Stay at home mum getting divorced, need advice

[LittleMissMaghribi]

Hi everyone, I am possibly looking at the option of divorcing my husband and first need some advice.

I am a Moroccan national with Moroccan citizenship. I married my husband at the end of 2015 and we had 2 sons whilst I lived in Morocco.

My husband applied for a settlement visa for me which was granted this month and I am now in the UK.

I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband, and I don't have any income, benefits, or job.

My husband has a job that brings in around £35,000 a year before tax.

He doesn't own a home and has about £15,000 in assets (mainly savings with about £4000 in stocks and shares) and about £10,000 of liabilities (mainly credit card debts), so a networth of about £5,000.

If I divorce him, will he be legally required to pay any of his salary to me during the divorce proceedings, so I can pay my own rent and expenses? And how about after divorce?

He also has a pension of about £20,000 if that makes a difference but is nowhere near retirement age (we are both early thirties).

After divorce, would he be required to share his salary with me and roughly how much do you think he would have to share?

My visa conditions state that I cannot claim benefits, so would not be entitled to government support, and I am not sure about if I would be able to find work. I have a degree in sociology but don't have a lot of work experience.

Since my sons have British nationality, I am looking at changing my visa to a parent visa, since I don't think I can stay on a settlement visa if we divorce. Would I be entitled to benefits?

Does anyone have experience of being the stay at home mum without an income during divorce and were you entitled to some of your husbands salary in the divorce proceedings (before and after), and was it enough to live on without additional income from benefits or work?

Please let me know your experiences in how the finances might work out in such a situation. I am a bit stressed. We are not really getting on at the moment and I need a plan B for how I can live if we can't live together going forwards.

Also, we are not currently living together. I am staying with a relative. Am I better off living with him and does that increase my rights during a divorce if we share a house? in the case of a divorce, if we are renting a property, does it matter who's name is on the rental documents, and would he be the one required to leave or me if he pays the rent, and would he still need to pay the rent for me and our sons even if he moved out?

Please let me know what my rights and responsibilities are.

Thank you for your help.

You're not really preparing for every eventuality unless you see a lawyer. Talking to a lot of strangers on the internet who are not well-versed in the nuances of immigration law can only be of limited benefit.

Exactly, very eye opening. If OP was a British woman, or an immigrant from a white-majority, English speaking country, there would have been an outpouring of sympathy, advice to find a shit-hot lawyer, go and check what you are entitled to etc.

I think you've missed the point of the thread.

If op were British, she would be entitled to benefits and not be in this position. Posters would be saying apply for UC and offering links to websites as often seen on these boards.

If she were Australian, South African etc the advice would be the same. If you don't have recourse, you need to try and change your visa, find work or look at returning home. The process is the same for British nationals living overseas in these countries.

Not sure anyone would advise a 'shit-hot-lawyer' if divorcing a partner earning £35k with no assets and 5 DC's

Op, the maximum child maintenance deduction is 19% of his salary for three or more children. He has a pension so these contributions will be deducted from the gross amount and maintenance calculated on the remainder.

Each of his five children will be eligible to receive an equal amount. The likelihood is you would get 2/5th of the total. If he has more children in the future, this can be reduced again.

Lots of men manage to wriggle out of paying with very little consequence, which is why some posters say you'll get nothing as that is often the experience unfortunately.

You can't get CMS until you're divorced
Of course she can. Even (gasp) unmarried mothers can get child maintenance from their children's father, it is not conditional on the marital status.

How old are his other children? If they are all under 18 or in full time education they will be taken into account in terms of the calculation. I don’t think it’s immigrant bashing to point out that she has no entitlement to any government help (because she hasn’t paid in).

I wasn't making a general claim about CMS, silver, I was addressing the OP directly. She is married

... so she can't apply for CMS unless she has filed divorce papers from the children's father can she?

What marfisa said. Hadto, the kids already have British passports. The OP has a visa that's contingent on her remaining married to this man for years and no recourse to any benefits at all for many years, the education system here is in shambles, this guy doesn't legally have to pay a bean or even assist with childcare, he lives in shared accommodation that probably will not accommodate his wife and two young children and her family here are not wanting to keep her indefinitely.

OP can I ask, where did he plan for you to live when you came over here? Was it in his shared house and could you do that?

This link might be helpful to you OP

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/immigration/stay-in-uk/visas-after-a-divorce/

@marfisa
Are you saying then that there is no entitlement to the child maintenance while the monther is still married to the children's father?
I totally despair at the level of advice given on this thread. Especially by the immigration "experts", who quite clearly have zero idea what they are talking about and are basing their statements on the hysteria fuelled by the red top press.

... so she can't apply for CMS unless she has filed divorce papers from the children's father can she?
OMG, of course she can.

If the parents are living separately she can apply through CMS. What I want OP to understand is how utterly shit the system is.

OK, I didn't know that about CMS, silver; I was wrong, sorry.

But the fact remains that living WITH her husband in a valid marriage is a condition of being in the UK on a spousal visa. I don't see how she can legally do both: on the one hand live here on a visa that requires you to be married, and on the other hand apply for CMS which requires you to be living separated from your husband.

I have never claimed to be an immigration expert; in fact, I've urged the OP multiple times now to get specialist legal advice. I am an immigrant to the UK myself (I first came over on a spousal visa) and so I do have direct experience of how horrible dealing with the Home Office can be. I also know that every case is different, and that's why getting specialist legal advice is so abhorrent.

I am absoutely passionate about immigrant rights and I hate the tabloids' anti-immigrant propaganda, so wherever my statements are coming from, they're not coming from the "hysteria fuelled by the red top press".

