Stay at home mum getting divorced, need advice

[LittleMissMaghribi]

Hi everyone, I am possibly looking at the option of divorcing my husband and first need some advice.

I am a Moroccan national with Moroccan citizenship. I married my husband at the end of 2015 and we had 2 sons whilst I lived in Morocco.

My husband applied for a settlement visa for me which was granted this month and I am now in the UK.

I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband, and I don't have any income, benefits, or job.

My husband has a job that brings in around £35,000 a year before tax.

He doesn't own a home and has about £15,000 in assets (mainly savings with about £4000 in stocks and shares) and about £10,000 of liabilities (mainly credit card debts), so a networth of about £5,000.

If I divorce him, will he be legally required to pay any of his salary to me during the divorce proceedings, so I can pay my own rent and expenses? And how about after divorce?

He also has a pension of about £20,000 if that makes a difference but is nowhere near retirement age (we are both early thirties).

After divorce, would he be required to share his salary with me and roughly how much do you think he would have to share?

My visa conditions state that I cannot claim benefits, so would not be entitled to government support, and I am not sure about if I would be able to find work. I have a degree in sociology but don't have a lot of work experience.

Since my sons have British nationality, I am looking at changing my visa to a parent visa, since I don't think I can stay on a settlement visa if we divorce. Would I be entitled to benefits?

Does anyone have experience of being the stay at home mum without an income during divorce and were you entitled to some of your husbands salary in the divorce proceedings (before and after), and was it enough to live on without additional income from benefits or work?

Please let me know your experiences in how the finances might work out in such a situation. I am a bit stressed. We are not really getting on at the moment and I need a plan B for how I can live if we can't live together going forwards.

Also, we are not currently living together. I am staying with a relative. Am I better off living with him and does that increase my rights during a divorce if we share a house? in the case of a divorce, if we are renting a property, does it matter who's name is on the rental documents, and would he be the one required to leave or me if he pays the rent, and would he still need to pay the rent for me and our sons even if he moved out?

Please let me know what my rights and responsibilities are.

Thank you for your help.

OP, this is a very difficult situation. I'm not quite sure what you had in mind when you chose to come to the UK. Given that your husband had not shown much interest in/support for your children before you came here, it seems to have been a significant risk. I can only guess that you made assumptions about what you would be entitled to in the event that it didn't work out, and that it all went wrong from there.

I think some posters have been unfair in assuming that you came here looking for a land of milk and honey. I'm sure that your marriage was genuine, but I suspect that your expectations about the life that your husband could provide were very unrealistic, and that has perhaps put a lot of strain on your relationship. You have obviously come from a culture where women are not expected to work/pay their way. I presume that you had heard that equality for women is enshrined in UK law. Perhaps you had not appreciated that, on the other side of this equality, there is an expectation that women are responsible for supporting themselves financially.

Anyway, you are where you are. I think you have only two realistic options. One is to stay and make things work with your husband - which sounds like it could be difficult. The other is to swallow your pride and go back to Morocco. I do appreciate that the latter option is very difficult and not what you had envisaged, but is it really worth spending the next five years in a state of constant misery and anxiety in order to avoid the loss of face associated with going home?

Regardless of how you got here, you're in an incredibly difficult and vulnerable situation. I hope things work out for you.

How would you pay for the property even if you could stay there?
Yes, he could call the police regarding the destruction of property.

One of the reasons I live with my British husband in my home country is exactly this - the fear of becoming 'second class' in the UK. And I am an educated woman with a very successful career (10+ years) in multinationals and a high earner (so could probably get a similar job in London relatively easily). From what you have said, it's unlikely your husband will be of huge support for you in the UK. Go back to your home country and build your life from scratch. Your English is good, your 'mickey mouse' degree could probably get you a professional office job in a decent company (albeit an entry-level) and your family would be of huge help with the children (that's what families do in traditional societies, don't they?). What was the point of your private education and university degree if you can't raise above 'shame in returning to your parents' billishit and actually show your children that even in traditional societies women can achieve more, much more than just being kept and looked after by men.

