Dreading not being with my child

[Clueless16]

Just going through the process of separation and still living together while we sell the house. My ex is asking for two/three nights per week custody of DD (6) which isn’t unreasonable but I can’t get my head around it at all. I have been her primary carer for 6 years..only recently spent the first nights apart from her when he took her away for Easter and am finding this all too much to try to bear.
Once we agreed on separation he completely changed his behaviour towards her and starting taking her out, taking care of her needs on a daily basis investing time in her and I know this is preparation for him having her and it is a positive thing for her but the resentment I feel at him not having done it before is making me find it very difficult to cope with.
I wonder if it will get easier or not. I have never felt this level of emotional pain before.

Tbh even the people in couples I know send the kids to the grandparents house overnight for sleep overs occasionally so they can get a break and do couples stuff not just being parents 24/7 without ever having a break, If you ever want a life to yourself again to date, meet friends, or just switch off from parenting then you will want a night off, when they are babies / toddlers I understand that will be hard but not at 6. Some couples even pay for babysitters for a night away occasionally, it’s healthy to build a life that doesn’t revolve around being with your kids 24/7 as someone who doesn’t have a choice trust me I would kill for a regular break.

I agree. I wish my dd’s father was close enough when she was little to have her EOW even if only every other week. The break would’ve been lovely - would free me up to do hobbies, hang out with friends and go on dates. She did visit him during the summer for a couple of months but I think I would’ve preferred the weekend breaks more. (And he could’ve still had her during the summer too I would’ve been just fine 😂)

@BiscoffSundae as I say there is a difference wanting a break for a couple of hours to not seeing your child regularly for days/night's.

I’m talking about over night. Grandparents have grand kids over night so couples can have a break. I would argue that single parents actually need a break more! Rather than moping about it see the positives.

Sunnytwobridges totally with you on that, my ex is absent so haven’t had a night off in 5 years, seems exes can’t win as I’ve seen posters complaining that there ex won’t have the kid over night or will only have them for a couple of hours here and there. I would like to date and meet someone new but no chance of that when I never get a night off.

@GarageGalore it's not about being divorced or together. I still think it's unhealthy to want to spend every living moment with your child.

Only on MN is it normal to still never have had a night apart from their child at age 6!

Even when I was with exh we would go away for weekends or even a week and the dcs would be at their grandparents

How will our children learn to be confident and self sufficient if we're with them every moment

It hasn't got easier over time for me and we divorced 5 years ago. I have the kids 4 days a week and he has them 3. My ex has just asked to take the kids away for 10 days in August and I have been filled with anxiety and panic since. Obviously I want my kids to have a good time, but I am dreading the thought of not seeing them for so long :(

@TomAllenWife you carry on telling yourself that not wanting to see your child everyday when very young is unhealthy (evidence please) and quit ignoring the reality that I have never said I am welded to my child ..they went to nursery and school and I even shock horror went out for evenings, but I feel as a caring parent of young children that for 99% of the time I would like see my young children everyday rather than go several days without seeing them, which is what happens in divorce (unless lone parent then it's all on you)