Does this sound right - financially?

[Magictoothfairy]

I earn approx £1250 a month.
The houses im looking at are about £1k rent a month. I’ve two dc, 12 and 5 and I’ve used the universal credit calculator. I’ve no savings and no other income sources. It says £316 a week - total. Does this seem about right? Approx £2.5k a month with what I earn and UC, rent will take £1k, bills, food, council tax another £1k ish? Leaving me with £500. Out of which will come approx £200 on childcare actually. Hadn’t thought of that. £300 a month spare then, after this.
I’m anticipating DH having the dc 50% of the time so I won’t get any child maintenance. I’m hoping on the above it’ll just about be manageable because I will have to buy all the dc’s clothes and fund any hobbies or costs like glasses and school holiday childcare etc from my money. It’s unlikely DH will contribute anything. DH earns over £150k but from what I’ve heard I don’t think he will need to pay me anything as the courts favour a clean break.

UC pay 85% of childcare costs you have to submit a claim every month with the invoice and prof of payment and you are paid it the following month, apart from the first month when you won’t get anything it will help significantly with your budget.

Oh ok. Thanks. That is helpful.
£500 a month spare is tight but manageable. I mean I won’t be taking them on holiday anywhere, unlike DH who can take them wherever, but it’s my own fault for giving up my career!

So you earn £15k and he earns £150k presumably because you're the primary carer for the children. He might want 50:50 to mess with you but most dazzling careers like that are not compatible with 50:50 childcare. But I realise you need to calculate whether you can survive on the funds available initially. A clean break relates to division of assets - House, pension, savings, debts etc but child maintenance is outside that calculation. I found Wikivorce and the .gov.uk website very informative. Good luck

He will have to pay for the children's upkeep. There are CMS calculators available on .gov.uk too

Please do not think that with a 50/50 you won’t get child maintenance. It does happen!
How are you calculating childcare costs- you would only need to cover on your days not his.
You also shouldn’t be covering all clothes etc. That needs to be joint
Do you have a lawyer? In my experience they give much better advice than mumsnet...

He will want 50/50 despite having very little involvement with the children so far. I would ideally like them more often but I have to accept that they may end up with him half of the time.
Ideally I want nothing from him at all financially but that may not be possible.

He won’t pay for their clothes etc because he doesn’t now - I pay for them from my wages. But I’m not currently covering rent etc so I can afford to.

if your DH earns over £150k surely you have family assets that will be divided on your divorce?
Don't let him walk all over you, it doesn't matter that you took a career break and he is a high earner - all assets should be in the pot including his pension which could be worth a lot more than your house - and the starting point is 50/50 on a long marraige.
Good luck with everything, it'll all be worth it in the end.

It doesn’t matter what you pay now it’s about setting boundaries in writing and holding him to it.
We have my DSC 50/50 and it works for us and is hugely beneficial to the kids. But they coparent, comms are constant we have a nanny that moves between houses etc to make it work. He needs to be ready for that.
If the kids are sick on his days, he’ll need to take the day off work etc.
Make it clear that 50/50 doesn’t meant you caring the brunt. It really is co-parenting or it won’t work (in my experience)
Not quite what you’re asking so sorry for the unsolicited advice!

sorry, cross post.
Why don't you want anything from him financially? Get what you are entitled to legally.

The house is mortgage free and worth approx £280k and I don’t know what DH has in savings etc, nothing is in my name. I’ve used any savings I had during my marriage. I think he has approx £60k in premium bonds and more in savings plus his pension.
However my mindset is I don’t really want any of it because I didn’t earn it and he won’t want the divorce, it’ll be me instigating it. Therefore I don’t feel it is fair to lay claim on anything that isn’t mine. That said, I don’t want to be worrying about clothing and feeding the dc. It’s tricky.

You need a solicitor. But really read up and get up to speed with your rights before you see one as they bill by the hour. Many will take their payment from the financial settlement or in installments. You and your DC really cannot afford to be proud and independent. You have many rights if married.

Op you need legal advice. What assets do you have?

My ex earns a fraction of your DH, I got a pension share and a significant percentage of the equity. Out split was 25/75 split of assets in my favour.

Please seek proper advice, once you get a clean break you can't go back for more.

I have no assets in my name but we are married.
It just seems unfair to say I want a divorce - which he won’t want - oh and I want your money too.

And so what if nothing is in your name. Marriage contracts are about property and money - love is secondary. He has managed to convince you that it's all his because he 'earned it' but he's wrong. Do it for your kids.

You’re mad.

He earned it whilst you were at home raising his kids.

Just seen your update.

You used your savings in the marriage due to his lack of financial support.

I'm guessing your earnings are lower due to supporting his career. Please seek advice and think about yours and your DC future.

You're getting good advice her OP. But to reassure you, I earn just under £2.5k a month take home as a single parent and I manage. My mortgage is a couple of hundred less than yours though but my DC have expensive hobbies! I don't have much at the end of the month and some months I have to dip into a credit card. But it is manageable and I would say we are comfortable.

But. With the big differences with salary I would assume you are entitled to some maintenance from your ex. I take it he wants 50/50 care. Is that realistic with his presumably full on career?

Then he should have been nicer to his wife if he wanted his marriage to last.

And it’s not “his” money. And he should have been paying for the children’s requirements too. He’s done a cracking job on you hasn’t he?

1 in 2 marriages fail

I hear what you are saying about not having earnt it - BUT - in the eyes of the law all contribution to the marraige is equal, be it wage earning or staying at home with the children.
Please, please speak to a solicitor and get proper advice about what you could expect and are entitled to.
You are fighting for your childrens future now and financial security is much more important than sticking to your principles and not wanting to rock the boat.

Solicitor and please TAKE THE MONEY YOU ARE ENTITLED TO.

Sorry about shouting but what he has in pension/house etc.. is also because you supported him in his career.
He didn’t do it all on his own.

You need that money to put a roof on your dcs head, buy clothes (he should be contributing to etc...).
Don’t go down the route ‘but I didn’t earn it’. You did and he legally agreed to it when he got married with you.

OP, it’s not his money.
You’re married which first and foremost is a contractual arrangement.
Take emotion out of it, sit down and do some reason. There are precedents set for when contacts need to be terminated

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