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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Stay at home mum getting divorced, need advice

474 replies

LittleMissMaghribi · 29/05/2019 11:12

Hi everyone, I am possibly looking at the option of divorcing my husband and first need some advice.

I am a Moroccan national with Moroccan citizenship. I married my husband at the end of 2015 and we had 2 sons whilst I lived in Morocco.

My husband applied for a settlement visa for me which was granted this month and I am now in the UK.

I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband, and I don't have any income, benefits, or job.

My husband has a job that brings in around £35,000 a year before tax.

He doesn't own a home and has about £15,000 in assets (mainly savings with about £4000 in stocks and shares) and about £10,000 of liabilities (mainly credit card debts), so a networth of about £5,000.

If I divorce him, will he be legally required to pay any of his salary to me during the divorce proceedings, so I can pay my own rent and expenses? And how about after divorce?

He also has a pension of about £20,000 if that makes a difference but is nowhere near retirement age (we are both early thirties).

After divorce, would he be required to share his salary with me and roughly how much do you think he would have to share?

My visa conditions state that I cannot claim benefits, so would not be entitled to government support, and I am not sure about if I would be able to find work. I have a degree in sociology but don't have a lot of work experience.

Since my sons have British nationality, I am looking at changing my visa to a parent visa, since I don't think I can stay on a settlement visa if we divorce. Would I be entitled to benefits?

Does anyone have experience of being the stay at home mum without an income during divorce and were you entitled to some of your husbands salary in the divorce proceedings (before and after), and was it enough to live on without additional income from benefits or work?

Please let me know your experiences in how the finances might work out in such a situation. I am a bit stressed. We are not really getting on at the moment and I need a plan B for how I can live if we can't live together going forwards.

Also, we are not currently living together. I am staying with a relative. Am I better off living with him and does that increase my rights during a divorce if we share a house? in the case of a divorce, if we are renting a property, does it matter who's name is on the rental documents, and would he be the one required to leave or me if he pays the rent, and would he still need to pay the rent for me and our sons even if he moved out?

Please let me know what my rights and responsibilities are.

Thank you for your help.

OP posts:
PennyRoyal · 17/10/2019 16:33

There's lots of use of the word "entitled" OP in your posts. Why do you think you are so?

myrtleWilson · 17/10/2019 16:37

OP - Your Dh can terminate the tenancy and then the landlord can take possession - if there are costs associated with this (getting rid of furniture, evicting unauthorised occupiers) the landlord can take recovery action against the (ex) tenant - your DH. The tenancy doesn't just roll on as long as you are in the house.

Bartlet · 17/10/2019 19:45

The whole thing seems terribly calculated including the allegation of domestic violence to gain legal aid and right to remain.

The system should not be used by people like you to cheat. However you obviously don’t care and are looking for a meal ticket. Combination of your ex and the state with you contributing nothing.

Cant help but hope that your house of cards falls apart and you end up being deported.

Original poster
LittleMissMaghribi · 17/10/2019 20:25

PennyRoyal, I mean "legally entitled", because it is based on what I have read the law permits me to have.

myrtleWilson, my husband can't stop paying the rent without terminating the tenancy. The landlord will not terminate the tenancy without the house being empty and keys handed back. If my husband stops the direct debit, it will affect his credit rating and housing referencing, which will severely limit him in future.

Bartlet, you can think whatever you like. I cannot see how my house of cards can fall apart. I can't see any weakness in my current plan of action. Everyone has to take what the law permits them to have. My husband really did hit me, so the law permits me to receive legal aid, a fast track to definite leave to remain, and benefits. Why would I not take it if I am entitled to it legally?

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMissMaghribi · 17/10/2019 20:29

People in this thread a few months ago were telling me I had no hope and no way forward. I have now found one. Given my options were a fast track to IDL and benefits along with child maintenance, and the other option was return to morocco and live a life of destitution, why would I do that exactly? Every human will naturally do what will secure their life and rights in the best possible way.

OP posts:
Jaffacakebeast · 17/10/2019 21:38

Wow! Ur husband can end the tenancy, the landlord can send the bailiffs, you can be made homeless with 2 small children, they can be taken by social services and you can be deported, I see lots of maybes in your house of cards. Not a risk I’d take with my children

Letthemysterybe · 17/10/2019 22:41

I think you need ‘a plan of action’ that doesn’t involve you being dependent on him. I can’t imagine for one second that he
will continue to pay the rent beyond December whatever the damage to his credit score.

You are putting a lot of faith in getting on the fast track and benefits as a result of DV. But :

*You must prove:

your relationship was genuine and ongoing when you were last given permission as a partner
you were the victim of domestic violence from your partner, their family, or both, and this is why your relationship has broken down*

There are possible
Issues with both the above points. From all your posts here it could be interpreted that in fact your relationship was not ‘ongoing’ when you arrived in the uk. And also that DV is not the reason for your marriage breakdown.

myrtleWilson · 17/10/2019 23:07

if your husband follows due process he terminates the tenancy - the landlord doesn't get to agree or not. The landlord can take recovery action against the former tenant for related costs to recover the property. I've worked in housing for over 20 years. Whether your husband chooses to terminate or not is a different matter but legally if he follows due process he can.

