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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Does this sound right - financially?

121 replies

Magictoothfairy · 02/05/2021 18:11

I earn approx £1250 a month.
The houses im looking at are about £1k rent a month. I’ve two dc, 12 and 5 and I’ve used the universal credit calculator. I’ve no savings and no other income sources. It says £316 a week - total. Does this seem about right? Approx £2.5k a month with what I earn and UC, rent will take £1k, bills, food, council tax another £1k ish? Leaving me with £500. Out of which will come approx £200 on childcare actually. Hadn’t thought of that. £300 a month spare then, after this.
I’m anticipating DH having the dc 50% of the time so I won’t get any child maintenance. I’m hoping on the above it’ll just about be manageable because I will have to buy all the dc’s clothes and fund any hobbies or costs like glasses and school holiday childcare etc from my money. It’s unlikely DH will contribute anything. DH earns over £150k but from what I’ve heard I don’t think he will need to pay me anything as the courts favour a clean break.

OP posts:

kittenkipping · 03/05/2021 00:07

Whothewho- you are misunderstanding the contract of marriage. It's not if one stays/ wants- it's all bets off. It's actually a legal contract. She hasn't broken the contract. It was always escapable. And the terms of escape fairly clear (that is why some men won't marry and why many women end up
Fucked because of it) the terms are - equity. Recognition of childcare as worthy contribution to life. Shared pension relief. Tax relief upon death as its recognised that money and property are shared and equally owned regardless of income/ societal role.

Original poster

Magictoothfairy · 03/05/2021 08:38

I will have to rent because I will have to leave this house as it’s not mine.
I won’t be able to buy.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 03/05/2021 08:42

OP I suggest before you do anything you get an appointment with a solicitor and take it from there.

You are married so that as a lot of posters have said means it is actually just as much yours. And also as a PP said a judge is going to be against signing off on anything that isnt equitable.

I also suggest the freedom programme and counselling as well.

Though I have to say this is the second almost identical thread in the past month so I do have my doubts. In both cases the OP stuck to the same script it wasnt their house even though all other posters pointed out that legally it was

CandyLeBonBon · 03/05/2021 08:52

@Quartz2208

OP I suggest before you do anything you get an appointment with a solicitor and take it from there.

You are married so that as a lot of posters have said means it is actually just as much yours. And also as a PP said a judge is going to be against signing off on anything that isnt equitable.

I also suggest the freedom programme and counselling as well.

Yep. My thoughts exactly.

beingsunny · 03/05/2021 09:05

I felt this way when I left my husband.

I didn't feel entitled to anything that we had because I'd been at home with DC and then part time.

We did privately agree on a 50/50 split of what I knew we did have (2 investment properties which were and still are both mortgaged) he had also used all our savings on a dodgy business venture which apparently failed and he lost all money.

He earns triple my salary which isn't low in itself.

I did actually regret not asking for a share of pensions and savings as the difference in lifestyle is quite vast in that I still can't afford to buy a home and am still in a rented 2bed apt and he owns a large 4 bed house in the same suburb.

However im not bitter as I'm independent, manage well enough and he is extremely generous on anything DC needs including tutoring and extra curricular. We have an almost 50/50 arrangement with DC and he does pay some child support voluntarily.

This is your only opportunity to get a safe home and security for your DC and as hard as it feels it's not for you but for them.

muchtoocold · 03/05/2021 09:38

Please don't let guilt affect you fighting for a fair share of what you are entitled to. I felt guilty and made all sorts of compromises and allowances ( much smaller ones as was not a SAHP, minimal equity, etc). However, give an inch and they'll take a mile is very apt and he will take advantage when it suits.

With regards UC you will be entitled for 6 months after you receive your share of the house. They provide an exemption if your capital is in the form of a share of a house which your ex is living in. If you have cash from other sources then this will count immediately.

CovidSmart · 03/05/2021 09:39

@Magictoothfairy

I will have to rent because I will have to leave this house as it’s not mine. I won’t be able to buy.

You are married. That house as much his as it is yours.

titchy · 03/05/2021 09:44

@Magictoothfairy

I will have to rent because I will have to leave this house as it’s not mine. I won’t be able to buy.

Ffs why are you posting and then ignoring what everyone is telling you. Regardless of who is in the deeds or who has paid the mortgage, the house is an asset to be split between you. A judge could well rule that you keep the house. By the way register a home right interest with the land registry.

titchy · 03/05/2021 09:45

Original poster

Magictoothfairy · 03/05/2021 09:51

Oh I know it’s legally half mine - but I also know DH won’t leave it and I can’t live here alongside him once I’ve told him I want to split so what are my options?

OP posts:

4PawsGood · 03/05/2021 10:03

He can buy you out.

Original poster

Magictoothfairy · 03/05/2021 10:04

Yes. But that’ll take time. Initially I have no other option but to rent.

OP posts:

DorotheaDiamond · 03/05/2021 10:05

Your options are to go to a lawyer and get a fair share (50% plus) of the marital assists (home, savings, his pension etc). He will have to give you that 50%(or whatever ) in cash which you can then use to buy somewhere. He can raise a mortgage to to do in his salary. He may need to give uou more if you can’t get as big a mortgage to ensure uou both gave housing appropriate for the kids. He can’t have a 5 bed house and expect you to only have a 2 bed for example.

Been thru this helping my brother...was very interesting seeing how the financial mediator worked things out - aim was to add up total cash/savings/investment/income from both sides, look at all costs in the same way and arrange a split with both sides ending up able to house, feed, clothe etc the kids. Given your stbx income you may well end up with a much larger savings part of the house etc

Stop being stupid about taking it..it’s yours legally to support your kids!

DorotheaDiamond · 03/05/2021 10:06

And yes you will have to rent initially. That’s not the end of the world for a year...

Whoarethewho · 03/05/2021 10:09

Well legally you could get your half of the equity by forcing him to buy you out.

Quartz2208 · 03/05/2021 10:13

OP a forum isnt going to be able to set out your options - seek legal advice and take it from there

Missillusioned · 03/05/2021 10:15

Rest assured that men who instigate divorces have no qualms at all about seeking half the assets, irrespective of who funded them.
My ex husband certainly did despite being the higher earner and me having brought assets into the marriage.

Do the best for yourself. No one else is going to.

Whyareblokesonhere · 03/05/2021 10:24

How can guilt of taking money from the joint assets override the guilt of using taxpayers money, absolutely baffled by this.

We run, comfortably, a house of 5 on a total income of just over 2500 a month. It's not the house, lifestyle or financials that we'd like but FM we are a in a lot better position than most. With the joint income and no mortgage on a property and savings, my goodness the two parents in this scenario should both be able to provide an amazing upbringing for the children, the ones they both chose to parent.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/05/2021 10:24

Op this man isn’t interested in your DC
But yes he will want them 50-50 to avoid maintenance. But then he will meet someone else. And the kids will be with you full time and inherit nothing from him.

Don’t your kids deserve better than that.
Email women’s aid and ask for a solicitor recommendation They know solicitors who are good at dealing with shits like your H.

You get one chance at this. Don’t blow it.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/05/2021 10:26

And no it doesn’t sound right financially. You can afford to buy a house if you divide the assets if your marriage fairly. Instead you want to rent, might even be in council housing and will deprive someone else who really has no choice of their own home.

pointythings · 03/05/2021 21:21

I think you are being very foolish not wanting to take your rightful share of the assets. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's true. Why would you not want to maximise what you are able to provide for your DC when they are with you? This isn't about you, it's about them. It's also about fairness. Your husband earns well and is wealthy - why should he not pay his share rather than the taxpayer?

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