What don’t/won’t you miss?

[Misswontmissdontmiss]

Tomorrow my new life as a separated woman starts. Never in a million years did I think I’d be separating. One awful lapse of ethics/judgement on the part of STBXH finds me here.

It’s been a tough decision to move on and there’s plenty that I’ll miss. Ultimately I would not have been able to forgive him.

Therefore, I thought i’d start a thread to give some positivity to myself and other ladies in this position....

So let’s talk about what we won’t miss or, if already separated, what you don’t miss.

I won’t miss him putting things (hair, dead insects, bits of food) down the toilet and having the fright of my life when I go to use it.

I won’t miss feeling guilty about mid-week hobbies/drinks with friends (I always felt I was missing out on quality time with him).

I won’t miss his dreadful timekeeping.

I’ll add more if I think of more!

• shit smell in the toilet and general fart smells around the house
• the sound of someone eating noisily every mealtime
• not having to hide any new purchases I make because of the sarcastic comments, even though the things were bought with my own money
• crap tv programmes blaring out all the time
• his bad mood for no discernable reason

I'll think of some more...

a) my husband
b) my husband
c) my husband's foul moods
d) my husband's boring work stories
e) my husband
f) my husband's appalling spelling
g) my husband's inability to open his post the same month it is received
h) my husband

Thé snoring, thé giving our hard earned money to his family, the depression, thé refusal to do anything about the depression, thé temper

The snoring
The long ‘chats’ about how he is right about absolutely everything
Him being here
Sunday’s (he always cook a big full english whether you wanted it or not and then a big roast dinner. Sunday was me sitting around waiting for it all to be over)
Leaving stuff everywhere
Him ‘tidying’ up by chucking everything away (I used to hide bin bags in my car to retrieve stuff)

Obviously I don’t have the excitement of the will he/won’t he come home from work on Friday night anymore, but on balance it’s all good.

Not constantly having to tidy up after him. Not being sworn at when he is drunk (though i still get it by text). Not constantly being overdrawn because he spent all our money on booze (not been overdrawn in more than three years now!). Not being on edge and wondering when he was going to start bitching and yelling again. Being able to go on holiday or even out for the day, and not having a huge drama immediately before going out, spoiling everything. Being able to go out for dinner with friends without him making himself the centre of attention. Not having to go out to collect him from random A&E departments due to drinking or "suicide" attempts. Not having to watch sodding sport on tv ALL THE F#$&ING TIME.

Oh my god, that felt cathartic.

-The deception and gambling. We could have paid off our mortgage twice over by now but instead we were begging family for a few hundred here and there to live
-The temper
-The controlling through stonewalling but presenting himself as a really reasonable person making me doubt my judgement
The gaslighting see above
The verbal abuse and insults
His stupid put upon face when asked about any of the above!

Sorry it’s all still very raw

Oooh I love this thread!

Ok:

1. What an awful husband he is
2. What an awful father he is
3. His obsession with work 7/7
4. His huffing, puffing & sighing
5. Him eating the skin from his feet
6. Him plucking & eating the hairs from his nose
7. The constant criticism
8. Rudeness to my friends
9. Swearing
10. So many other things!

The sulking
The feeling I had to apologize for doing anything for myself
The walking on eggshells
The mood swings
The endless compromises re furniture/decor
The cast offs from certain members of his family that we weren't allowed to refuse or get rid of
...but most of all...
my (thankfully ex) MIL

Shame about FIL though...lovely bloke.

The moods, the faces he pulled at me for daring to say something he deemed stupid, never knowing if he would be home or not, feeling nervous of saying or doing the wrong thing, the snoring so loud I slept downstairs (could still hear it through the ceiling) his shitty sister making constant snide comments. It’s been nothing but good times since I left

1). Not having endless lists of what is wrong with me
2) not being forced to be the daughter she never had to his mother (horrible woman)
3) no more passive aggressive comments when deemed to do something he didn't want me to do
4) listening to him drawing on a fucking stupid vape
4) listening to him hate everything outside of his tiny little world (him & mil)

Being able to go on holiday or even out for the day, and not having a huge drama immediately before going out, spoiling everything.
Yes, I'll Add this to my list and also add being late for everything because of all the stalling and faffing about
helping himself to money from my purse and not telling me or replacing it.

The racist comments
The constant criticism of others
The mess and clutter he leaves everywhere
His lack of housework
The way he shouts at the dogs
His constant playing of classical music at full volume
Skid marks and worse in the toilet

1. Having to justify putting ourselves out in any way for the dc. Examples bring taking them to swimming lessons/nursery/parties you get the idea. I've been a single parent for 7 years the dds are 6 and 9. I couldn't be prouder of them they are the most polite, hard working and accomplished little girls. I've put a huge amount of effort into them. Not a second of my time was wasted. Also they know I put them first and I'm glad they do.

