Have been told this is going to be a complicated divorce

[2sugarsandadog]

In a nutshell:

Married 17 years, 2 dds 15 & 16. Controlling (in every way he can), bullying husband - only speaks to me when he has to or wants to put me down (no goodbye/hellos even)

Three years ago I spent a month getting alcohol treatment. Paid for it myself.

Never been given any money by H - if he's shopping and I ask (eg) for a deodorant he'll ask me for the money for it. Although he does pay utility bills and has taken me along on family holidays.

Two years before I met H, my father died. My sister and I used the money to buy the houses we're in now (so they're solely in our respective names) BUT also were able to invest in two properties for which we both get a very modest rental income.

I am 49 and H is 77.

When I asked him for a divorce before Christmas, he told me he wants half of everything. When I asked 'What, half of this house?' he replied 'No, half of all your assets'. Which will mean selling not only the house we're living in but also the property I share ownership of with my sister. Because, he said, he wants the money so he can leave it to the girls - he said that I would spend it. The reason he says this is I had - many years ago - managed to put away £4k each in an account for the children. But when it became clear I needed alcohol treatment I put that money towards my recovery. Which I believed at the time was the right thing to do.

My question is this. Is it right, that I should go ahead, given that I would have to sell the flat that my sister gets a small income from (thereby ruining both her income and her children's inheritance) which is what he's going to make me do. I'd also have to sell the house I get a small income from although that doesn't make me feel as bad because it's only me and my children that will affect (although I don't have a pension and haven't even accrued enough for a a state one). Is that fair? Or should I stay with him?

DDs are unhappy (one is anorexic) and I know they would rather we divorce. But I can't help thinking it's desperately unfair on my sister. As an aside, I watched as both my parents nearly killed themselves making that money, and worry as my mum will see half of it go to him. He has two children from a previous marriage (my age) who don't have children of their own.

What's the right, fair and moral thing for me to do? dd1 can't wait but when I told my sister last night I was going ahead with it her reaction 'So I'll have to sell the flat?' made me question if I should just stay with him to protect her interests.

I do find your solicitor's advice odd. I went through quite a messy divorce last year & was never asked to consult a barrister for an extra £1 k. That suggests to me that your solicitor is not sure of himself.
Asset splits under Form E are assessed by the courts & take in a number of factors, so don't assume 50:50. In filling out the Form E your solicitor will help advise you as to how to present matters so that you get a fair share. Ultimately the judge will decide the asset split & they are pretty good at spotting a H's hiding of assets. I would urge you to meet with some other solicitors & find one you are happy with. I actually asked on mums net who advised me to look at a website )& I contacted a couple & found one I really trusted. I also think you will come out much better financially than you are now thinking. Good luck!

Moanranger just because it didn't happen to you doesn't make it odd... my H has also sought Counsel's advice during our divorce (in our case because of a particular tax issue). It's not that unusual from what I've heard.

I don't think it is odd. This particular case is complicated by the discrepancy in ages, the fact that one party is retired, the other is the main carer of children and because money in the children's savings originated from a parent rather than someone else.