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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband Maintenance

104 replies

Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 16:29

H, my husband of 24 years is wanting a seperation, we have no kids and no house. He works and pays for all bills, he has said he would pay for a periond time my rent etc, how long is realistic can i expect this

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 23/12/2021 20:19

If he's on £46k you've no chance of spousal support - unless he agrees of course.

You've got 10 years of work left in you - may I suggest a career in care where most people will be given a chance even if they have no experience as long as they have a clean record.

treesandweeds · 23/12/2021 20:24

How do you support yourself if you don't work?

FutureExH · 23/12/2021 20:32

@AnotherDelphinium

If it happened four years ago, you’re in separate rooms, and still going over old ground, I can’t honestly see there’s much of a relationship left.

I’d find out the costs of renting somewhere that’s covered by housing benefit, ask him for that and twelve months rent as a lump sum, sign on for UC and see what the job centre can also offer training-wise. As you mentioned bankruptcy, you might want to look at some financial management options, just to keep on the straight and narrow as you’ll have very little disposable income initially.

You’re very unlikely to get any maintenance from a court on his salary, and there is little in the way off assets, and pension sharing can be dealt with along the way.

I know the unknown can seem scary, but it’s probably the best and happiest option for both of you, as it really doesn’t sound like the marriage has anything left in it at all, sorry Flowers

Problem with that is having a lump sum will affect eligibility for universal credit.

Another option might be to get a lump sum to immediately save in a pension I guess? OP would only be 8-10 years from accessing that and might help a little?

FutureExH · 23/12/2021 20:34

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

If he's on £46k you've no chance of spousal support - unless he agrees of course.

You've got 10 years of work left in you - may I suggest a career in care where most people will be given a chance even if they have no experience as long as they have a clean record.

I'm not sure a court would consider it a fair outcome or a realistic prospect for a 57 year old woman to begin a career in a physically demanding role like social care to be honest.

The courts expect people to work to maximise their earning potential but they do have limits. E.g. if you're a senior partner in an accounting firm earning £250k, they won't expect your stay at home spouse to clean toilets for a living.

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 23/12/2021 22:37

As said in rented house as we lost our house. He currently does give me £500 a month

OP posts:
LemonTT · 26/12/2021 09:02

By the sounds of it your husband is going to leave you. He will give notice on the rented property and set up on his own. At present he is offering you a life line to get yourself settled. There is nothing you can do to stop him leaving you if he has decided that. This will leave you homeless and unemployed.

Unless you peruse legal action, divorce or a separation agreement, he won’t have to give you anything. His current offer is a good one.

The outcome of any legal action is hugely uncertain based on your posts. There are no assets, no children, no career sacrifice and no illness stopping you working. Even at 57 the probable outcome is that unless you are unfit for work you will be expected to return to a job similar to before. Without income you will struggle to find a home and may end up in temporary accommodation.

I urge you to get support from friends family or support agencies to help you deal with this situation. You need to secure an income and an affordable home. That is your priority.

unicornsarereal72 · 26/12/2021 12:07

At 57 you can approach the local housing office and ask them about over 55 accommodation. I would explore this route as away of accessing affordable housing.

As others have said you need to return to work. Or apply for benefits if you are unable to work.

He can't answer your questions because there are no reasonable answers. He did these things because he can. It is time for you to make your peace with this. Seek support from your GP and seek out some counselling. There are low cost options available if you have a look

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 26/12/2021 12:35

Suppose my debate is to accept and stay with him if he will have me

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 26/12/2021 13:58

You don't need to stay - you would initially be able to claim benefits (but would be expected to find work long term)

lonelySam · 26/12/2021 20:21

But your first post is.saying he's the one who wants separation so I cannot see how you would be able to stay with him? As previous posters said, you need to secure accommodation and an income. Has he been financing you for the last five years? He might not want to do that anymore.

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 26/12/2021 22:47

But I could not move out so he would have to find somewhere else to live

OP posts:
TedMullins · 26/12/2021 22:54

This sounds like a complete mess. You found out he was using escorts 4 years ago - the time to leave would’ve been then. Instead you quit working and have been financed by him since but keep going over the past, and now you’re saying you want to stay ‘if he’ll have you’? Why are you so passive? Where’s your drive and desire to do better for yourself?

I imagine your mental health would be much better if you were to split with this cheating twat. You’re in charge of your own life and well-being. Get a job, get your own rental place even if it’s a small flat, and build a life that’s enjoyable for yourself. Most women at 57 will be working. It’s a dangerous game relying so heavily on someone else.

Blossom64265 · 26/12/2021 23:04

You need to go meet with a solicitor and get a realistic assessment of your personal financial outlook. Do it quietly. Pay for it out of household funds, but find a way to mask it.

Graffittiunderpass · 26/12/2021 23:32

Are you only staying with him to avoid getting a job?

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 27/12/2021 17:52

He said today he going to move out. Presume when he does I can contact re Universal Credit

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 27/12/2021 23:19

If you are living separately in the same house now you can claim straight away. It takes a while to come through so I'd be getting the claim rolling now. You can do it online.

unicornsarereal72 · 28/12/2021 04:43

I would take a look at the turn2us or entitled2 sites. They will give you an idea of what you would be entitled too on their benefit calculator. Get the claim staRted. There will be a 5 week period before you get a payment. You will be assigned a work coach who will be encouraging back into employment.

Mummabearmilf · 28/12/2021 05:08

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DropYourSword · 28/12/2021 05:24

@Mummabearmilf

Hold on! You have no kids? Therefore no ties to this man other then your years of loyalty to him and he wants to separate?
Why is that so surprising @Mummabearmilf. People without children are allowed to separate too!
Greensmoothie1 · 28/12/2021 06:02

You don’t need qualifications to work in retail, hospitality, warehouse etc. If you want to claim UC then ask your work coach to help you write a cv and cover letter so you can apply for jobs.

You said you had a breakdown 4 years ago because your ex cheated on you. Why did you give up work completely? Did you stay with ex because you didn’t want to work?

Original poster
Jeny123456789 · 28/12/2021 09:00

I gave up work due to my breakdown due to my husband

OP posts:
NeedsCharging · 28/12/2021 09:13

Are you receiving any MH support OP?

It sounds like your H has decided the relationship is over and the agreement he has offered regarding financial support is likely to be out of guilt.
Do you have family/friends you can talk to as you need to seriously think about your future housing, health and finances.
Things you need to think about:
UC is of course an option but think about how much that will be. If you are in a house that is more than 1 bedroom UC will not cover your full rent. You will be classed as under occupied so deducted 14% for 1 extra room and 25% for 2. Can you make up that shortfall? UC will only pay rent up to the amount paid by the LA too so again any shortfall will need to be paid by you. Is downsizing an option?

If you are too ill to work you will need to submit sick notes to UC and complete a UC50 form this may help you get an extra payment (disability premium) also think about applying for PIP.

Mummabearmilf · 28/12/2021 10:21

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Mummabearmilf · 28/12/2021 10:43

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SuperLoudPoppingAction · 28/12/2021 10:48

Loads of MN members don't have children. It isn't strange at all. And is a weird thing to focus on, given the thread topic.