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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Does this sound right - financially?

121 replies

Magictoothfairy · 02/05/2021 18:11

I earn approx £1250 a month.
The houses im looking at are about £1k rent a month. I’ve two dc, 12 and 5 and I’ve used the universal credit calculator. I’ve no savings and no other income sources. It says £316 a week - total. Does this seem about right? Approx £2.5k a month with what I earn and UC, rent will take £1k, bills, food, council tax another £1k ish? Leaving me with £500. Out of which will come approx £200 on childcare actually. Hadn’t thought of that. £300 a month spare then, after this.
I’m anticipating DH having the dc 50% of the time so I won’t get any child maintenance. I’m hoping on the above it’ll just about be manageable because I will have to buy all the dc’s clothes and fund any hobbies or costs like glasses and school holiday childcare etc from my money. It’s unlikely DH will contribute anything. DH earns over £150k but from what I’ve heard I don’t think he will need to pay me anything as the courts favour a clean break.

OP posts:

CovidSmart · 02/05/2021 21:03

Normal to be angry.

Not normal to be so scared of his anger.

Doomsdayiscoming · 02/05/2021 21:08

@Magictoothfairy

I suppose it’s me that should be meeting the shortfall - not the state.

100% No.

Your selfish husband should be.

I just can’t believe someone earning that much with that bigger an asset can have children, and have no financial ramification. Men sicken me.

NameChangeforMoneyThings · 02/05/2021 21:10

I think I would forget thinking you're taking the money for you - you are taking the money for your children so you can give them the home they deserve. You are entitled to a fair share of the assets because you have contributed equally (albeit differently) to the marriage. Screwing over yourself and your children forever more to avoid upsetting someone (your savings wouldn't have been spent if you'd had enough cash as it is) is completely bonkers.

SummerSazz · 02/05/2021 21:11

I'm not claiming half dh's (large) pension as I am financially ok and have a number of years to improve mine (I will get his lump sum on death). I earn more than him and have some inheritance and the solicitors have said the courts might not even sign off on this as it could be seen as unfair on me even though we are both happy with it.

Also we'll have 50/50 but will both contribute to a joint account for the children's uniforms, school trips, clubs, bus passes, clothes etc

You say you are guilty that he should have to pay but don't seem to have the same feeling for the general taxpayers to support you instead 🤨

You should keep the house for the dc (this may be given in lieu of the pension split) but you REALLY need to talk to a solicitor. They'll advise you as to what might be approved by the courts as a reasonable arrangement

Bigbluebuttons · 02/05/2021 21:14

What the bloody hell has this man done to you?

CombatBarbie · 02/05/2021 21:14

But you have up your career so he could save 60k in premium bonds and pay off a mortgage which would have taken last nger if you'd been paying childcare.....why wouldn't you go for what you're entitled too 🤔

Doomsdayiscoming · 02/05/2021 21:17

£60k in premium bonds

Cap is 50k. Unless he has them in your name, and has all the details. Wouldn’t surprise me at this point.

Also really, really bad long term investment.

iloverock · 02/05/2021 21:18

You do realise a judge wouldn't even approve a split like this.

Original poster

Magictoothfairy · 02/05/2021 21:20

Oh...I thought he had £60k in premium bonds. I don’t really know what he has. He must have the maximum amount and put the rest into savings then I suppose.
None of it is in my name.
I’m not happy for the taxpayer to support me long term but if DH won’t then I don’t know what else I can do short term.

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 02/05/2021 21:20

Regardless of guilt you are entitled to a share of the home, pensions and savings.

Barksmum12 · 02/05/2021 21:24

It's not about you, it's about the children. What happens if he remarried?

Take every penny... for them.

Hairbear2 · 02/05/2021 21:26

Most solicitors offer a free half an hour appointment, they will advise you on what is fair in the eyes of the law. The only reason your husband could earn that sort of money and pay the mortgage is because you looked after him (no doubt) and the children.
Like others have said, don’t walk away with nothing from it! If you can buy a place, you’ll be set up. Also, think ahead, you won’t get universal credit when your children have grown up.

Bigbluebuttons · 02/05/2021 21:31

I’m not happy for the taxpayer to support me long term but if DH won’t then I don’t know what else I can do short term.

