What don’t/won’t you miss?

[Misswontmissdontmiss]

Tomorrow my new life as a separated woman starts. Never in a million years did I think I’d be separating. One awful lapse of ethics/judgement on the part of STBXH finds me here.

It’s been a tough decision to move on and there’s plenty that I’ll miss. Ultimately I would not have been able to forgive him.

Therefore, I thought i’d start a thread to give some positivity to myself and other ladies in this position....

So let’s talk about what we won’t miss or, if already separated, what you don’t miss.

I won’t miss him putting things (hair, dead insects, bits of food) down the toilet and having the fright of my life when I go to use it.

I won’t miss feeling guilty about mid-week hobbies/drinks with friends (I always felt I was missing out on quality time with him).

I won’t miss his dreadful timekeeping.

I’ll add more if I think of more!

What I don't miss:

• The drinking
• The depression
• The refusal to do anything about either of the above and instead expecting to be 'rescued'
• The constant criticism of his DDs as they grew up and stopped being cute, compliant little 6-year-olds - the fact that nobody but nobody else saw the enormous faults he saw didn't register
• The snoring
• The utter lack of engagement in family life
• The complete lack of housework despite both of us working full time
• The walking on eggshells.

What I do miss:

Him, the way he was for the first 20 years of our relationship, before the booze and depression got him. Which is why I stayed - I hoped he'd come back.

thanks for the thread, its really made me value being on my own!
I wont miss
-the absence of any positive statement or compliment about me for the whole 12 years we were together
-inability to chat with family and friends meaning I always felt I had to try to contribute to the conversation for 2 people
-the passivity, never organising any outing or holidays
-the lies, that I only realised at the end had been going on a long time
-the joylessness
-the lack of sex and affection
-the snoring
-the smelly breath
-the long fingernails
-the body odour
He really sounds like a catch from this, what the hell was I thinking!!

I’m reading this thread and getting the impression that women are far more prepared to try harder to make things work

Is that because they stand to lose more if they divorce? Seem to remember posters on another thread saying that women are generally worse off after divorce.

Sounds like some of the posters had married the same person. Common theme throughout is;

Football. I am not interested in football
Motorsport. Not interested in that either
Snoring. I snore, but medical profession can't do anything about it
Not helping around the house. That's not good particularly if both partners are working.

My parents have been married 55 years and still happy. Father was always good around the house. Cooked evening meal as he was usually home first after work. Every Saturday morning the house was cleaned top to bottom. I had to help too.

Father liked football, but mother had her own TV too. Not sure if having two TV's is a good thing, but seemed to work out. Only thing he hated was shopping for food and clothes. So when I was at home I had to take mother to shops.

As long as father gets his pocket money from mother he is happy enough.

Believe me no man or should I say woman goes into a life long commitment to fuck it up,end it or leave it.
Im sure we all thought it would work women in general want to bring up the children with a helping partner thus staying for the children
Very rarely do you see a woman walking out on her children ,it happens but it’s rare.
I am glad it’s easier for the younger generation to step out of a marriage
Most of us born till around 60’s to late 60‘s. I Think Stuck the failures out longer thus lots of women divorcing in their 50s.
Gone are the days when women couldn’t earn or stand up for themselves.
If there is any advice I give it’s do something that brings in some money ,money is security it also gives a sense of well being and achievement.
Thank God I’m self sufficient my gosh what a disaster it would be not to be able to make life changing decisions due to the inability to afford legal advice.

Not helping around the house

Are these men supposed to help the woman? Because of course we all know keeping house is woman’s work.

If there is any advice I give it’s do something that brings in some money ,money is security it also gives a sense of well being and achievement

That was my Mother's policy. She made a career of her own and earned more than my father. However, in previous generations when families were large and having 5 children or more was common it was difficult for women to be anything other than housewife.

I'm willing to bet that kind, loving men fart as much as miserable, abusive gits. Once love has gone, you're left with an annoying flatmate who's every breath makes you want to scream.

His sour face sitting on the sofa opposite

I’m a guy and now understand better why I’m attractive to women, in a real, non-shallow sense.

I am clean and tidy, no mess here, and work hard inside and outside the house.

I will stand up for my wife without question, no fucker will mess with my wife!!

I keep fit and dress well.

I’m sexually open and adventurous.

She isn’t though, hence my presence here!

I just placed my post yesterday. Newly separated and terrified. Feeling lost actually and not here to say what I won't miss. But I am here for support.

