Stay at home mum getting divorced, need advice

[LittleMissMaghribi]

Hi everyone, I am possibly looking at the option of divorcing my husband and first need some advice.

I am a Moroccan national with Moroccan citizenship. I married my husband at the end of 2015 and we had 2 sons whilst I lived in Morocco.

My husband applied for a settlement visa for me which was granted this month and I am now in the UK.

I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband, and I don't have any income, benefits, or job.

My husband has a job that brings in around £35,000 a year before tax.

He doesn't own a home and has about £15,000 in assets (mainly savings with about £4000 in stocks and shares) and about £10,000 of liabilities (mainly credit card debts), so a networth of about £5,000.

If I divorce him, will he be legally required to pay any of his salary to me during the divorce proceedings, so I can pay my own rent and expenses? And how about after divorce?

He also has a pension of about £20,000 if that makes a difference but is nowhere near retirement age (we are both early thirties).

After divorce, would he be required to share his salary with me and roughly how much do you think he would have to share?

My visa conditions state that I cannot claim benefits, so would not be entitled to government support, and I am not sure about if I would be able to find work. I have a degree in sociology but don't have a lot of work experience.

Since my sons have British nationality, I am looking at changing my visa to a parent visa, since I don't think I can stay on a settlement visa if we divorce. Would I be entitled to benefits?

Does anyone have experience of being the stay at home mum without an income during divorce and were you entitled to some of your husbands salary in the divorce proceedings (before and after), and was it enough to live on without additional income from benefits or work?

Please let me know your experiences in how the finances might work out in such a situation. I am a bit stressed. We are not really getting on at the moment and I need a plan B for how I can live if we can't live together going forwards.

Also, we are not currently living together. I am staying with a relative. Am I better off living with him and does that increase my rights during a divorce if we share a house? in the case of a divorce, if we are renting a property, does it matter who's name is on the rental documents, and would he be the one required to leave or me if he pays the rent, and would he still need to pay the rent for me and our sons even if he moved out?

Please let me know what my rights and responsibilities are.

Thank you for your help.

If you rent a house as a family and he leaves the house he can not be forced to pay rent for a house you live in.
If he is on the tenancy agreement the landlord could pursue him for unpaid rent if you refuse to pay it but you will be evicted from the property as soon as you refuse to pay the rent.

You would also be putting yourself in a dangerous position if you were to do that as the council would not obligated to house you as you are not a British citizen so you would effectively be making yourself homeless.

Someone has already asked if you’d consider going back to Morocco, it seems a logical solution. Married less than 3 1/2 years, only seeing him 3/4 times a year, living here less than a month, unable to claim anything other than child benefits, abusive husband. It’s unlikely that you will get all the financial support that you are hoping for.
As stucknoue said, unfair or not, immigration are likely to view this as a marriage of convenience unless you have hefty evidence to the contrary. They are not known for their flexibility or willingness to believe individuals, however heartbreaking the story.

I was born in Morocco and am a Moroccan citizen that just entered the UK on a settlement visa.

My children are British by descent due to their british father. They were born in Morocco but were entitled to British nationality.

We were married since Dec 2015/Jan 2016 and had two kids in Morocco in that time but he took 4 years to bring me and his kids to live with him.

Does this make any difference to my situation?

I don't think you are listening.

best case scenario; if you divorce here, you would be entitled to child maintenance, which would be approx £400 a month.

There is pretty much zero chance of spousal maintenance on his salary.

If you divorce then you would need to agree a split of other assets, but there don't really appear to be any. So that's it. He isn't going to have to support you other than child maintenance. If you did live together and he left the property, you would have to pay the rent etc.

Divorce settlements are not impacted by the reason for divorce- you don't get more because he's cheating.

As to your visa and working, you definitely need specialist advice. There is a real danger that you could end up with no recourse to benefits here and a suspicion that your js a marriage of convenience. You need legal advice, MN isn't going to be able to give you reliable visa advice.

Best case scenario you would receive CMS of £300 or so.

He would not be fully liable to financially support you living in the uk.

OP i would advise contacting a specific women’s charity that can advise on your circumstances re immigration and finances. There may be support charities for (I’m assuming here forgive me) Muslim women in difficult relationships etc. I know there is an organisation for Asian women in Newham.
Be advised also that even if a parent is obliged to pay child support there is practically NOTHING that can be done to force them to do so.

Try contacting the Citizens Advice Bureau for advice on your specific case, they could put you in touch with those who know the current laws and options.

No it's fine, thanks for giving me a clear picture at least regarding what the law says, whether it's for or against me.

I am from a fairly affluent middle class family family. I didn't think I would be in this situation in my life. I can possibly return to my parents as we own a home in Morocco and my father has a good salary. He will retire soon on a government pension.

If I return to Morocco, would I still get the same child support?

What is the threshold where spousal support is considered? I am surprised £35,000 is a low income.

While divorce proceedings are ongoing, you can apply for maintenance pending suit - this is maintenance for you until the financial aspects of the divorce are finalised.

You can apply for child maintenance through the Child Maintenance Service. There is an online calculator you can use to work out how much child maintenance you might get. On your husband's £35k salary, assuming he doesn't have any other kids living with him, for your 2 DC you should be entitled to around £92 per week, which is £398 a month.

Spousal maintenance - money for you, once the divorce is final (i.e. this replaces maintenance pending suit) - is likely to be short lived if you get any at all. The courts expect young divorced mothers to get a job and support themselves within a reasonable time frame. This could mean by the time the youngest DC starts school.

I would focus on sorting out your visa status as a priority before setting divorce proceedings in motion.