He won’t support you? You’re not even asking him to. You know this is ridiculous.

ejhhhhh · 02/05/2021 21:52

He sounds abusive, and it sounds like you know it. If you were unhappy and it wasn't due to abuse, you'd be going down the marriage counselling route, and eventually divorce wouldn't be a surprise because it would come after a period of trying to save the marriage. But that doesn't sound like your situation, it sounds like it will be a surprise because there's no point trying to save a marriage involving emotional and financial abuse. You keep sayings nothing is in your name so you don't feel entitled to anything, but that's not normal, that sounds like financial abuse. In a healthy relationship, especially after kids come along, finances are shared, property is shared, it's a partnership. That's how the law sees it too, so it doesn't matter what's in your name, they're all joint assets. He has made you believe you're not entitled to anything, which of course serves him quite well in just this situation. He probably will be angry when you tell him you want a divorce, but please don't let him get away with his abuse by walking away with nothing.

millymollymoomoo · 02/05/2021 21:57

It’s highly unlikely that the courts would not sign off a financial split where your ex gets everything and you nothing. You have children and their needs come first and there are marital assets to split
You’ll be entitled to a fair share- no one knees knows what that is, although to be at least 50%. You’d also be in spousal maintenance territory ( even if time bound)
See a solicitor

kittenkipping · 02/05/2021 22:16

Leaving aside your stance on finances (which I hope you reconsider after taking legal advice) and letting him have 50/50 childcare (!) - id just like you to know- you have the right to demand first refusal in the event of necessary childcare should the co parent need it. I was given that in court. If you ask for first refusal, he can't palm them off in childcare IF you don't want him to.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 02/05/2021 22:47

None of it is in my name.

IT DOESN'T MATTER - YOU'RE MARRIED!! Marital joint assets unless something has been specifically set up not to be shared. This is why you need a solicitor. The contract of marriage will protect you. That's what its there for. Don't squander your opportunities for the rest of your life because you're feeling downtrodden. He's done a right number on you hasn't he?

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 02/05/2021 22:52

@kittenkipping

Good point. Just because he asks for it, doesn't mean he'll get it if that means their life will change significantly without any benefit to them. Your DC going into childcare instead of being with a parent if that's not what they're used to won't be pushed. If you want them with you after school instead you can make your case for why this is better than him having them in name only, while someone else looks after them. It will be seen for precisely what it is - him trying to wriggle out of paying CM. But if he DOES get 50/50 he needs to pay for that childcare himself, for school lunches on his days, and for clothes to keep at his house so that he's not sending them home with a bag of dirty clothes for you to wash. If he wants them to have two homes he needs to make sure that they are able to go to clubs and parties etc on his days, facilitate their friends visiting etc. Of course there's a tiny chance he might step up and make sure this works for them. But more likely he's just going to threaten it because he knows you won't want it. If you go along with it, he will perversely change his mind. I'd bet my house on it.

Whoarethewho · 02/05/2021 22:54

@CovidSmart

Solicitor and please TAKE THE MONEY YOU ARE ENTITLED TO.

Sorry about shouting but what he has in pension/house etc.. is also because you supported him in his career.
He didn’t do it all on his own.

You need that money to put a roof on your dcs head, buy clothes (he should be contributing to etc...).
Don’t go down the route ‘but I didn’t earn it’. You did and he legally agreed to it when he got married with you.

I get by fine on 2k a month of wages so that will be fine. You need to cut your cloth some months but it is readily achievable.

I sort of agree with the op they appear they are breaking the contract of marriage so it would seem strange normally to claim money from the other party when they haven't broken the contract. Either way it seems increasingly difficult to justify in the modern divorce era where 50% of marriages fail for anyone having that sort of earnings difference with their partner it getting to the stage marriage isn't worth it.

titchy · 02/05/2021 22:59

No judge is going to agree to you taking nothing when you have two children to support. So your choice is pretend your kids deserve a nice home and clothes and food with you and woman the fuck up, or stay married.

Pinkpaisley · 02/05/2021 23:31

Marriage is ultimately a financial contract to reflect the reality of raising children. That is your money. Get a solicitor and get your fair share. Walking away with nothing sets a horrible example for your children. Do not let them think that is ok.

Also, 50:50 means he is responsible for providing them what they need during his time. Which means he buys have the clothing, half the uniform, half the school supplies, etc. don’t be a doormat and let him use 50:50 as a way to control you and steal from you and the children. If you buy everything that is what he is doing. He is stealing money from his kids.

Viviennemary · 02/05/2021 23:38

That does seem an extremely generous benefits payout compared to what some people on here are getting. Not even having enough money for food and having to use food banks. Why do you need to rent when you have a mortgage free house.

minniemomo · 02/05/2021 23:49

If he earns that amount you'll have to either get a very large settlement or more likely spousal maintenance until youngest is 18

Viviennemary · 02/05/2021 23:53

And besides everything else what happens if he meets somebody else and decides he doesn't want 50/50. You are setting yourself up for an impoverished old age relying on benefits and rentals. Wake up OP. You need some proper legal advice.,

CandyLeBonBon · 02/05/2021 23:57

@Whoarethewho you can think it's as odd as you like. Currently the law states that marital assets are to be equitably shared.

It's not a commercial contract. It's a marriage contract. Different laws apply.

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