1. Everything you all said bit mostly the toilet habits!

The moods
His inability to sit on the sofa (he always laid down)
The snoring
The sniping
The gambling whilst I was banned from spending on necessities
Cooking a full meal every single day, spending a fortune on food when I don't really eat a great deal and am very happy to have a sandwich as a main meal.
Him expecting the bathroom to be kept free every day on the off chance he would take a bath that day when his poor personal hygiene was a constant issue.
I am so glad to be rid of him.

Coercion/control -although he is still doing his best with that one
Gaslighting
Walking on eggshells
Vile moods

The constant blaming for our daughters autism
The always burying his head in the ground
His indecisiveness
The gambling
The lying
Pretending to be a knowledgeable rational human being
Pretending too be a politician MR know it all
The meaness in spirit never giving anything too anyone
The piggybacking
The laziness the idleness
The shouting
The mean spiritness
We still are in the same house I hate him
Oh yeah his body odour
I hate him

Ooh can I play as a bloke. What I miss

1. Having someone who I thought I could share my life with
2. Having a proper family for our son
3. Days out and some laughs

What I don't miss:

1. Being told what to do all the time
2. Having a dead weight around who refuses to get a job or pull their own weight
3. Being summarily abused and lied to and about to others
4. Having my stuff confiscated and hidden to try to start artificial arguments

I want to play too!

Things I will not miss:

-The smelliest shits this side of the Atlantic
-Calling me "cunt"
-A perpetual foul mode
-A crybaby mentality
-Disagreeing with me for no reason other than to play "devil's advocate" and to be a dick
-Seeing me in a good mood and shitting on it
-Knowing I have a passion for something and shitting on that
-Refusing to do anything that might help him
-Dismissing any suggestions I made to try and help him with his chronic back pain
-Leaving dirty candy wrappers and ice cream wrappers in the decorative baskets I had the house, as though they were rubbish bins
-Complaining he has PTSD because he went and earned a university degree
-Thinking the only housework required on his part was doing the dishes
-Forbidding me to discuss certain topics
-A lackluster attitude to everything
-Seeing my opinions as invalid and laughing at my opinions and beliefs
-Refusing to use his STEM degree to get a better job because of the PTSD mentioned above
-Bits of food in the couch cushions
-Lack of sexual desire
-Not having to, when we did have sex, look at someone who had the strangest look on their face while shagging, I just wanted to stop
-Never taking me out to dinner or having any kind of romantic night in or anything like that
-Punching walls and furniture
-Emotional, verbal and physical abuse
-Constant lies
-Paying online cam models money
-Telling me I take too long when food shopping

Felt great! Thanks for this.

Being belittled, constantly watching what I say, apologising for (genuinely) not hearing something and that being my fault. Having to 'read' the room before I speak. The snoring. Being woken up at 04.30 with the light going on if he had to work early, but being expected to have my stuff ready to be able to creep out quietly with.........feck. I am happier with everything now in my life!!!!!

@bringmeaginabdtonic I think our husband’s might be identical twins! Except yours did dishes?!!!! You lucky bitch!

Love this.
Wont miss the toe nail picking or nail biting and spitting the nails on the floor.
Awful smug smirk that he has adopted.
Small troll like stumpy legs sequeezed into skin tight skinny jeans nearing age 50...
His bad job of dying his hair
Bad teeth.
The list goes on.

1. Feeling like I've got a lazy teenager at home (minimal input to household, plays computer games constantly - at 47 - FFS!).
2. Filthy toilet habits ( as documented by others above).
3. The never-ending Black Hole of his depression.
4. The constant noise - must have sport or politics blaring out of TV or radio at all times.
5. The Mess - complete inability to tidy up agree himself. Total cliché, but his side of the room is a tip.
6. Having to ask him to do anything round the house . After 15 years of living together, it's unbelievable that he doesn't realise the laundry/dishwasher need done daily. Soul-destroying having to ask constantly.

What alittlebitdemented said.

Oh, and the chronic lateness plus inability to hold down a job.
Coming in from work & picking his feet in the en-suite.
The entitlement about playing golf at weekends when he contributes fuck all to family life during the week.
Sports bore.
Constantly seeking mummy's approval.
Selfish behaviour. Urgh.

lies
alcohol
dirty house
Calling my daughter an ungrateful bitch
Money problems
Being her slave
Listening to her slagging off her parents ( then blaming me in our divorce petition for her not being close)
The fcuking mother in law
Being moaned at for wanting to exercise