Hi guys, there seem to be some mixed opinions here.

Can I be kicked out of the house in my current set-up?

Is his property and my property essential belonging to both of us or do we have individual legal protections for our property?

If his name is on the lease then yes he can kick you out.

Neither of you own a rental property. So no you have no claim on the house. The lease is what gives an individual entitlements. And so if your name isn't on there you can be asked to leave by him and have no push back.

Yes he can kick you out.

If you destroy his property, he can have a claim against you.

Yes, he can kick you out-your name isn’t on the lease.

How were you thinking you could pay for the flat on your own even you could stay (which you can’t)?

You need to either stay in your marriage or return to your home country.

What property of his did you destroy? We’re they expensive items?

OP, you have put yourself in a tricky position, and what's worse is your children are stuck in the middle, I presume your DH has returned from seeing his children and is back in the house as it's been almost two weeks since you told us he'd gone there.
If your name isn't not on the tenancy agreement then the landlord will evict you, especially if you are not able to pay your rent. If your DH reports you damaging his property to the police, they will find out you're living here outside the terms of your visa, so you may well end up being sent back to your home country,

Yes he can ask you to leave, as the tenancy is in his name. You are in a very precarious position op.

OP I do feel for you, though you are not coming across very well in your posts. I thought the idea upthread of going back to Morocco and saying your husband had died was a good one? Would this negate any shame brought upon you and your family?

Otherwise, if you're set on staying here, could you apply for some bank translator work in the evenings maybe, whilst your husband is at home? Build up a little nest egg whilst you plan your next steps? I used to work for a GP surgery that were desperate to book Arabic translators, I bet this is also the case where you are.

Hi everyone.

Some major updates to my situation and advice needed.

He did return to his partner and they have had another child.

He is moving out and living independently. How much child maintenance will I be entitled to? I have used the following link to try and make a calculation:

child-maintenance.dwp.gov.uk

It looks like if his 4 children are deemed as "living with him", I will get around £500, and if he is deemed as living separately to everyone, I will get £200 and his other partner will get £300.

Can he calculate her into the child maintenance calculations if he has a relationship with his partner but officially lives separately and classifies her as a recipient of maintenance? Does having a sexual or romantic relationship count, or is it purely based on living arrangements?

Also, I have gone to the police regarding an assault from him, so will need some advice on that but will start with child maintenance calculations. As it had been implied in the group the payment would be a lot less. If he is classed as living with his first partner now, I could get over £500.

That would definitely cover a massive chunk of my costs.

As it stands, I am in the rented apartment still and he is paying the rent, and the lease is in his name. He can't return due to an assault charge. But he is unlikely to keep paying the rent on the property if he isn't staying here so I am planning my next steps.

Also, I really don't feel comfortable with my kids staying at his ex partners house. Can I prevent him getting nights with my sons there? In any divorce settlement, how likely would he get some nights with my sons? I prefer he comes to visit for the day to see his sons.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it must have been a shock to find out he is still seeing someone else.

Given his salary of £35k and the fact he is not living with his other children, CSA would expect him to pay £184 per month. Enforcing this can be a challenge and if he loses his job then you lose this payment. The payment is based on living arrangements only.

No one can confidently comment on a divorce case with the details given. Since your husband has never lived with your children I expect a court would not give him overnight visitation straight away, but would expect arrangements to be put in place to build up to this if he wants it. You would not be able to dictate who he can and can't involve in any visits where he is allowed to take the children out of your home, unless the children's safety is at risk.

I think your most pressing situation is your housing, as if he doesn't pay the rent then you could be evicted. He has no legal responsibility to house you.

I have a degree in sociology

So, you are an intelligent woman, and your English is excellent, but you never thought to find out the ins and outs of marrying, divorcing, having children and bringing them to a foreign country as to your and their legal rights and obligations?

Why not? Crazy.... Even without a degree (which counts for nothing these days) Google can get you a long way.

Can I prevent him getting nights with my sons there?
The short answer is "No"

The long answer is if you go down this route he can make your life a complete nightmare and throw everything back in your face ensuring you don't see your children until they are older so don't try it.

