My struggles are well documented on here and by default my kids - I am blubbing right now -the damage this has done to all of us goes far beyond what I can put into words.
My Ds has always been "challenging" I put this in commas as it's not really him that's challenging it's how we as adults deal with the behaviour - when kids don't "conform" to our expectations we say there must be something wrong with them - we put them on drugs to curb their behaviour one minute and then when they put themselves on drugs in late life we still question this! WTF are we doing to them!
My Ds has so many unexplored emotions going through him - yet he is trying to do his best - his best at home to help me - his best at school to achieve something of himself - his best that his father and myself too some extent have been too preoccupied or absent to see.
I struggle with MH - I have not been able to perform at my best for the last 4 years - dealing with an extremely acrimonious divorce - trying to maintain myself and the home as I was - trying to maintain my kids as they were and deserve.
My Ds tells me to keep out his room - he knows I get angry at the state of it - I have kept a wide berth because I have had too much pressure to deal with and have been choosing my battles.
I go in there this morning not to get angry but to help him _ his furniture is falling apart - he has stuff all over the place- it has not been dusted for god knows how long - clothes in piles on the floor - shoved under the bed. I find a plié of boxes - in these boxes are all the birthday presents I have bought him over the years - for the last 5 years or so I have got him something and it has been engraved - they are all there - it has made me blub-
he is going to school with holes in his shoes - he says he doesn't care -he is in a world where image matters - he spends ages on his hair etc - I can't remember the last time he asked me for something - I think he is down to one pair of jeans - we are not poor - but all he hears is me worrying about money as a result of being stitched up first by x and then by solicitors - he helps me cut the grass which I can see is at the expense of his own care for himself - he works one day at the weekend in a less than minimum wage job to get some money and the school is moaning at him that he is not doing the best of his ability -they have asked me what is he doing with his time at home ?
I can tell you what he is doing he is trying to survive - he is trying to survive in an environment( private school) that his DF wanted him to go to - why ? For his own ego? - he is trying to keep up with his peers emotionally and financially - after his DF bailed out due to his own inadequacies in himself!
I have seen displays around town for end of term "thank you teachers" I have lived with my school reports all my life "green beret could do better if she tried harder" no one knows what goes on at home - behind closed doors - we provide an image to the outside world that is acceptable - we are all doing fine!
I could post pictures on here that shows the real truth - no we are not doing fine - we are dragging ourselves along by our fingernails and hoping to Christ we will make it!
All people in so called positions of responsibility fuck us up - teachers parents and also in my case legal profession- why do we have to fucking thank them - kids are trying to teach us something - when are we going to wake up - I think I have just woken up today!