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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

so sad children have to live like this

125 replies

Pasithea · 22/07/2015 18:49

For a specific reason I spend 45 minutes in a McDonald's / garage. Car park on Friday evening.
during this time 4 cars pulled up and one or two children got out or where carried to another car with obviously the other parent in. Cases swapped , children swapped and off they went.

It must be so horrible to be passed over like this on a weekend , some where crying most just resigned. How can kids continue with clubs and friends etc when they spend weekends away with another parent.

OP posts:
swallowed · 22/07/2015 19:45

It's like some posters on this thread are actually trying to be really, really, really stupid Hmm

I see no problem with leaving a relationship which isn't working. I'm divorced myself and my exh makes my flesh crawl.

However, I do agree that it is sad if a couple can't even manage a half hearted smile and civil conversation when they meet, for the sake of the DC.

It's the hardest thing in the world to do but you really do have to put your own feelings aside when dealing with the ex and the kids.

Obviously this presumes both parents are willing to do the right thing for the sake of the kids. With the best will in the world you can't successfully co parent on your own (the clue is in the name)

ouryve · 22/07/2015 19:46

If I'd waited that long to have kids with dh we'd still be waiting. I'm nearly 46.

Fairylea · 22/07/2015 19:47

What a load of nonsense on this thread.

If you really think a child being passed between two parents to spend time with each of them is something to get sad about then you haven't lived.

Sure some children are unsettled by separation and divorce (been there got the t shirt from both sides, parent and child), but long term it's always better for the children to see their parents happy and not arguing with each other. Living with unhappy parents is hell.

PartyConfused · 22/07/2015 19:50

singsong you have no idea do you. I was with my stbxh 10 years before we married. We lived together, had a house together. Dc soon after marriage. 7 years into oue marriage and a few months after dc2 is born, he is having an affair. I used to think I knew him better than himself. I certainly had taken the time to know him. Really hope you're not in my shoes in 3 years time.

viviene again someone who hasn't a clue. I think what you meant is that people should take more time over their relationship to try and stay together after dc.

PotentialGravity · 22/07/2015 19:50

My partner raped me Vivienne. But I should have stayed because we had children? Right. Thanks for staggering insight.

When my ex has the kids, we exchange in a fastfood carpark. Not ideal I agree but the court has ordered (for my safety) that drop offs should be in a public place and on neutral ground. Still, nice to know that the OP might have been sitting there judging me and my kids and mourning their 'horrible' existence, eh?

SillyOldElfBackToYourself · 22/07/2015 19:51

I had an ex who used to do this with his ex wife.
They used to meet in a carpark at the services park a few spaces away from each other and the dc would get out of one car with their bags and in to the other.
Xbf and his Xw never got out or spoke.
thankfully for everyone they thawed out a bit eventually and managed to be civil to each other.

PotentialGravity · 22/07/2015 19:52

Have you any idea how hard it it to smile and make civil conversation with your rapist as you hand over your adored kids EOW, swallowed? No I don't suppose you have. Lucky you.

swallowed · 22/07/2015 19:54

Oh well I'm the classic who leapt into a relationship with someone I'd known two minutes and got pregnant. I was married 8 months SmileSmile

So my DS has divorced parents? So fucking what? He's loved and has a great life. He sees his dad regularly. We have a ball.

And I couldnt care less what some nasty busybody in McDonalds thinks about our handover routine!

swallowed · 22/07/2015 19:55

Potential yeah I have some small idea. Which is why I said it's hard as fuck.

If your kid has contact with them though, you have to do it. Unfortunately.

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 22/07/2015 19:56

We frequently hand our DDs over to my mum in the carpark of John Lewis when they go to stay with her, because she's too posh for McDs. Grin

OP, it's a shame you happened to see some unhappy children being handed over. But it's just as likely that the children were just tired after a long day than "sad" or "resigned".

And for any one sad child you saw, there are probably many more who happily swap between their two homes, where they know they are safe, loved and wanted by each of their parents.

PotentialGravity · 22/07/2015 19:59

Sorry swallowed that was rude of me. Apologies. Hand to hand the kids over for a week today so I'm having a bit of a wobble.

PotentialGravity · 22/07/2015 19:59

*Had to hand

FortyCoats · 22/07/2015 20:00

What a load of narrow-minded, ignorant bolloxology all in the one thread!

Biscuit
swallowed · 22/07/2015 20:02

Urgh horrible, poor you. Luckily DS is still smallish and even exh doesn't think he can cope with more than a night so I haven't had to face it so far.

Hardest thing in a split - realising that your baseline for your kids has to go from "are they healthy, happy, loved, supported and nurtured?" to "are they physically safe?".

Being physically safe becomes literally the maximum you can hope for for your precious babies. Anything beyond being safe is an unexpected bonus.

Sorry! Wine For you.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/07/2015 20:03

Just pray you are never in that situation then OP, through no fault of your own. Wondering why you have put this in divorce/separation other than to cause a row?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/07/2015 20:05

And Singsong and vivienne. Lets hope you never have to, eh?

StonedGalah · 22/07/2015 20:10

I agree OP. In a car park like that seems horrible. That's how my dsis used to have to do it as her xH was such a twat. Still always felt bad for my niece and nephews.

She shouldn't have had dc with him and she knows that. But then she wouldn't have her dc.

swallowed · 22/07/2015 20:11

Stupidest thing I ever did was get pg by exh.

And the best.

Meh. You can't legislate for these things...

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 22/07/2015 20:11

And stoned .

swallowed · 22/07/2015 20:12

I must have been stoned GrinWinkGrin

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/07/2015 20:20

I can just about manage a civil conversation with my ExH, but probably seem very flat to observer.
I can not forgive him for

  1. allowing my DD to be verbally abused repeatedly by his gf
  2. for Drink driving with DD in the car
  3. for choosing gf and her DD over ours every time

I know it is important DD has a relationship, but the only way to control myself is to be flat and blank.

Walk a Mike in my shoes before you judge.

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/07/2015 20:21

That would be a mile damn auto correct.

motherinferior · 22/07/2015 20:25

If I'd waited 13 years before getting pregnant I'd have been 50.

Viviennemary · 22/07/2015 20:27

Of course I didn't mean in cases of domestic violence and abuse. I just think it's sad that tiny children who have two loving parents have to be passed around because these parents 'don't get on' any more. People have to make an effort to get on once they have had children. And men having affairs. I thoroughly disapprove of that and have had a couple of friends who have been left by these cheats.

swallowed · 22/07/2015 20:29

So Vivienne people should try harder and it's tragic for the kids...

Unless

He is a twat and left
There's domestic violence
....

So actually you can see that your original sweeping statement was stupid and wrong?

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