What does Child Maintenance cover?

[thisistheSEA]

I’m trying to find a list of what Child Maintenance is supposed to cover? Can’t find anything helpful online, just vague statements about food, housing and clothes.

I’d like to ask my ExH for additional money to cover:
school uniform
school dinners
school trips
private tuition (for GCSEs)
music lessons
new laptop
phone (there are two - one for school I currently pay for and he pays for her smartphone)
glasses (we usually top up the voucher amount) pocket money
gifts for friends birthdays
a contribution to holidays to see family (my family all live overseas).

Which of these would be reasonable to ask for - on top of the Child maintenance of £350 a month?

Thanks

Well, it doesn’t cover much if you are planning to keep the previous standard of living but… there’s no winners in divorce, everyone, parents and children, need to adapt to the reduced disposable money that comes with splitting one household into two.

[quote thisistheSEA]@titchy I have never posted on here about spousal maintenance before!

Also the court order already says the CM figure (it doesn’t specify an amount but he makes the payment direct to me). He used to earn more before he lost his job during the pandemic. I think CMS use the previous years figures?
What I was getting at was that I don’t think I can return to court once a clean break had been decided, to get a figure agreed, rather than the CM calculation?[/quote]
Wow so there's two of you?!

No you can't go back to court for th order to be amended. You or he can alter thr cm component to the cms amount. which I hope he does

@Lalala1 He lives 80 miles away but comes to take her to her evening lessons a few times a month, but she doesn’t stay overnight. He often sees her just for the day on a Sunday and then for a few days or a whole week at half terms.

Because of music on Saturdays he never has her on a school day. So basically he doesn’t need school uniform at his. All her uniform stays at my house. I think he has some weekend clothes at his, but she takes most of them over when she visits. This is why I would like more money for clothes.

Why are just not listening?

You are not going to get more money unless he gets a higher earning job again. If he does, you will get a new CMS calculation and that's all. You wont get extra on top. You wont get spousal maintenance.

You are behaving terribly.

You really think he should pay half of your holiday cost? No. He will pay for his own holidays with her if he can afford it. You pay for yours if you can afford it.

You are getting child maintenance. You dont get anymore on top of that. You need to budget.

Tl:dr

After the divorce I got 70% of assets and now own a property outright. After tax, CB and CM i get £24k and he gets £18k and then pays rent on top. His contribution covers all her basic living costs plus money for school uniform, lunches etc.
AIBU to think he should give me more money because I'm angry with him.

You're not getting more money for clothes when she is barely every at his.

Child maintenance is calculated by using the time she spends at his. Because she doesnt spend many nights there, you will be getting child maintenance which takes that into account. So you are expected to buy her clothes.

If she started staying there every weekend, you would get less money because he would be expected to provide clothes at his. Right now, he is paying a higher rate because she doesnt stay there. So you use that extra to buy clothes.

You are totally wrong here. You need to stop because you are the definition of a nightmare, money grabbing ex-wife.

How much contact does he have and is it in a CAO?
I haven’t read the full thread so apologies for this has been covered but if the CMS have calculated £350 a month for one child with your average EOW discount he must be earning a lot more than £30k

Based on your update that you have close to 100% care I wouldn't expect anything other than CM and for him to provide for her when he does have her.

The child maintenance is supposed to cover everything. If your ex is happy and willing to contribute more to specific things then that is great but the reality is he doesn't have to and you gave no recourse to get more.

Legally CMS is for everything when he's not with her. However a lot of dads will pay half of school costs like uniform and shoes. My ex doesn't pay for uniform but he pays for our kids to have phone contracts and gives them pocket money. They receive a new phone every other birthday (24 month contract)

It is unreasonable to ask for a contribution for when you take her away and the music lessons seeing as he does not agree with it. He wouldn't be unreasonable to argue that her glasses should be from the free range. Gifts for friends are another thing that is unreasonable to ask him to pay for. If your dd buys his side of the family gifts then he should help there and organise the gifts.

I very rarely see a thread where every single person is in agreement that you are wrong. Maybe take something away from this?

You sound like the typical bitter, money grabbing ex wife. I actually feel sorry for him.

[quote thisistheSEA]@Lalala1 He lives 80 miles away but comes to take her to her evening lessons a few times a month, but she doesn’t stay overnight. He often sees her just for the day on a Sunday and then for a few days or a whole week at half terms.

Because of music on Saturdays he never has her on a school day. So basically he doesn’t need school uniform at his. All her uniform stays at my house. I think he has some weekend clothes at his, but she takes most of them over when she visits. This is why I would like more money for clothes.[/quote]
Your daughter costs, monthly, approx
Utilities £80
Food bill £70
School uniform £50
school dinners £65
Money towards glasses £10
Clothing allowance £40

£315. He pays ALL of that, plus her phone.

Extra costs like money for friends presents, pocket money etc can come from the approx £35 a month he gives you.

That means you are not providing financially for your child and he's covering it all.

That leaves you with around £1645 to cover half the utilities and food (£150?), so circa £1500 to cover the extra activities you want her to go to,
your own expenses (hair, clothes etc), your foreign holidays etc.

