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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

Two years after separation and I'm still wiping his arse for him

35 replies

Shenton · 30/09/2014 14:27

Feels like this will never end ... Please tell me it gets better

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AcrossthePond55 · 05/10/2014 18:41

Makes sense not to want to disrupt the children's support system.

Ha! Staying at your house. Ha ha! Amazing how they just think 'Right, I'll just do THIS' without a thought that you'll go 'Not only no, but HELL NO!!'.

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Shenton · 06/10/2014 00:17

He thought he would not have to pay child support for the 3 weeks per year he looks after then too ... Er

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AcrossthePond55 · 08/10/2014 13:42

I think that's pretty typical. BFF's ex was the same. Deducted stuff he bought whilst their son was with him from the next month's cheque. Wankers!!

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Shenton · 09/10/2014 13:01

Beggars belief it really does, I cannot wait until I can just go through the CSA then he can explain this shite to them and see if they have any sympathy

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Miggsie · 09/10/2014 13:03

After 2 years separate you can apply for formal legal separation and he can't contest it.

Otherwise you are effectively not separated at all.

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AcrossthePond55 · 10/10/2014 16:40

Can't you do that now? If you are in the States, you can get a stand alone support order without filing for divorce or legal separation. At least in most states you can. You can also get a divorce without his cooperation if he refuses to return the paperwork. My ex refused to sign anything. I had proof of service, a court date was set, he didn't show up. He was considered to have 'defaulted' and divorce was granted.

You haven't confirmed where you are (and I'm not asking!) but if you are in the States, look into divorce 'bifurcation'. Allows the termination of the marriage to proceed and any financials are decided at a later date. Also look into the separate support order.

If you're not in the States, I'm at a loss!

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Shenton · 11/10/2014 06:05

No I need to be married to him to get a visa ... He's currently on mine ... Then as soon as I have the visa I can divorce him ... The end is in sight but gee it's hard some days

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AcrossthePond55 · 11/10/2014 20:03

Not sure I understand, but you don't need to explain if you don't want. You don't have a visa, but he's on yours?

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Shenton · 12/10/2014 15:43

I have temporary residency but can't get permanent, he is therefore on my temporary visa. He can get permanent but it's another 4/5 months away, well if he keeps his job. There is a tipping point though, if it's not forthcoming in the next 4/5 months I will divorce him no matter what

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AcrossthePond55 · 12/10/2014 17:14

OK, got it! Yes, it does sound like you are a bit 'stuck with him' if you can't get permanent on your own.

I used to work in a job that entailed involvement with INS categories for certification for programs that we administered. I've been retired for a few years so my info may be out of date but there used to be a 'thing' about 'spouse residing in the marital home' as far as getting a green card based on marital relationship. It had to do with 'green card marriages'. If you haven't, you may want to check up on that. I'm assuming your children weren't born here, so no help there. There is an admissions category regarding 'fleeing domestic violence' if that's applicable, but I don't know much about it as it came in just as I was retiring.

You probably have an immigration attorney, so you may already know about all this.