Disclaimer: I'm not a solicitor, this is just what I think.

But I can't see you getting any more than child maintenance allowance, so maybe 20%. And even then he can just quit his job and go self employed, as so many "fathers" in the UK do, to avoid paying maintenance. I have no idea about his assets, maybe a portion of them if you had a good solicitor.

Your visa would obviously be at risk too.

If he rents a property in his name I think he can kick you out, you won't be able to get one in your name as you have no money coming in. If it was both names I don't think he can kick you out but you'll both be liable for the rent.

I'd be worried that he would try and say you scammed him into the marriage to get a visa. I'm not saying that's true at all but he doesn't sound like the sort that is going to want to share his money with you.

If you decide to try to live together (this will help your immigration status as you need 5 years ideally) the property should be in both your names and all legitimate landlords require all over 18's to be on the lease unless they are your children. You really need to consider what your motives look like from an immigration perspective, not good. By trying to live as a family it is showing that he didn't apply for your spouse visa illegally. As a divorced woman you are expected to work, alas your original post said as a sahm this just isn't what happens if you are a British National, has nothing to do with your nationality.

If you return to Morocco you can still claim child maintenance. £35k is considered a lower income for spousal maintenance because the court has consider their essential living costs first. To give you an idea - on £70k I'm only expecting £800 a month, ok I'm not complaining as some get none but it's a small amount considering my sacrifices to raise the kids. The law expects women to work - there's some free childcare hours from 3.

You've picked up quite a lot of legal knowledge for someone who isn't legally trained lost5stone. Well done. The OP doesn't seem to believe what we lawyers are telling her. She seems to believe this is the land of milk and honey.

What could I realistically expect with a "maintenence pending" suit? and if he did a trick that lost5stone mentioned, and went self employed or quit his job, would I lose that money?

For sure I can expect he will get a lawyer and try to get the best possible deal for himself. He would leave me and his sons homeless rather than give us anything. Especially if we divorce.

He would be able to afford a better lawyer than me.

Doesn't the law essentially favour british men when they go off abroad marrying and taking advantage of girls from abroad?

I read that too many men go to places like phillipines and thailand for a wife.

Sure some of them just want a visa, but there are also cases where its the man who just wanted a "holiday wife" and had no intention to really live together. Why did he not even prepare a home for us in 4 years of marriage? he knew the visa would come soon. I have to live with my family here and feel humiliated being portrayed as a visa seeker etc.

Can no one see that this makes an imbalance in the relationship favouring the men who go abroad to marry?

Singlenotsingle believe me I am reading and rereading everything you are all writing here. This thread is very useful to me. I am printing it out now because I believe you guys know what you are talking about. Its the best thing I can really do for legal advice at the moment. I will try to see if any charity can help me or anything as some people mentioned.

But I am definitely taking what you guys are saying on board believe me.

You have no reason to lie and if you are legally trained then of course you will have some knowledge and experience in these matters.

I am genuinely not a visa seeker though. I did love my husband and wanted a life with him. But he left me and our sons in morocco for 4 years, barely saw us, sent a little bit of money and left my parents to support me and his sons for 4 years, this is not what you expect from a man who is supposed to take care of you and love you as a wife.

You probably wouldn't get it, OP. If you did, it wouldn't be a lot. And if he lost his job or went self employed, yes you'd lose it because you can't get blood out of a stone. It's beginning to look like this was a marriage of convenience tbh.

Yes,it does sound as if you’ve been tricked into a sham marriage where he wanted the sex and the fun but never saw you as a real family.
He never really supported you, didn’t provide a home or lived with you all as a family. Yet you went along with it, and now it’s all falling to pieces very quickly.
It isn’t fair, but it is fact.

Marking

does anyone have a link to any legal website or government website to show that cheating doesn't really impact finances or advantage me in any way?

I was avoiding putting things online but I have proof. I took photos of some of his text messages.

So its very key information for me as to whether this has any impact on our situation, so if you can provide any link to confirm this it would be really useful.

I know how this looks but please try to see from both sides.

Thank you all for your help. You've been more than helpful and patient.

I hope this thread will also be useful to others in this situation. I looked through a lot of threads here but couldnt find many on divorce with very few tangible assets like properties etc and couldnt find many on situations on destitute women who were married abroad.

At the moment I am in my cousins house and living on what my parents send me but they have 4 of us to support so its not easy. I just want to stand on my own two feet.

OP, you say you are allowed to work, so why not look for a job? When I got divorced it was expected that I work - even if the work was only menial.

Safirexx what does marking mean?

www.teeslaw.com/article/can-adultery-affect-outcome-divorce-settlement

But if there are no marital assets - house, savings etc - then there is nothing for you to realistically receive in the divorce, apart from child maintenance.

Cheating just gives you grounds for divorce. You are not talking about standing on your own two feet, you are asking how others can pay for you, ...and people are telling you that it’s more if a fantasy than a plan that will actually work. How did your parents feel about you coming to the UK with a man you hardly knew who’d not actually shown his ability to provide for his family? Mine would have been very worried and discouraged me from leaving on such uncertain terms.
Your job prospects seem better in Morocco.

Over50, I am more than happy to work, even if its not a good job. But I need a salary thats enough to support me and my two sons, including rent, bills, food etc.

With no experience and what seems to be considered a "mickey mouse degree" in sociology, its not easy to find a job with a suitable salary.

You say £35k is low. What about £10k, which is what I would earn with a full time job on minimum wage.

Then I have child car considerations etc. Our children are very young, they didn't even start school yet.

thank you churchthecat, appreciated.