In any divorce settlement, how likely would he get some nights with my sons?
Child arrangements are separate from divorce.

Child maintenance is considered separate from child arrangements.

This is because your husband is a low earner.

All your posts on this thread seem vengeful. Stop concentrating on getting revenge. Try to work out what is best for you and your children long term.

In your case it is keeping their father onside so you don't get deported and don't see your children for many years.

OP how did you meet your husband?

We met online.

He has to attend an interview at the police station and has been advised to not return to the house.

He is claiming that he has nowhere to live and cannot take out or afford another lease unless he terminates the current lease.

He has offered either for me to transfer the tenancy in my own name or he will terminate the tenancy.

But I dont have money or the ability to take out another lease, nor the credit history.

I have been reading online and there isn't much he can do to make me leave the property, and nor is there much the landlord can do.

He has to keep paying the rent since he is in a contract and breaching the contract would result in negative referencing and damage to his credit history.

For him to terminate the property early, he would need to hand over the keys to an empty apartment, which he cannot do as long as I am living there.

He also cannot physically kick me out or change the locks, even though I am not a listed tenant. The law protects my rights quite a lot.

I know its unethical, but my choice is either stay in the home and let him keep paying the rent (or suffer the consequences for not paying it), or be homeless. So I am thinking this is my only move short term. Would it be considered abuse if he cancelled the broadband, energy, council tax etc and caused the electricity and gas to be cut off?

Also, since he has committed an assault against me which is currently under investigation, I believe I am entitled to emergency benefits for 3 months and legal aid for indefinite leave to remain application and no fee to pay. Can anyone confirm if that is correct or is there anything I am missing? This is what I have read online.

I can see light at the end of the tunnel to be honest, I have a house, potentially have benefits to use for rent and living, and indefinite leave to remain so I can remain here permanently and fully supported by the government. I can then get myself on my feet and take some training and find work.

I am feeling more positive now as I have a way forward, but wanted to check if I have missed anything.

Also, to force someone to leave a property is a really expensive legal process that would be a headache for my husband or the landlord to go through. So that seems unlikely.

when did the tenancy start OP - it may well be that he can give notice to the landlord and have the tenancy end within a couple of months. In that scenario the landlord would then be able to proceed to take possession as you would be unauthorised occupiers.

Try not to count your chickens as they're nowhere near being hatched.

Is this for real?

Yes it's for real, I need to do whatever is best for myself and my kids within.

MyrtleWilson the tenancy is official finished in December but we can remain their longer or leave at that point. But my husband can only terminate the tenancy if the house is cleared completely.

I have spoken with the landlord and he is willing to transfer the property to my name, but is not confident I can pay the rent. So it will really depend on whether I am entitled to emergency benefits as the victim of domestic violence, and also how much I will receive in Child Maintenance.

I have read the guidelines for settlement visas in instances of domestic violence and I should be automatically entitled to housing benefit and income support. The housing benefit should cover the rent on the apartment I assume (£600), the income support is about £75 a week which is about £300 a month, and then he will be forced to pay around £400 a month in child maintenance, assuming he doesn't get the kids for any nights of the week. So I think I should be ok.

I am also entitled to legal aid for divorce, which means I will get legal representation to secure a legal divorce, can make a claim on any shared assets, and also get support in securing a decent child maintenance agreement and custody issues.

From his side, I do not believe he is entitled to any form of legal aid, and I cannot see him spending thousands of pounds on a legal battle and lawyers etc. So it seems like this should be pretty straight forwards.

So those who were telling me that I should return back to Morocco and I have no chance here and life is hard, that wasn't actually the case.

Oh and I should be entitled to apply for indefinite leave to remain on a fast track and can secure legal aid for lawyers and have the application fees waived so that will secure my right to stay and access to my rights here such as benefits etc.

The only other issue is that my husband has said that a criminal conviction of common assault against his wife could destroy his career in which case he would default to £5 a month in child maintenance if he has to leave his job and start claiming benefits. So that is the main risk there. But I would just have to survive on housing benefit and income support in that instance.