How do you cope financially

[Mr77]

I'm not fully through the divorce process and I'm looking at what is going to be a, very bleak future.

It seems like the ex wife will get the house as she works from home three out of five days a week, and we have two children with special needs.

I'm told I'll still be on the mortgage, yet not living there and still liable for it.

I'll be renting somewhere and no doubt paying more than I was for the mortgage.
Also I'll be paying CM.

The thing I find hard to comprehend is that EW will keep the house, continue to receive DLA and CB (total £950pcm) and a chunk of child maintenance from me.

She does earn more than me, but not by a huge margin, but she does have the ability to earn more in her job.

Will the court take into account my earnings, rent and all other associated bills when going over Form E's and look at what is fair?

Is child maintenance means tested, because the rent around here is huge, and I'd need to be in relative close proximity to my children's schools.
It could be that I'm left with absolutely nothing financially once all payments go out.

@FSTraining I think your numbers for universal credit are way off if she's earning 20k + she would have a small top up but it would be around £500 not £2000? Even with disability element.

I think what most people are trying to say is that if the OPs job prevents him from being able to have his children for the minimal contact requested perhaps starting to look at alternative hours would be a way forward.

The mother is working 40 hours a week and caring for two children with additional needs.

@Mr77 you said you weren't sure if child maintenance was means tested.

It is. Based on a 29k a year income and if you'd be having the children 2 nights a week you'd be paying 275 a month if that helps.

Dude, I was divorced 5 years ago and it was tough, however, my one bit of advice is to do your best and try and talk to her it will end up saving you both thousands. It's easy for both parties to get toxic advice I think if tell her you want hers, yours and the kid best interests at heart then she'll probably listen to you. Good luck

Very good advice. I'm recently divorced. ExH has done many things to piss me off but I've bitten my tongue and just done what's best for the kids. You're separated. You're out of something that wasn't right for either of you, trying to be amicable and being able to discuss things that will benefit you both is the best out of shitty situation.

I think once you get your mindset round to, we're no longer together, so letting as much go over your head as possible the better or it's just exhausting. If you both can speak politely to each other it just oils the cogs to get through this as quickly as possible.

I don't want to sound like a dick but I realised how much I needed my ex to be OK, financially and mentally as she would be mostly raising my son (we have care 70/30) Once I realised that I was so much more fine with everything.

The cheeky moo borrows a few quid off me here and there and I'm happy to help her out (because it costs a flipping fortune to raise kids and give them what they deserve) and as a result of not being a wanker, we're probably better friends now than we were when we were married.

We learned very early on that a solicitor acting for the other party will write absolutely and bullshit in a letter or email to try to push you to agree to all sorts. Ignore it.

Fill in your financial forms and represent yourself in court.

A judge will encourage you to agree to something between you but if what your ex and her representation are requesting is unreasonable, a judge will stem in and make a decision based on what they believe to be fair to both parties.

You will not be left unable to house yourself but you will need to speak up and refuse any unreasonable requests.

Yes, you won't be allowed access to the house on a whim once you no longer live there - even if you're on the mortgage. DH was told by his solicitor not to pay the household bills once he had moved out as he would have his own living costs to pay. This only works in reality if you believe your ex will pay the mortgage in order to not wreck her own credit rating as well as yours. Dh's ex left the home in the end but kept breaking in until she was told in court she wasn't allowed access without making prior arrangement to enter. DH paid all the household bills until the house was sold.

You can be represented by a solicitor for as much or as little of the process as you like. You don't have to go all in and have them represent you for everything. DH had advice for his paperwork but represented himself in court to keep costs down. The judge was very fair and would make sure things were explained along the way.

You can also look at a Mackenzie friend to support you too.

Exactly that. The happier you both are with the situation the better.

She's not just claiming UC and also I'm talking specifically about the childcare costs in my above post. If you are a UC claimant you are eligible to claim for up to 85% of your childcare costs. The maximum you can claim is £950.92 for one child or £1,630.15 for 2 or more children.

I think this is sound advice but I do find it a very hard balancing act though. I'm willing to be generous enough to ensure the children are okay but not so generous that she would take a step back at work.

I think it depends on who you are divorcing really; having gone straight from living with parents to living with me, my ex-wife found it a struggle to become independent not just in the financial sense but generally (e.g. how to get a mortgage, how to buy insurance, how to plan meals for the week, when to take the car in for an MOT etc etc). It was just exhausting having to constantly help her out with the small stuff and I had to step away in the end because she needed to learn to do these things for herself.