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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

What does Child Maintenance cover?

190 replies

thisistheSEA · 20/02/2022 10:42

I’m trying to find a list of what Child Maintenance is supposed to cover? Can’t find anything helpful online, just vague statements about food, housing and clothes.

I’d like to ask my ExH for additional money to cover:
school uniform
school dinners
school trips
private tuition (for GCSEs)
music lessons
new laptop
phone (there are two - one for school I currently pay for and he pays for her smartphone)
glasses (we usually top up the voucher amount) pocket money
gifts for friends birthdays
a contribution to holidays to see family (my family all live overseas).

Which of these would be reasonable to ask for - on top of the Child maintenance of £350 a month?

Thanks

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 20/02/2022 14:01

You are utterly taking the piss.

Why does she need two phones?

Asking him to pay towards you going to visit your family is an utter pisstake.

Lalala1 · 20/02/2022 14:09

At 15 a court order is really useless to be honest. They make their own minds up on contact at that age.
If it’s done through cms then the amount is what it is and will go up or down annually with his income, that’s just the way it is.

The (outside of cms expenses) views will always be different in these threads some see it as “ greedy ex wife’s” some see it as “ morally they should be halved separately”.

All you can do OP is ask him to contribute to things you have listed except the holiday part as that’s not reasonable and the gcse extra and music is a choice based expense that he may not agree to.
The only thing I still stand by is he should be providing clothes etc when she is in his care wether it’s only during holidays or not.

Minniem2020 · 20/02/2022 14:15

I'm sorry to sound so harsh op but you aren't living in the real world. I get £60 a month for 15 year old DD, this is after ex dropping it progressively for the last few years (the most I've had is £120 a month). There hasn't been any contribution over and above that for school trips/ uniform etc. And certainly not so I can take her on holiday which I think you're really cheeky suggesting

Nadjahomesoil · 20/02/2022 14:16

This is bonkers. Why would he pay for you to take her on holiday?!

milkysmum · 20/02/2022 14:33

I think if his salary is £30k then £350 a month sounds right. I don't think you can then be listing other things on top of this.
My ex husband earns quite a bit more, and pays quite a bit less.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 20/02/2022 14:44

You sound so entitled, your ex pays for his child and a decent amount. Why on earth would you ex pay for you to go on a holiday to see family? If he asks for it to be reviewed and his pays gone down, you may find yourself with much less. Stop being so greedy.

BiologicalRealist · 20/02/2022 14:55

As your DD is 15 OP what are you financial plans to support her when CMS stops in a few years?

Trolleedollee · 20/02/2022 15:02

You do realise that asking for one night in the week and every other weekend is totally normal OP don’t you and the starting point for most contact? I’m not reading anything here to paint him in a bad light. You have an ex on a fairly low salary paying a decent amount for a daughter who he seems happy to drive up and see whenever works for her and who he’s happy to add some additional costs too. Am struggling to what else you need apart from perhaps, getting yourself a higher paying job to cover all the extras you think you need

fortunenookie · 20/02/2022 15:11

@milkysmum

I think if his salary is £30k then £350 a month sounds right. I don't think you can then be listing other things on top of this. My ex husband earns quite a bit more, and pays quite a bit less.
It’s more than the cms calculator would say he has to pay with a one seventh reduction based on number of overnight per year

How many children do you have and what does ex pay? If he earns a lot more than £30 K I would suggest it’s either because he has almost shared care or he’s not being honest. Even for one child
Have you gone through the cms?

milkysmum · 20/02/2022 15:14

I don't go through CMS as ex is self employed and does not declare all earnings so no point 😡. We have 2 children and definitely not shared care, I have them 100% of time.

Original poster
thisistheSEA · 20/02/2022 15:25

@fortunenookie Yes the calculation was done by the CMS but he pays me by bank transfer. As I have already said - he earned more the year before but lost his work due to the pandemic.

OP posts:
Original poster
thisistheSEA · 20/02/2022 15:26

@fortunenookie One child

OP posts:
fortunenookie · 20/02/2022 15:46

@milkysmum

I don't go through CMS as ex is self employed and does not declare all earnings so no point 😡. We have 2 children and definitely not shared care, I have them 100% of time.
Ah that explains it then Another delightful man

Sorry I didn’t mean to upset you if I did

fortunenookie · 20/02/2022 15:48

[quote thisistheSEA]@fortunenookie One child[/quote]
Sorry that question was to milkysmum

If the calculation goes down perhaps he will continue to pay this money hope so
The cms seem to be some sort of absent fathers defence league rather than enforcing legal obligations to pay for their offspring
……

Crazycrazylady · 20/02/2022 16:01

Op
You seem a bit deluded to be honest. Surely your solicitor advised you that you were never going to get spousal maintenance and that your cms is a very good deal.? Your ex is under no obligation to give you any more money nor does it sound like he can afford to based on what he already pays you and the fact that you got most of the equity .
Going back to court will not end well for you financially and in three years time he will be totally free of any obligation .
So to answer your question you can ask all you want but he is unlikely to agree nor is he legally obligated to.