Why do you think you deserve more from him than she costs?

Jeez. My ex pays £300 for two kids and I wouldn't dream of asking him for any of those extras

Think you are being a bit OTT

In all fairness to the op @SleepingStandingUp . You're just making up the costs yourself. You don't know how much the ops utilities or food bills are.

@fortunenookie Well he also took me to court over family arrangements and lost! The court made no order at all, because DD is too old at 15. It was a total waste of time. He wanted a parenting plan which was selfish and inflexible (every other weekend and Weds eves) and this would have stopped her going to her music and GCSE lessons. He wanted me to use a stupid diary app.

I prefer a more flexible arrangement of her visiting him around her social life and other activities. Also he chose to move 80 miles away after the divorce, which is too much travel time at weekends. She gets tired. This is why he visits her on Sundays more often and only has her to stay in school holidays.

If the figure was calculated on a higher salary then you’re actually likely to see. Reassessment to reduce it not increase it

@Itsalmostanaccessory

You're not getting more money for clothes when she is barely every at his.

Child maintenance is calculated by using the time she spends at his. Because she doesnt spend many nights there, you will be getting child maintenance which takes that into account. So you are expected to buy her clothes.

If she started staying there every weekend, you would get less money because he would be expected to provide clothes at his. Right now, he is paying a higher rate because she doesnt stay there. So you use that extra to buy clothes.

You are totally wrong here. You need to stop because you are the definition of a nightmare, money grabbing ex-wife.

Op is expected to provide the clothes for her daughter in her care yes but she doesn’t need to send clothes with her daughter when she does have contact overnight that’s his responsibility on his time. So yeah your right he doesn’t need to give her more money for clothes but he needs to buy clothes for his house for when she goes to stay as the cm would be reduced for that time. Op what is the actually contact order?

If he was earning more last year I'd be expecting it to go down not up. The extras are nice but not essential.

This surely can’t be real??
You sound so self centred and greedy. He sounds like he ought to be paying you less, not more. And he deserves more time with his daughter. That’s more important than music lessons.

You're taking the piss massively here! I laughed out loud when I saw you tried to get spousal maintenance from someone on £30k a year, what the actual fuck.
I have 2 children and I doubt I spend anywhere near £500 on both of them every month. If DD is 15 does she even want to go to all these classes? By that age I'd stopped doing extra curricular activities and just wanted to be with my friends. You're only going to have another couple of years left of receiving maintenance so make the most of it!

[quote thisistheSEA]@fortunenookie Well he also took me to court over family arrangements and lost! The court made no order at all, because DD is too old at 15. It was a total waste of time. He wanted a parenting plan which was selfish and inflexible (every other weekend and Weds eves) and this would have stopped her going to her music and GCSE lessons. He wanted me to use a stupid diary app.

I prefer a more flexible arrangement of her visiting him around her social life and other activities. Also he chose to move 80 miles away after the divorce, which is too much travel time at weekends. She gets tired. This is why he visits her on Sundays more often and only has her to stay in school holidays.[/quote]
@Lalala1

[quote thisistheSEA]@fortunenookie Well he also took me to court over family arrangements and lost! The court made no order at all, because DD is too old at 15. It was a total waste of time. He wanted a parenting plan which was selfish and inflexible (every other weekend and Weds eves) and this would have stopped her going to her music and GCSE lessons. He wanted me to use a stupid diary app.

I prefer a more flexible arrangement of her visiting him around her social life and other activities. Also he chose to move 80 miles away after the divorce, which is too much travel time at weekends. She gets tired. This is why he visits her on Sundays more often and only has her to stay in school holidays.[/quote]
So there’s no court order?
How often does he have her overnight over the year ( school holidays, Christmas etc)?
Is the cm he pays through cms or does he just pay you it privately?
Where did the amount £350 come from?

@Lalala1 No court order was made after months of hideous court hearings.

He still expects to see her every other weekend but most weekends she’s too tired, revising or doing things with friends so he sees her in the day on a Sat or Sun. They go out shopping and lunch or coffee. He sometimes drives up to take her to lessons midweek after school. She’s been with him for all of half term and the week before Christmas. So it’s hard to work out precisely the number of nights. I think it’s probably about 1 a week (but not spread out if you see what I mean).

He pays me directly by bank transfer - CM write to us both with the figure. Like I said, he used to earn a lot more money, lost his job in the pandemic and so his income has gone down this year. So you are probably correct that the figure will reduce at the 12 month review.

He should pay half of everything bar music lessons and GCSE private tuition.

These are very expensive on a combined salary of £55k. Why does she need GCSE tuition?

Ultimately, essentials should be 50/50 and luxuries by negotiation. Of course, if your husband is against music lessons and your daughter is passionate, no reason why he shouldn’t have to explain to her why he does not want to contribute.

This has GOT to be a reverse. OP, if you are being genuine, your ex is only responsible for half of the costs for your child. I feel bad for him, sounds like all he wanted was to see more of her and you are being massively unreasonable and entitled.