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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Husband Maintenance

104 replies

Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:29

H, my husband of 24 years is wanting a seperation, we have no kids and no house. He works and pays for all bills, he has said he would pay for a periond time my rent etc, how long is realistic can i expect this

OP posts:

Original poster

Jeny123456789 · 05/01/2022 08:56

I really don't waant to be in benefits, especially at 57

OP posts:

NeedsCharging · 05/01/2022 09:08

So you don't want to claim benefits and you don't want to work?

How do you expect to feed and house yourself OP?

OnaBegonia · 05/01/2022 09:23

@NeedsCharging
I think OP expects her DH to continue to support her even now they are separated.
It seems to be her way of punishing and controlling him, I've lost any sympathy now and can see why he's left.

NeedsCharging · 05/01/2022 09:33

Ona I am just not sure what the OP wants/needs from this thread.

I dont think posters can support the OP any further really.
OP please speak to your GP regarding your MH and if you can seek support in real life from family/friends.

TedMullins · 05/01/2022 11:42

OP you need to take some responsibility for yourself. This man has treated you like crap by the sounds of it, and you’re feeling low and lacking confidence but going back to him for more lies and cheating is a terrible idea. As much as he might be a shit, he is entitled to leave the relationship and not want anything more to do with you. It is not his responsibility to pay for you. If you can only earn minimum wage then look for minimum wage jobs. Go to the job centre and speak to someone for advice on what you could apply for. Sign up for Jobseeker’s Allowance. You can’t just decide you don’t want to work and won’t claim benefits and expect someone else to pick up the slack.

NeedsCharging · 05/01/2022 11:45

OP can't claim Jobseekers Ted as she hasn't worked for 4 years. Only benefit support is UC.

Elieza · 05/01/2022 12:26

Nobody wants to be on benefits. But sometimes for short periods we need to be. So you don’t need to feel bad.

Now you’ve read our suggestions have you a plan for what you are going to do, as you will need to do something as he will likely not help you any further.

Do you have family or friends you can talk to?

Original poster

Jeny123456789 · 05/01/2022 12:37

He did say he would pay my rent for a year, but not sure if rent for the room or rent for the whole house I am currently in

OP posts:

unicornsarereal72 · 05/01/2022 12:50

You need to take control of this situation. Unfortunately ex's tell lies. Mine promised he would support the children and consequently me. It didn't happen and I had over three years of excuses.

You need to be independent. Can you afford to remain in the house. You will be eligible for over 55 accommodation. This will be more affordable.

Claim benefit for the interim and talk to the job centre about returning to work. No one else is going to support you for the next ten years. And do you have adequate pension contributions for your state pension.

Get back to work. It will give you a structure routine and purpose.

Speak to your gp about support.

I don't particularly want to work for a living. But I do want a roof over my head and food in the cupboard. And to give my children a quality of life they deserve.

You have had 4 years of wallowing. Make today the first day of your fresh start.

Elieza · 05/01/2022 12:56

Even if he did pay your rent for a year, how will you pay for food and heating etc if you have no income?

You need to take action now unfortunately and not hope that things will change. That looks unlikely.

Original poster

Jeny123456789 · 05/01/2022 12:57

Sorry he said he would pay for rent, heat, council tax etc and possibly a small amount of money for food.

OP posts:

TueWed · 05/01/2022 13:01

@Jeny123456789

Thanks for all your advice. No am not signed off by a doctor just my choice to not work

So what can you do? (Workwise) What is your plan to support yourself?

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 05/01/2022 13:01

Yeah, well. You can believe that when you see it. People splitting up make a lot of promises about ongoing financial support they don't keep.

You have to get a job.

NeedsCharging · 05/01/2022 13:02

Sorry he said he would pay for rent, heat, council tax etc and possibly a small amount of money for food

Just because he said it doesn't mean he will...and he had as you say he's only paid rent.

Your responses are just odd. You don't answer any of the reasonable questions and just keep talking about him paying!

Original poster

Jeny123456789 · 05/01/2022 13:04

he has paid all this month

OP posts:

millymolls · 05/01/2022 13:04

Get a job
It’s as simple as that

Original poster

Jeny123456789 · 05/01/2022 13:06

I suppose I need to decide to stay in the house or go to family whom is further away and get a job

OP posts:

OnaBegonia · 05/01/2022 13:11

Why go to family? Stop hanging onto other people for help.
You're a grown adult who is sitting watching life go by and waiting in a man who has LEFT you to support
you.
You've had plenty of advice here but seem to be living in cloud cuckoo land.
Start applying for UC and jobs and housing today!

NeedsCharging · 05/01/2022 13:11

As my gran used to say "shit or get off the pot" OP.

You can't spend your days procrastinating on here hoping your ex will continue to fund your lifestyle.

You need to start looking after yourself. If you have family that will let you stay and support you then go stay with them. Just don't expect them to pick up where DH left off and basically fund you like he has.

TheCatShatInTheHat · 05/01/2022 13:12

OP, I mean this kindly. Its time for you to get a grip on reality for your own sake. Start looking for a job, if you think you are still too unwell to work then claim benefits today.

I suspect working, getting out of the house and mixing with other people would do you the world of good.

Onlyrainbows · 05/01/2022 13:24

I'll just echo what everybody else has said, get a job and sign up for UC. I don't think anybody willingly wants to be on benefits but life happens and sometimes there's no other choice. In fact it's something to be grateful for.

Elieza · 05/01/2022 13:40

It’s not a choice of
staying in the house he’s paying for (in the hope he gives you money for food)
Or
Moving in with family and getting a job there.

It’s
You need to get a job wherever you are as life is hard and he won’t pay for ever. Especially if he starts going out or hobbies etc as he will need his money for that.

And yes you do need to decide where you want to stay as getting a job in the local area is sensible and therefore a short commute to your workplace.

Does either area have a reputation for being able to get minimum wage jobs?

Have you looked at the jobs available in the job centre online as that will be a good starting point? (Someone will know what website to look, sorry I don’t know as I used to go in person).

What would you like to do? What skills do you have? Would you be prepared to go to college to get a qualification? Would you work from home or as a cleaner, childminder etc in others homes.

I’m asking because if you are good at looking after children then you could get qualified in that fairly quickly and easily I think. And register with ofsted.

There’s always a demand for cleaners and usually cafe/bar staff etc. too although I’m not sure how it works re covid in your area if they are open or not.

What are your thoughts?

TeeBee · 05/01/2022 14:12

@Jeny123456789

I really don't waant to be in benefits, especially at 57

Then get off your arse and get a job. Its not your DH's responsibility to fund you your entire life. To be honest, he's offering you a very good deal, I would accept graciously and then make steps to get a job and support yourself. I can't believe you haven't done this before the age of 57! I would laugh in my children's faces if they ever had your attitude. Want a nice life but don't want to do anything to achieve it? Tough; life doesn't work like that.

TeeBee · 05/01/2022 14:17

My cleaner earns £15/hour and runs her own home with two teenage daughters to look after. She works hard and has a nice, decent life. Do you know how to clean? Is that an option?

AcrossthePond55 · 05/01/2022 16:47

OP, you can want whatever you want. But as my late MiL said "Want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one gets filled first". The fact remains that your STBX will in all likelihood NOT have to pay you maintenance or if he does it will be for a limited time.

So your choices are job, benefits, or starve. I'd choose 'job' any day of the week.

If you have to move near family, so be it. I think I'd rather be near family if my husband were to leave me anyway.

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