. If it was me I’d be concerned that at court you will get less than 58 percent, he’s being very generous as a starting point.

i don’t really get your arguments, you just keep saying it’s not fair as you stayed home, but I assume you wanted to, and he paid for the mortgage.

divorce sucks, but only one child is taken into consideration, your joint child. The 13 year old. And that’s where cm comes in. You will both be told to house yourselves and you will not be able to take the equity like you wish off him.

i would really consider your position, as right now you cannot win what you wish,

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