How do you cope financially

[Mr77]

I'm not fully through the divorce process and I'm looking at what is going to be a, very bleak future.

It seems like the ex wife will get the house as she works from home three out of five days a week, and we have two children with special needs.

I'm told I'll still be on the mortgage, yet not living there and still liable for it.

I'll be renting somewhere and no doubt paying more than I was for the mortgage.
Also I'll be paying CM.

The thing I find hard to comprehend is that EW will keep the house, continue to receive DLA and CB (total £950pcm) and a chunk of child maintenance from me.

She does earn more than me, but not by a huge margin, but she does have the ability to earn more in her job.

Will the court take into account my earnings, rent and all other associated bills when going over Form E's and look at what is fair?

Is child maintenance means tested, because the rent around here is huge, and I'd need to be in relative close proximity to my children's schools.
It could be that I'm left with absolutely nothing financially once all payments go out.

They just deleted one of my posts berating someone who has done nothing but slander the OP in this thread. I'm going to take it up with the administrators of the site because something is very wrong here.

Hate speech?! Jesus Christ. I agree with several points @ChristmasCrumpet has made so won't be mass reporting posts just because one person doesn't like them. I'm not sure you should be enticing others to report on your behalf either.

Several other posters have also pointed out the red flags in some of the language used by the OP. The OP may not realise how some of these things come across but sadly this is the society we live in and it's totally normal for some people to think like this about children and women's work.

Ah. We’ve been infiltrated by MRAs.

Excellent.

They aren’t equal because one of them is the going to be the primary (and often default - especially with a coparent who says ‘nothing can legally force me to have them’) parent who is housing the children the majority of the time.

Where there are limited assets, it’s in the children’s best interests to ensure the split enables their resident parent to house them as best the split can.

Man has to rent 2 bed flat that isn’t as fancy aa he’d like is not the dreadful sob story some father’s wish we’d believe it were.

Nor is ‘man has to pay maintenance to support his children’.

Also her housing needs have the additional factor that she needs to be able to work from home 3 days a week and house her children. This does matter.

I didn't report anything. Someone else has, or maybe a moderator picked it up of their own accord.

She jumped to conclusions and personally attacked the OP with no basis in fact. She wasn't the only one but she was the worst offender. If MumsNet tolerates this, along with the anti-trans threads elsewhere, then I think it is skating on thin ice. I would already caution my employer about advertising on here.

I'm not an MRA, far from it. However, I do see people like @ChristmasCrumpet and MRAs as two sides of the same coin.

If this is what you think the OP is asking about you haven't read his questions properly.

I'm not sure why asking for help with how to work out finances has to result in personal attacks and insinuations of bad character?

I think the problem may be that you haven’t properly read what he’s asking.

But I also think your response is going to involve phrases like ‘hate crime’. So I doubt there’s any point.

Only you're not. Ops stated that he's asked for 3 nights per week which is near as damnit 50/50. The 65+ days that the ex has asked for would appear to be the majority of school holidays and a large chunk of weekends as presumably the kids are in school Monday to Friday.

Since neither the OP or his main supporter have answered maybe you can.

If he has them for 65 days who has the other 300? I know my maths is shit but that's not 50/50.

I wonder if his 3 night proposal is Fri, Sat, Sun.

So no childcare required on the Friday, (not sure if ages have been mentioned but I'm assuming school aged) and either he'd get them from school, or the exW would still have to do the pick up (the bit that actually causes inconvenience to work) and he wants to pick them up after his work comfortably finishes. Then, Saturday night, Sunday night, and drop them to school/ the exW to take to school on Monday morning.

Maybe she's pushed back and said she's not doing all the donkey work/sick days/homework /doctors appointments/job sacrifice while he gets all the fun time because his job is somehow a priority to hers. And so she's put forward a proposal where both weekdays and weekends are fairly shared.

That's the only way I can work out that someone is claiming they can have their children 3 nights a week, which is on paper, nearly 50/50, but can't inconvenience their work pattern for 5 days a month (that's what the 65 nights a year averages).

He is having them 3/7 days per week. Which is c156 days per year. The 65 days is what his ex is asking in addition to that and refers to the school holidays.

Op has stated he's asked for 3 days a week, his ex has offered 65+ days that she wants him to have them. Ops request 3 x 52 = 156, ex then has the remaining days of the year 352-156 = 196. What op appears to be unhappy with are the specific dates ex is offering, which would require him to take double the annual leave he has available. based on what he's posted he is NOT trying to duck out of his share of childcare, he's trying to make it fair and also be able to afford to live.

Those days of "primary" carer gets everything or the majority of everything are gone now.

The court expects both the parents to equally support the children and make their decisions accordingly.

Whether the parents abide by that or not is a different matter.

Good morning group, I owe you an apology in regards to number of days stated that I would need as annual leave.
I don't think it is quite as high as 65.

I re read the proposal last night and I'll try and outline exactly what is being asked of me here ok.
I hope this makes a bit more sense.

I would collect the children the evening before my two days off, and on the days off they would stay with me.

It is proposed that in addition to my two days off during the week that going forward I am to take every other weekend off (using annual leave).

During the school holiday period I am to continue with the above pattern, but also operate between us a week on, week off division of child care.

The number of days I'm guessing would fluctuate due to Inset days and any other 'ad-hoc' arrangements between us.

Why do you think that is unreasonable?

That arrangement is already organised around your work - your days off in the week.

Every other weekend is also not unreasonable. That’s standard. as would be half the holidays.

Even if it’s inconvenient to you.

What do you propose I do...

I have 30 days of annual leave per year.

Why is that your wife’s problem?

Do you see - you view it as her job to just sort out the children and you’ll just have them when it works for you.

That’s not taking equal responsibility for your children.

Take unpaid leave if you can.

Do you love your children on not?

Every other weekend and half the holidays is a perfectly usual arrangement. You do what other working parents do: find an appropriate job / use paid child care / share care with friends and family / use annual leave / swap shifts…

Essentially, you parent.

You failed to answer the question.

However you choose to answer the question, and whatever my reply may be, I fear we will go round in circles here.

I did answer the question:

You do what other working parents do: find an appropriate job / use paid child care / share care with friends and family / use annual leave / swap shifts…

Essentially, you parent.