@24yearslost I'm in the same boat as you

Won't miss used contact lenses everywhere
Won't miss ginger pubes in the bath
Won't miss socks and shoes left on the floor where they were taken off
Won't miss empty yoghurt pots left next to the seat

@Christian77 You said: I am sexually open and adventurous.

I can see why you’re getting divorced - I don’t think being “open” to others is part of the marriage contract! Your ex is well rid.

Dominating the telly.
Constantly playing on his phone
Not helping clean the four bathrooms, now it takes ten minutes to do one !
The moods.
The anti-socialness
Just coming in the door asking if there's any post not how I am.
Fussy eating wouldn't drink milk,eat cheese, onions, most veg.
This post is great !!!!

How do you get people to see your post? I'm looking to vhat and gain help but no one seems to see my post?

Dont miss: My possessions not being binned (I used to have to scavenge binbags too) and in fact the simple joy of things being where I left them! Also being guilted for sex, his unexpected huge purchases without discussion, being ignored, being lied about (the things he told people about me are still coming out... Just mind-blowing fantasy) his collection of flesh lights...

I do miss the way we would talk for hours in the car on any topic. I wish we could have remained friends. We only message about the children.

Ugh yes fussy eating. Wouldn't eat anything too 'exotic' but moaned about the limited dishes I cooked!

If I ever pluck up the courage to tell him I want a divorce, the things I won't miss are

the snoring

the drinking

the stupid faces he pulls

the constant asking if I'm having an affair

the constant moaning about his job but not doing anything about it

constantly having to tell him to put his hand over his mouth when he coughs

fed up of seeing his dirty undies on the floor directly in front of the laundry basket

him not putting his rubbish in the bin, leaving it on the counter instead

his constant asking who I'm working with when I do overtime, even though I've told him a hundred times

responding to my text and then asking if I'm in work, which he knows damn well I am!

There are probably loads more but this is a start

The stench of what he thought was weed but I was convinced that he was smoking horse shit.

The lies of pretending that he didn't get his annual holiday but could be found at home when we returned having BEEN given the time off.

The constant complaints of what my car should and shouldn't have as if I designed and built the fucking thing
The never ending pessimism telling the children that we were too poor for certain things.
Any holiday in the past he had been on with the family was the worst ever.

God, this is going to be VERY cathartic.

When he eventually moves out, I'm really not going to miss.

His drinking
His drinking
His drinking
His massive sense of entitlement
His belief that he can fuck off out to the pub practically every night
Feeling as if I have to beg for him to spend any evening time with me
The awful sex
The crap kissing
His awful moods
His lying in bed practically all day on the weekends
His fantasy world
He belief that he's more intelligent than me (I have the degrees, he failed...)
The fact he never picks any towels up and/or throws them in a crumpled heap onto the towel rail
His breath when he rolls over in bed (drinks/smokes/doesn't brush teeth = disgusting)
The swearing and name-calling
The rudeness and ranting
The black cloud the he creates that hangs over the whole house
The arguments that he always instigates before we go away/out for the day
The nasty comments he whispers to me when we're at family functions
His belief that he's perfect and that I don't ever do anything (whilst I've basically been a single parent for years whilst he loved an almost single life)
Him...

Yeah. That felt good. I'm making the right decision here. He just needs to LEAVE.

Oh. And him spending all our money on himself then claiming we can't afford things for the children

I've been on my own for a year as of this weekend. Things I don't miss:

Watching him getting ready for work in new suits I've paid for then leaving two hours earlier than normal
Listening yet again when he finds someone new at work to schmooze and talks about them constantly
The paranoia I felt when he started locking his phone and taking long walks at night to make calls
Feeling like I am next to nothing because he didn't want an intimate relationship with me
Him spending all of my money and accusing me of financial abuse when I refused to give him any more
Him shouting at our children to f* off because they interrupted him playing games on his phone

Ahhh that was cathartic !!

• never being called by my name by him

• his body hair everywhere

• having

To listen to 6 music all the time

• never being able to drive the car at weekends as he always has to drive
• him getting stuck in box junctions and then getting angry about it
• the lack of eye contact
• the lack of eye contact / connection during sexual
• the mechanical “ good “ sex
• being talked to like I was his naughty daughter
• being called “ unreasonable”

All the time

• him chewing

Nicotine gum for years

• him leaving nicotine gum in clumps everywhere

Love this thread apart from my earlier contribution this is how I feel as of today

Now things are going ahead despite his refusal to engage a lawyer
Fill in forms lie his sent them
Ignore every bit of correspondence from the lawyer
Looking stupid and lost zombie like as he know the end is near how I hate him making me spend spend spend unnecessarily