Fireflygal · 20/02/2022 16:21

Op, he can go back to CMS and ask for a new calculation based on his current earnings. Have you seen what the calculation should be?

He is on a low salary if he has to pay rent and other living expenses so I don't think you can ask for more...if you do, it risks going down substantially to the new assessment.

A clean break is hardly ever overturned. It would have to be exceptional circumstances, and only if he has hidden money previously.

It seems that you and your ex are both trying to make ends meet post divorce. It takes a while to adjust but you'll get there. Can you increase your earnings so that you are more self sufficient?

jimpamdwight · 20/02/2022 16:30

I get £400pm for two children, ex h is self employed and earns a lot more than the 400 pm would suggest, but like a previous poster said about their ex, he doesn't declare everything and has clever accountants.

cherryonthecakes · 20/02/2022 16:48

Having read the updates I'm really shocked at your delusion OP.

With regards to the diary app, I've only heard about these from the woman's POV (on here) and the women who suggest to their ex do so because their exes are abusive over text so these apps keep all conversations about the child. I'm guessing that you're calling up demanding money regularly?

If you had legal representation and still asked for spousal then you were very badly advised and yes, you should brace yourself for less maintenance once CMS has his current earnings.

Itsybitsydooda · 20/02/2022 18:51

Younhave nothing to lose making a UC claim. Im on 29k with no savings and I get UC. Its not masses but it does allow me some extra funding each month, a huge reduction in my childcare costs and when I move from the marital home to rented I will get help with that too. Always worth running your figures through the various entitlement calculators.

As others have said though, you cant realistically expect him to contribute towards holidays he isnt going on. My stbxh gave my kids some spending money for our holiday but thats all and I didnt expect anything (admittedly I paid for their day at the zoo with some of it as 2 little girls didnt need £200!).

Fuuuuuckit · 20/02/2022 19:24

@SleepingStandingUp

Tl:dr

After the divorce I got 70% of assets and now own a property outright. After tax, CB and CM i get £24k and he gets £18k and then pays rent on top. His contribution covers all her basic living costs plus money for school uniform, lunches etc.
AIBU to think he should give me more money because I'm angry with him.

Exactly.
SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2022 19:35

@thisistheSEA can you clarify why, when you seemingly pay zero for your childs basic upkeep Inc school uniform and meals, you think he should just hand over more money to you?

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2022 19:58

This is a treat. And a nice reminder that the crazy grabby ex isn’t a fiction. Maybe.

Unknown83 · 20/02/2022 20:12

This looks like another post where the OP and some clingers on feel entitled to judge their exes whilst utterly failing to take any financial responsibility for their families themselves. It reminds me of my STBXW who I already pay £700 a month in CM for having the children 8 days in 14 and who is also able to claim a further £196 a month in CB as the resident parent. She still demands more despite the plain and simple fact that I did the family budget for a decade and the children only cost half of that. There is plenty there for the extras like trips etc.

I've said that she can have more if she can prove that every penny of that £896 is spent on day to day living. Of course she can't, even if half of that is written off as covering their portion of the housing costs she still has money left over. She's just a grabby so and so who needs to get a job and take some responsibility.

Lalala1 · 20/02/2022 20:21

@Unknown83

This looks like another post where the OP and some clingers on feel entitled to judge their exes whilst utterly failing to take any financial responsibility for their families themselves. It reminds me of my STBXW who I already pay £700 a month in CM for having the children 8 days in 14 and who is also able to claim a further £196 a month in CB as the resident parent. She still demands more despite the plain and simple fact that I did the family budget for a decade and the children only cost half of that. There is plenty there for the extras like trips etc.

I've said that she can have more if she can prove that every penny of that £896 is spent on day to day living. Of course she can't, even if half of that is written off as covering their portion of the housing costs she still has money left over. She's just a grabby so and so who needs to get a job and take some responsibility.

Who knows if your ex is everything you say she is but…. if you have your children 8 days over 14(unless you only have them days and not nights) then it’s unlikely you would be paying cm and certainly not £700 a month Confused
Soontobe60 · 20/02/2022 20:38

[quote thisistheSEA]@arethereanyleftatall We’ve been divorced for nearly a year and mediation wasn’t at all good. Lots if arguing. He wouldn’t agree to paying £550 a month and he wanted to go through CMS. He took me to court, which was horrible. In the end I got 70% of everything (so I could buy a flat outright for me and my daughter) but he got a ‘clean break’ and a court order, which means that apparently I can’t expect any more money over the CM amount - hence this post. I’m trying to find out what CM includes. £350 a month just doesn’t cover all the lessons etc.[/quote]
As others have told you, his£350 is meant to cover his HALF of some of the things you’ve listed - you’re meant to cover the other half.
As you bought a flat outright I assume you don’t have a mortgage? Whilst he either can’t get one, or has to rent?
The money he gives you works out at £4200 a year, which reduces his salary to £25,800 and increases yours to £29200.
How old is your child?