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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband Maintenance

104 replies

Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:29

H, my husband of 24 years is wanting a seperation, we have no kids and no house. He works and pays for all bills, he has said he would pay for a periond time my rent etc, how long is realistic can i expect this

OP posts:
MatildaIThink · 23/12/2021 16:32

If it goes to court, not long, if at all. Best case scenario would likely be a year, but it will be down to him. Are there any assets to be split as there is no home? Why don't you work?

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:34

I had a breakdown a few years ago when I discovered he was seeing escorts. Not many assests, due to Bankruptcy in 2009, we both have a pension, his being worth more than mine

OP posts:
lonelySam · 23/12/2021 16:41

Breakdown was few years ago but how are you doing now? Would you be able to work?

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:43

Breakdown was 2017, I have no qualifications, in the past have worked in a warehouse, we are continually discussing the past as I want to know why, but I can't get a straight answers from him and he is saying we need time apart

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 23/12/2021 16:45

It depends on what you agree with your ex really? Would he agree to 12 months? To get you established?

How much bigger is his pension than yours?

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:49

I can 12 months, would it be a legal agreement? Not sure how much biggger, would guess at double

OP posts:
MatildaIThink · 23/12/2021 16:49

@Jeny123456789

Breakdown was 2017, I have no qualifications, in the past have worked in a warehouse, we are continually discussing the past as I want to know why, but I can't get a straight answers from him and he is saying we need time apart
There is no point in bringing up the past again and again, it will not improve things. People make mistakes, cheating is a huge one and one most people find unforgivable, but your choice is to accept it happened and drop it if you want to stay with him, or end the relationship if you don't.

I think you need to find a job, you also need to look at potential adult training options. It is up to you if you are going to choose to stay with him, but it sounds like you are only staying with him because he pays the bills, not because you genuinely want to be there.

FutureExH · 23/12/2021 16:49

Depends what he's earning and how old you both are. He'll only be expected to support you if he can afford to and if you need it. Also, remember if you need universal credit because you are not working, this is lost £ for £ from any maintenance so for it to be worthwhile he has to be able to pay you not only what you can receive in UC but also the amount you need over that. If you're not working and he's not earning at least £90k I doubt any court would order him to "bridge the gap."

MatildaIThink · 23/12/2021 16:51

@Jeny123456789

I can 12 months, would it be a legal agreement? Not sure how much biggger, would guess at double
Pensions would probably be split equally (ish) on divorce, as would assets. The agreement could be legal, as part of thr divorce, or it could be separate, it could be handled by an unequal distribution of any assets.

The courts are very unlikely to mandate anything though, it would be with his agreement, not because you are entitled to spousal support.

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:52

I am 57, he is 51, he is £46k

OP posts:
Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:56

I just want to know why he went with escorts, he just says for the thrill of it, we have been living in seperate rooms for the last year now

OP posts:
Strictly1 · 23/12/2021 17:00

I think you need focus on your future now not the past. Any answer he gives won't really help you. Good luck; I hope it all works out.

thingymaboob · 23/12/2021 17:01

@Jeny123456789

I just want to know why he went with escorts, he just says for the thrill of it, we have been living in seperate rooms for the last year now
So he's told you why he's gone with escorts - he's told you it was for the thrill of it. Is this explanation not acceptable to you for some reason? Why are you going over the past with him? I think that's a reasonable explanation of why someone does something like that. Anyway, why does it matter now? He's a dirty dog and you're better off out and things seem to be moving on. You might not have any qualifications but you must have experience in something and there are loads of jobs going in hospitality (to give one example), I'm sure you can get a job.
readingismycardio · 23/12/2021 17:07

Hi, OP,

I am so sorry you're going through this. I'd honestly try to keep it out of court, and 'negotiate' with him maybe 12 months? But you need to find a job, any job, really and build your way up until retirement.

CorrBlimeyGG · 23/12/2021 17:13

A court is unlikely to award you spousal maintenance as your husband is not a very high earner. You may be able to argue that you are a dependant due to disability, but that would be a significant stretch on what you've told us.

I'd try to find work now, the longer you leave it the more precarious your situation will be.