SD1978 · 18/10/2019 00:26

So you've never lived together in the UK, married in Morocco, had two children with him from when he's come to visit on holidays, now in the UK for a short time, have still never lived together, and want to divorce and have him support you. You will be entitled to child support, spousal support on an average wage is less often approved. If he cancels your visa now, would you have to return to Morocco? Given your lack of support and finance in The UK and the children background raised initially in Morocco would a return there or make much more sense? There are no assets, potential a percentage of his pension currently could be garnished, but not future pension.

SD1978 · 18/10/2019 00:32

So you've never lived together in the UK, married in Morocco, had two children with him from when he's come to visit on holidays, now in the UK for a short time, have still never lived together, and want to divorce and have him support you. You will be entitled to child support, spousal support on an average wage is less often approved. If he cancels your visa now, would you have to return to Morocco? Given your lack of support and finance in The UK and the children background raised initially in Morocco would a return there or make much more sense? There are no assets, potential a percentage of his pension currently could be garnished, but not future pension.

SD1978 · 18/10/2019 00:36

I think the laws are terrible though, they don't seem to protect vulnerable women in poor countries from being lied to and manipulated with the hope of a secure life abroad.

This also isn't your situation though. You are educated and from a relatively wealthy family. Despite sporadic contact you have chosen to have two children with this man, and bow are looking for ways to make him pay for you in a way you see fit. He has 5 children to support. You've been here less than 2 months. You'd consider living with someone juts ti secure more money from them. I understand not wanting to return home as you see it as an embarrassment, but your current plans to move in with a large. You say is abusive and manipulative seems like a really silly one,

SD1978 · 18/10/2019 00:46

I apologise- the last page hadn't loaded....your level of calculation to try and get what you wanted is astounding to me. He can organise ballots to have you removed when the tenancy ends- he doesn't have to do the it. Have you got a job yet? Have you even looked? Best of luck- you've still got a battle, and not necessarily one you're goi g to win. He can have his kids overnight if he has a safe place to have them. Withholding contact because you want more out of him would be a pretty crap move.

BarbedBloom · 18/10/2019 00:49

As far as I can see it, you are still in the same position about them doubting the marriage. Even with the domestic abuse rules, they still have to believe the marriage was genuine and if he says otherwise, you are in trouble. Also, I doubt he will pay after December and then landlord will get you evicted long term. In addition, housing benefit doesn't always pay the full rent, so check that. In my area the local housing allowance isn't realistic and people have to top up the rent. You will also be expected to work with a benefit top up even once your children are over 3.

If your husband loses or quits his job you will get very minimum maintenance and if he isn't living with the OW, they won't be assessed as a family unit so you are still looking at £200.

I must say, you are relying a lot on your house of cards and given the current government and their attitude to people remaining in this country, I wouldn't be too confident something won't go wrong

BarbedBloom · 18/10/2019 00:50

And you can't prevent him taking his children to his ex's home. Unfortunately even violent men who abuse their wives seem to get full access

timshelthechoice · 18/10/2019 00:58

You can get a loan on Universal Credit entitlement, it's called an advance but it has to be paid back and the payments will come out of further UC, that's about as fast track as you can get because minimum wait for UC is 5 weeks and might be more but income support and local housing allowance falls under UC now. This man loses his job and you get a fiver a week in maintenance. The landlord can throw you out if he stops paying the rent. I think you're living in lala land still thinking you will get benefits and tons of maintenance from a man who has so many kids and about to have more.

JenniferM1989 · 18/10/2019 01:12

Did he really assault you OP or have you worked out this is the way that you will get benefits and the right to stay here? If he assaulted you, why do you want him coming to see the kids rather than them go to him under the watch full eye of his partner? Why would you want him anywhere near you?

You need to he careful here. If he loses his job due to this, that's 6 kids that won't be supported. He's an idiot, he is a total idiot for all of this but you need to think what your allegations might cause

timshelthechoice · 18/10/2019 01:16

It's hilarious you think you are going to get loads in benefits, already calculating this, when you don't have ILR yet and even then there's a wait and you'll be subject to local housing allowance caps and trying to find a landlord to take the UC. You probably still think the council gives out flats in nice areas to everyone.

Djimino · 18/10/2019 01:27

.

managedmis · 18/10/2019 01:52

Let's face it op you deserve some sort of reward for keeping up this charade! Fuck me riggins you're persistent

Tojigornot · 18/10/2019 02:00

Good grief Shock

Chattybum · 18/10/2019 02:03

I have honestly never read such a calculating and manipulative saga. It's this kind of exploitation of the system that has pushed the government to tighten the system and make it harder for genuine claimants, not naive twits who refuse to work so took a gamble that didn't pay off. Shame on you.

Chattybum · 18/10/2019 02:10

Also, to force someone to leave a property is a really expensive legal process that would be a headache for my husband or the landlord to go through. So that seems unlikely.

Possibly the most insane thing you have said so far. Ok so the landlord is just going to let you live there for free indefinitely is he? You are off your rocker.

Kittynapper · 18/10/2019 04:06

.

Queenoftheashes · 18/10/2019 05:39

Crikey

ferrier · 18/10/2019 07:26

'You must prove:

your relationship was genuine and ongoing when you were last given permission as a partner"

This is going to be the difficult bit for you OP, regardless of domestic abuse.

I would also check up on eviction processes - find out about section 8 and section 21 notices.