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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How do i get my boy back?

164 replies

Justmomma · 29/12/2018 21:30

Background: I had my son at 23 he is now 3 years and my hubby and I have recently seperated and definitely heading for divorce. When he was 2 we agreed that he would stay with his grandma for a year during the week because we both work long hours and childcare is expensive. He was to return and stay with us at age 3 when we get 30hours funding and can afford extra hours child care. We seperated a month to his birthday and ex has now moved to his mum and feels our son should stay there with them and i can see him twice a month over weekends. Help! What do i do? How do i get my son back?... also he is not the biological father and he is aware of this but he says it is his right. He is on the birth certificate because we were married when I had my son.

OP posts:
Santaissleepingoffmincepies · 29/12/2018 21:33

See a solicitor - get dna test and have his name removed from the bc. It's actually called a 'correction'..this will remove his parental responsibility automatically.
Apply to court for an emergency residency order ASAP.

calmsealife · 29/12/2018 21:33

You do realise that you have committed paternity fraud by putting him on the birth certificate?

Singlenotsingle · 29/12/2018 21:33

Wow! That's complicated. I think you're going to need professional legal help for this one. Sorry I can't help.

tablelegs · 29/12/2018 21:36

Surely this can't be real, you need legal advice op.

MynameisJune · 29/12/2018 21:38

Get legal advice, why the hell did you leave your child there after you’d split up? I wouldn’t have had that arrangement at all but each to their own.

Original poster
Justmomma · 29/12/2018 21:45

I’ve gotten in touch with the biological father and are planning to do a DNA test to correct the birth certificate.

I do not think it is fraud as there was no gain from it. He insisted to be stated on the birth certificate. What reason would i have not to given the circumstances.

I know the long term solution is legal help but is there no short term fix. Not having my 3 yr old is killing me. Its his birthday in 2 days and i’m not going to spend it with him.

OP posts:
calmsealife · 29/12/2018 21:47

No it is fraud because he isn't the biological father.

Original poster
Justmomma · 29/12/2018 21:47

We only split a month ago, i don’t have pre arranged childcare and have to go to work. I tried to get a nursery for him near our home but the ex won’t give me his childcare registration number. He deleted/took all the information

OP posts:
MynameisJune · 29/12/2018 21:48

With his name on the Birth cert he has parental responsibility like you do so I’m not sure there is anything you can do other than go around maybe with the bio Dad and demand they give him back. You could call the police non emergency line on 101 and see what they say.

howrudeforme · 29/12/2018 21:49

Did your ds stay overnights at gran’s? Does she live far away?

You really need legal advice as soon as you can.

Where is ds now?

Why can you see him only twice a month.

Im a bit concerned. I knew a woman who’s husband basically manipulated things to show he was the main carer before filing for divorce and full custody (nasty episode but she and the kids were ok in the end).Hope this isn’t what he’s being doing.

Have you got family nearby to support you?

greendale17 · 29/12/2018 21:49

Why on earth did you put him down as the biological father when he is not????

Prepare yourself, you are in for a long, long battle here

Original poster
Justmomma · 29/12/2018 21:49

Ok if it is fraud then obviously i did not realise but i’m hoping to get the bc corrected.

OP posts:
Orlande · 29/12/2018 21:52

I don't think it's fraud, doesn't the mother's husband automatically go on the birth certificate?

Original poster
Justmomma · 29/12/2018 21:54

Yes he stayed there mon-fri... we both work in london and live in the outskirts we out of the house for 12-14 hours a day. I have no family around me. I moved from home when i was 19. The closest family i have are in germany so no help there

OP posts:
janet80 · 29/12/2018 21:54

Poor child.

kansasmum · 29/12/2018 21:55

I have absolutely no idea of the legal side of things but can you not just and get your son? Your are his mum so surely have some rights. I’d be going round and just physically removing him. But then like I said no idea of legal ramifications.

Hwory · 29/12/2018 21:56

If you weren’t married when you had the baby and he knowingley signed the BC when he knew he wasn’t the father then it is considered paternity fraud.

But aside from that you will need to go to court to get your child back if your DH won’t give him back.

Or wait for contact and refuse to return.

janet80 · 29/12/2018 21:57

It’s only fraud if the named man you put down doesn’t know. Seeing as he did know, it’s not fraud.

rosieposey · 29/12/2018 21:58

Yes surely you can just remove him from the mothers house? You are his Mum!

Original poster
Justmomma · 29/12/2018 21:58

Well if i have no other choice i will just have to go and take him but i have to be prepared first. We also rent a house that I have to vacate in Feb so i’m not in the best position to just go grab him... is it really possible to take a 3yr old from their mother who has no issues whatsover?

OP posts:
howrudeforme · 29/12/2018 22:00

I think I’m less worried about the certificate for now but instead he is with your child at his mum’s and denying access. Do you have a good relationship with MIL. Is she just going along with what her son wants or she encouraging this.

No idea what a childcare registration is - and how dare he not provide you with it. Document everything that’s been going on.

Do you have friends nearby to offer support while you sort this out?

MynameisJune · 29/12/2018 22:01

You’ve kind of set a precedent though with giving him to the grandparent. At 5 days/nights a week she will be considered his primary career (I think). This is going to be messy to sort out. You really didn’t think this through sorry.

RandomMess · 29/12/2018 22:02

Regarding the birth certificate I went alone to register and they very clearly told me it was fraud to put down my DH is he wasn't the father...

MyDcAreMarvel · 29/12/2018 22:02

It’s not fraud as he was a “ child of the marriage”

Orlande · 29/12/2018 22:04

OK, well I think you need to be a little realistic. Courts will look at the best interests of the child, and usually that means as little disruption as possible.

Your child has had a stable set up for a year where he stays with grandma in the week and visits you at the weekend. Is it not possible to maintain that?

Radically changing your son's living arrangements when your housing situation isn't stable might not be in his best interests.