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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Stay at home mum getting divorced, need advice

474 replies

LittleMissMaghribi · 29/05/2019 11:12

Hi everyone, I am possibly looking at the option of divorcing my husband and first need some advice.

I am a Moroccan national with Moroccan citizenship. I married my husband at the end of 2015 and we had 2 sons whilst I lived in Morocco.

My husband applied for a settlement visa for me which was granted this month and I am now in the UK.

I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband, and I don't have any income, benefits, or job.

My husband has a job that brings in around £35,000 a year before tax.

He doesn't own a home and has about £15,000 in assets (mainly savings with about £4000 in stocks and shares) and about £10,000 of liabilities (mainly credit card debts), so a networth of about £5,000.

If I divorce him, will he be legally required to pay any of his salary to me during the divorce proceedings, so I can pay my own rent and expenses? And how about after divorce?

He also has a pension of about £20,000 if that makes a difference but is nowhere near retirement age (we are both early thirties).

After divorce, would he be required to share his salary with me and roughly how much do you think he would have to share?

My visa conditions state that I cannot claim benefits, so would not be entitled to government support, and I am not sure about if I would be able to find work. I have a degree in sociology but don't have a lot of work experience.

Since my sons have British nationality, I am looking at changing my visa to a parent visa, since I don't think I can stay on a settlement visa if we divorce. Would I be entitled to benefits?

Does anyone have experience of being the stay at home mum without an income during divorce and were you entitled to some of your husbands salary in the divorce proceedings (before and after), and was it enough to live on without additional income from benefits or work?

Please let me know your experiences in how the finances might work out in such a situation. I am a bit stressed. We are not really getting on at the moment and I need a plan B for how I can live if we can't live together going forwards.

Also, we are not currently living together. I am staying with a relative. Am I better off living with him and does that increase my rights during a divorce if we share a house? in the case of a divorce, if we are renting a property, does it matter who's name is on the rental documents, and would he be the one required to leave or me if he pays the rent, and would he still need to pay the rent for me and our sons even if he moved out?

Please let me know what my rights and responsibilities are.

Thank you for your help.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 02/06/2019 13:29

I thought you had to have lived here for 5 years to get ILR?

JessieTalamasca · 02/06/2019 13:43

You do, fed, and you have to prove you've been supporting yourself and provide references and proof you've been living together and all sorts.

breakfastpizza · 02/06/2019 13:47

OP - I admire you for trying to do the best for your children in a terrible situation.

ArchieHarrison · 02/06/2019 13:48

@fedup21 yup it’s as if she’s heard how generous the uk divorce courts are

Paddy1234 · 02/06/2019 13:51

I have a friend who was in Japan and married a Japanese man and had a baby. To come back the rules were she couldn't make any claims for five years.

Paddy1234 · 02/06/2019 13:52

It's way way tougher than anyone thinks

JessieTalamasca · 02/06/2019 13:55

I think sadly she was lead to believe the divorce courts are generous, that child maintenance is enforced and pertains only to the children he has with her, that you can claim benefits if your kids are British and stay no matter what if you have British kids, lot of very sad misinformation and also not a lot of thought or research into the realities of the cost of living in what is one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in.

fedup21 · 02/06/2019 14:14

I suspect that the OP will move back to Morocco to be near her family. She has only been here a couple of weeks-just say to people you went for a holiday to se if you liked it and it didn’t work out. It’s not like you’ve been gone for years.

Probably the best bet is if her parents/family could provide some childcare there and she works.

Who was supporting you for the last few years before you moved here? Were you in your parents home with them paying food/bills for you and your children? Did you ever work?

Foxmuffin · 02/06/2019 14:22

Have you ever lived together as a family? What did DH say he was up to??

Sinuhe · 02/06/2019 14:26

LittleMissMaghribi - what a mess. In my opinion you have 3 options.
1.) You try and move in with him and make things work. That includes finding a job and start providing for yourself.... think about divorce in a few years time...
2.) Get a divorce, get a job and try and stay in the uk. (Personally, I think this option is unrealistic as you really have not enough income.)
3.) Return to Morocco, with the stigma and head held high. Get on with your life, and teach your children to be better adults than their father.