FutureExH · 23/12/2021 17:16

@Jeny123456789

I am 57, he is 51, he is £46k
You won't get spousal maintenance if he's only on £46k. You're 10 years away from retirement age with no children so - unless you can prove your health prevents you from working - your earning capacity will be at least minimum wage at 40 hours a week (a full time working week). That will be around £18k a year from next tax year, or just over £16k net. You'll also be entitled to around £3.5k in universal credit on that income with no children.

He'll take home about £35k after tax, about £15.5k more than you. In theory a court could order him to pay half of that to you and in total it would make you about £4k a year better off after losing your universal credit but:

  1. It will cost a lot to get such a settlement in court if he refuses to provide long term;

  2. It will stop when he retires so at most it's going to be £64k spread over 16 years assuming he keeps his job. You'll probably spend about half of that pursuing a claim in court;

  3. A court might well consider that as your earning capacity plus universal credit amounts to 56% of what the joint budget was when you are married, your needs have already been met.

Obviously, if you cannot work, things will be different but not necessarily in a good way for you. You would be eligible for more like £12k in universal credit. The first £12k your STBXH paid you would make no difference to you at all. With no children, I very much doubt a court would order him to pay more than a third of his income in spousal maintenance let alone closer to half to be worthwhile so it probably wouldn't be awarded.

FutureExH · 23/12/2021 17:23

@Jeny123456789

I just want to know why he went with escorts, he just says for the thrill of it, we have been living in seperate rooms for the last year now
I suspect he went with escorts because he wanted a quick thrill with no comeback. Women like this (people like my STBXW) don't tend to use escorts but only because they find it a lot easier to pick up men for free on sites like AdultFriendFinder.

They basically want a quick thrill without any emotional attachment. On the one hand, it's actually better than a full blown affair because there doesn't tend to be any emotional cheating going on. They have no feelings for the person they're screwing. On the other hand, it's worse because as it's so easy they'll just keep doing it whilst telling themselves it's okay because it's not long term and doesn't mean anything.

user15364596354862 · 23/12/2021 17:28

@Jeny123456789

I just want to know why he went with escorts, he just says for the thrill of it, we have been living in seperate rooms for the last year now
Is there any answer he could give that you would accept and that would make you feel ok about it? I can't imagine there is?
AnotherDelphinium · 23/12/2021 17:35

If it happened four years ago, you’re in separate rooms, and still going over old ground, I can’t honestly see there’s much of a relationship left.

I’d find out the costs of renting somewhere that’s covered by housing benefit, ask him for that and twelve months rent as a lump sum, sign on for UC and see what the job centre can also offer training-wise. As you mentioned bankruptcy, you might want to look at some financial management options, just to keep on the straight and narrow as you’ll have very little disposable income initially.

You’re very unlikely to get any maintenance from a court on his salary, and there is little in the way off assets, and pension sharing can be dealt with along the way.

I know the unknown can seem scary, but it’s probably the best and happiest option for both of you, as it really doesn’t sound like the marriage has anything left in it at all, sorry Flowers

Frankola · 23/12/2021 18:04

So sorry OP Flowers

This has been going on now for 4 years, to the point you live separately in the same house. You have asked him why and he has told you. I understand the reason might not be acceptable to you but if that's the reason that's the reason.

You just keep going round and round in hell with this person. There doesn't seem like any relationship left. I think you should cut your losses and leave. He has damaged your life enough.

If you are signed off from work by a doctor he will have to help until you get yourself sorted and can work again. But if you don't work and don't have a "proper" reason the court will expect you to get a job and they won't make him provide for you for very long at all.

Good luck OP. You can get through this

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 18:13

Thanks for all your advice. No am not signed off by a doctor just my choice to not work

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 23/12/2021 18:16

Why don't you work or build a career you don't have any dependants which would have affected your ability to earn so it would be highly unlikely to awarded maintenance you need to support yourself.

notapizzaeater · 23/12/2021 18:16

You'd be expected to find work. Spousal maintenance is hard to get and not normally given for 'choice'. You need a full valuation of h Bob your pensions. Have you any equity in the house ?

Graffittiunderpass · 23/12/2021 18:33

Op, do you think your choice not to work has played a part in his desire for a separation?

CrimbleCrumble1 · 23/12/2021 19:12

Do you own a property?

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