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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband Maintenance

104 replies

Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:29

H, my husband of 24 years is wanting a seperation, we have no kids and no house. He works and pays for all bills, he has said he would pay for a periond time my rent etc, how long is realistic can i expect this

OP posts:
NeedsCharging · 28/12/2021 10:52

Mumm

MN is a huge site with many topics which are not related to being a parent...gardening, legal, employment, MH, pets, TV to name a few. Many not parents end up here because of those topics and stick around.
The OP has posted in Divorce/separation nowhere does it say you must be a parent to post.

JSL52 · 28/12/2021 11:34

@Mummabearmilf

CAN i please ask why someone who is not a mum a member of mumsnet?
What a strange thing to say. I'm a parent, my child is an adult. Is it ok if I post ? There are other things in life except children.
lonelySam · 28/12/2021 12:58

You had a breakdown due to your husband. Ok. Then you gave up work. Why did you not return to employment? Did you get any help for you MH following the breakdown? Did you discuss with your DH giving up work? Has neither of you said anything about you not working in the last 4 four years?
I just don't understand why you don't want to work?

NowEvenBetter · 28/12/2021 14:09

OP, you don’t seem to be comprehending-you need to get a job. No, your husband has no responsibility to keep funding you. Yes, he’s a dirty loser who pays to use women’s bodies, but that doesn’t mean he must fund you.

Gain employment and start looking for somewhere to live.

Graffittiunderpass · 28/12/2021 15:24

You'll have to go back to work OP. You do see that surely?

I get that you don't want to, but you have no choice unless you have parents willing to house and feed you.

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 04/01/2022 12:31

He has moved out between xmas and new year, he is rentig a room and still paying for the house, has not sent me any extra money

OP posts:
NeedsCharging · 04/01/2022 13:09

Have you thought anymore about looking for work?
He is under no obligation to pay for your cost of living so you need to start putting things in motion.
Are you claiming benefits?

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 04/01/2022 13:19

Just a bit shocked he as moved out tbh, not claimng any benefits

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 04/01/2022 13:21

He can't be expected to financially support you, even look for a part
time job and it can be topped up by UC, plus it's better to get out than sit in the house every day.
Make a new life for you, look forward not back.

NeedsCharging · 04/01/2022 13:24

He did repeatedly tell you the marriage was over but I do understand how shocking the reality is.

You need to make a UC claim right now. There is no point in waiting around. You have zero income.

Starlightstarbright1 · 04/01/2022 13:24

Op.. you need to apply for uc today and need to get your head around you need to be looking for work.

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 04/01/2022 13:27

He has hurt me so much (not physically), I thought we would be together forever, he is going to be so much better off than me

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 04/01/2022 13:29

He's going to be better off because he works!!
You need to get pro active and get yourself organised.
Too many stories on MN of women reliant on men then it goes pear shaped.

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 04/01/2022 13:30

I have no chance of getting other than mimimum wage

OP posts:
redastherose · 04/01/2022 13:31

You need to move on with your life. Apply for universal credit and start looking for work asap. You need to really get on with this because it won't be backdated. Apply for a job, any job to get you started working. There are currently lots of temporary appointments due to people being off sick so you could put yourself on the books for some temping agencies which would give you some current experience.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/01/2022 13:32

You said you stopped working when you had your breakdown 'because of him', so you do have a work history, no? What work did you do before the breakdown?

NeedsCharging · 04/01/2022 13:33

I have no chance of getting other than mimimum wage

You dont know until you try.

Look OP you ate of course allowed a pity party but that will not put food on your table ir keep a roof over your head.
As difficult as life seems right now it will get a whole lot harder if you are homeless and hungry.

Is there any reason you cannot apply for UC today?

M4857493 · 04/01/2022 13:34

Good grief OP you need to pull yourself together. You are lazy and defeatist, I'm not going to dance around it. If you "broke down" as a result of your husband's infidelity you leave, you don't put yourself in the position where you're MORE reliant on him, it sounds like you've punished him for his disloyalty by jacking in your job and making him responsible for you and now it's back fired.

It's tough that you can only earn minimum wage, but youre 57, you've had plenty of time to get qualifications etc. You need to take responsibility and look after yourself, you're a grown a woman.

user1471504747 · 04/01/2022 13:51

Honestly OP you sound done in and I don’t blame you Flowers

I think you need to go into survival mode. Make a list of things to do, and no matter how little you want to do them or how unmotivated you are you just need to force yourself to do them.

First thing is apply for universal credit
After that treat applying for jobs as a full time job
Start packing up any of his possessions in the house.

Do you have any friends or family you can reach out to for support?

I get the impression your mental health is (understandably) quite bad at the moment, talk to a GP about anti depressants.

Look at getting a job as not just a necessity for money but also a fresh start, a way to get out the house and meet people.

Can you volunteer for a day or even just an afternoon a week? This will help ease you into work, get you to meet more people, and also give you something relevant and recent for your job applications.

Once everything’s sorted and you’re free of the bastard you’ll be so much happier, try to think of it as short term pain for long term gain.

Elieza · 04/01/2022 14:04

You need to apply for benefits right now as you have no income and therefore no money for food and bills.

If the property you are currently in is larger than you require you will need to get a smaller property in order to save money. A larger house costs more to heat, more in council tax etc.

I would approach your local housing association and tell them what’s happened.

You will need to get a job as soon as possible. And yes it’s likely it will only pay minimum wage but that’s the way it goes. Your wages will go up over time. Especially if you move up the career ladder. It’s never too late. You can start off packing in a factory and become a team leader and then a section leader and before you know it you are earning half decent money and with transferable skills you can move into another work area if you choose to.

People work til they are in their 70s nowadays to pay the bills. There is no easy life. He had what he had because he worked.

There’s no point in hoping things will change or begging him to return. He’s made it quite clear it’s over.

So now you have to find your inner strength and make a life for yourself.

It seems daunting but you are stronger than you think and you can do this.

OnaBegonia · 04/01/2022 15:15

Minimum wage can be topped up by UC, you've had four years of being supported. To give up work because of his cheating is really self indulgent then to expect him to support you, is rather controlling and manipulative, if this was a man posting this he would have his arse handed to him.
My wife cheated so I gave up work and now she's left me I expect money off her and don't want to work, imagine the response!!

drpet49 · 04/01/2022 17:32

** OP, you don’t seem to be comprehending-you need to get a job. No, your husband has no responsibility to keep funding you. Yes, he’s a dirty loser who pays to use women’s bodies, but that doesn’t mean he must fund you.

Gain employment and start looking for somewhere to live.**

^This

JSL52 · 04/01/2022 17:37

@Jeny123456789

I have no chance of getting other than mimimum wage
Get a job asap you can claim universal credit to top up sometimes. You will have to move somewhere smaller.
Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 05/01/2022 08:29

Maybe I should just change and have him back, I know he will want sex and would have to accept he has been elsewhere

OP posts:
NeedsCharging · 05/01/2022 08:37

Maybe I should just change and have him back

In the kindest way possible OP....he left you. He clearly doesn't want to be with you and you cannot force him to be. He has a new home and I would imagine is starting a life without you in it.
You need to do the same and start your life without him.

I find it difficult to understand why you haven't even acknowledged any of the advice posters have provided!?
Why are you avoiding making a claim for benefits? What are you expecting to live off?