The UK does have a good social system, but it is designed for people living and working here. It's not for people who come over with pipe dreams of streets flowing with milk and honey.

marfisa · 02/06/2019 14:40

Yes... what's sad about this case is that it's not just a story of misplaced immigrant dreams, it's the story of a feckless British bloke who popped over to north Africa to father two children.Sad

JessieTalamasca · 02/06/2019 14:53

Yes, he's a very twat individual. But there's nothing to be done. He hasn't broken any laws. He literally stop working and pay nothing or even just pay nothing and not much if anything will happen to him at all. That's how it goes.

marfisa · 02/06/2019 15:06

Yes, as so often, what is moral/ethical and what is legal don't really match up.

squee123 · 03/06/2019 14:57

His weekly salary is actually £673 not the higher figure quoted up thread.

Either way his income falls in the basic rate bracket which means he will likely pay 19% of his salary (after pensions deductions). BUT this will be split across the 5 children. So assuming he is required to pay maintenance for all of them, and no pensions contributions (which there likely will be) that would be £51.15 CM in total for your two kids.

If you want figures you can rely on rather than from internet randoms you need to go and see Citizens Advice

squee123 · 03/06/2019 15:03

per week that is, not per month

FuckMNDoubleStandards · 03/06/2019 17:14

As a solicitor that specialises in immigration, I would advise that you urgently contact your local citizen's advice bureau and discuss your case in full detail, no one will be able to really help you here without knowing every single piece of information to ensure you are assisted best. Considering your current circumstances, your visa can quite easily be revoked by the home office.

Please do seek advice, I am certain your cousin can point you in the direction of your local bureau. Your English is fantastic, so communication will not be an issue. When you do attend the bureau, ensure you take with you all documentation you do have, make sure you are honest with them so that they can direct you appropriately.

Legal aid is now very difficult to get, but they may be able to help direct you to some other legal help.

Best of luck to you OP. Immigration laws are very tight now and the home office quite often assume that legit marriages are sham marriages and sham marriages are legit. It can be very messy and costly.

fedup21 · 04/06/2019 12:29

Have you been to the CAB, @LittleMissMaghribi

What did they advise?

BringMeAGinandTonic · 06/06/2019 05:40

Hope all is alright @LittleMissMaghribi

Original poster
LittleMissMaghribi · 03/08/2019 09:53

Hi guys, just an update and a request for advice.

So I decided to move in with my husband for the last few months to see how things go.

Things have not really been working out, we have had a lot of arguments.

He has gone to see his other kids for the weekend.

I am thinking I will simply not let him return to the apartment we have together when he comes back.

My question is, if its only his name on the tenancy agreement, and nothing is in my name, can I still claim the property? Its a rented property. If he called the police on me, could they force me to allow him entry? Can he force me out?

Also, what are the laws on property? he bought stuff for the house, and also has a lot of his stuff here. Can I claim its mine, since we are married? Also in my anger when he left I damaged a few of his things, can he call the police on me about this? Or would it technically all be jointly owned property?

OP posts:
Asiama · 03/08/2019 11:11

As the property is in his name you cannot legally force him out. I don't know if he can force you out as your name is not on the property and you have lived together for a short time.

Although legally you would be in the wrong to destroy his property, I don't know if the police will do anything about it. He would certainly have a civil case.

This is so messy and I am really sorry for you. As others previously said, you need to find a way to be able to support yourself without your husband. The laws of this country will not force your husband to fully support you.

PicsInRed · 03/08/2019 11:32

OP, you need to see a good solicitor and a good immigration advisor. You need to do this urgently.

Original poster
LittleMissMaghribi · 04/08/2019 08:00

Is there anyone who might know the answer for sure as to whether he can kick me out if I am not named on the property?

OP posts:
teenybean · 04/08/2019 08:23

Yes he can

PotteringAlong · 04/08/2019 08:50

Yes, he can.

jellybellydancer · 04/08/2019 09:25

I understand some of the cultural issues you mention as I have Moroccan heritage, although I was raised in the uk.

If you want to remain in the UK I’d suggest keeping your relationship on an even keel. Focus on yourself: employment, studying, developing a career whilst living with your husband. Get your children to school and you will not have to pay childcare fees.

You are not doing yourself any favours by destroying your husband’s property. He has the upper hand here and can kick you out of the house. I’d try to take the emotions out of it and do the best you can for your children if you want to succeed in having a life here. I say that presuming there is no abuse.

Otherwise you’re going to have no choice but to go back to Morocco. As everyone else has said London is expensive even for the well educated with good careers.

I feel very lucky to have the opportunities I’ve had living in the uk.

Ensure your children have the best chance in life and try to make this work.