We are on the same side here.

'why getting specialist legal advice is so IMPORTANT' -- not abhorrent! Blimey. I should probably step away from the computer now.

I think you need to get some proper legal help rather than relying on helpful MN people. But my guess is that you are now at risk of deportation unless you can make a strong case for being allowed to stay.

Please don't blame the UK welfare system. It cannot protect or support everyone everywhere. Perhaps you should cast equal blame towards the Moroccan system which, I presume, also won't support you, and Moroccan society that will penalise you for your situation should you return.

But the fact remains that living WITH her husband in a valid marriage is a condition of being in the UK on a spousal visa. I don't see how she can legally do both: on the one hand live here on a visa that requires you to be married, and on the other hand apply for CMS which requires you to be living separated from your husband.

Yes, this is absolutely the crux of the matter.

*Marifisa, you said that the home office legally requires him to provide for me whilst we are married. Does that mean that legally at the moment whilst we are married, he should be providing me rent, food etc?

What are the consequences to him if he does not do this, and is there any way to enforce this*

But you are being looked after. As far as the HO is concerned you are not on the street and you are not begging for food.

I wouldn’t think there was anything that could be done to make your dh do anything.

I do think your mindset has to change if you want to remain in the UK.

No one is going to look after you.
.
You might get some money from your spouse for the children but ultimately I wouldn’t rely on it.

You have a degree, you have a visa. The rest is up to you.

You probably won’t get much of a job at the start and you will probably need to look for something where childcare and/or accommodation is provided (or renting a 1 bed or studio in a cheap area) until your dc are old enough for school.

I think it can just about be done if you are working in a place that provides childcare, you have some child maintenance and your father sends you a little money each month but your whole outlook will have to do a complete 180 degree change.

As you have never worked would it be good just to take on a p/t 1 or 2 days per week job initially if your relatives could provide childcare.

I think op you are in for a huge culture shock when you realise how people live.

OP based on £720 (this doesn’t take into consideration pension payments so you would need to deducte them) the amount comes out as £115 a week HOWEVER this does not take into consideration his other three children that he doesn’t live with and will pay maintenance for so this amount of money would drop. Essentially his ex would get less as well but the amount of money set would be divided between the five children so the ex would get more than you for her three children.

Unless you make a claim it is impossible to speculate but I wouldn’t put it

Payment type Weekly payment Additional weekly fees Total amount to pay per week Application fee - you only pay this once
Collect and Pay £115 £23 £138 £20.00
Direct pay £115 No fees £115 £20.00
Arranging child maintenance yourself £115 No fees £115

@LittleMissMaghribi I'll contact free of charge the Citizens Advice.
You most have a letter from the home office that outlines your visa conditions.
I know that they give you the right to work immediately but no access to benefits for yourself for up to a year when your stay in Britain becomes permanent.
You also will have another interview at the Home Office.
Benefits in this country have changed over the years. It isn't easy to live on benefits for anybody.
You are finding the realities of being a grown up. £35k isn't much specially in London and paying for an ex and kids.
You aren't going to find much empathy here as you come across as entitled. The only people responsible for your kids are you and your husband. Find any job and start to support yourself. Life here is tough and extremely expensive.

I’m a bit confused by the timeline here. You married him in Morocco and have had two children. You have just got a visa agreed and have moved over here a couple of weeks ago to be with him, yet...I went to my cousins house rather than go to my husband

Why? Why did you not move to be living with your husband?

Your next paragraph talks about wanting to divorce him and what proportion of his salary you could ‘get’ out of him.

If things were going so badly that you want an immediate divorce upon your on arrival to the UK, why did you move to be with him? Why didn’t you just divorce him and stay put where you’ve always lived?

If things are going well and you wanted to be with him, why did you move straight into your cousin’s house?

It doesn’t quite make sense? It’s as if you applied for the Visa to come over with the intention of immediately divorcing him and using his money to be a SAHM.

The only solution is that the father, a British national, becomes the main carer for the children. He would get benefits and may be able to secure public housing on this basis. But in London that would be a big might and in all probability they would be offered accommodation outside London.

The OP would need to get a job but may have her visa revoked because he can no longer support her.

The upshot is that her husband can not afford to support her and the state will not support her as a SAHP. She needs to work and she needs to find free child care and a home. The later two are more or less impossible.

I agree with a PP in tHat if I was in your position I would be banking on getting nothing from the ex and looking at ways to support yourself

I know that they give you the right to work immediately but no access to benefits for yourself for up to a year when your stay in Britain becomes permanent.

It's longer than that now and has been for a while. It's longer than just a year and you get ILR and benefits. Nope, you have to also prove a number of things and pay quite a bit for the ILR visa as well.

People have been trying to tell the OP that it's pointless to try to rely on CMS because everyone knows how broken the system is and that even if she does get an award from the CMS that a) it will be very, very little b) he can get out of paying it largely unscathed c) it puts her visa in jeopardy as she's supposed to be living with him as a married couple to keep it (and needs to prove all this for ILR).

The reality is that the only real way for her to stay in the UK is to get a FT job that's enough to pay the bills and childcare (not likely) and maybe hope she can change to this 'parent visa' (which is very far from certain and expensive) or live with this guy until she can get the ILR and if he doesn't want her to or wants things to end he's under no obligation to capitulate to this.

@JessieTalamasca it is old info I guess things are tougher now.

VERY. I have a friend who just got her ILR and it was about £1500 in total. She had to prove a lot of stuff, too (she's an engineer and has never needed benefits). You have to sit a life in UK test and pay for it, show your financial ability, character references and all sorts it is pretty intense.