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Dementia and Alzheimer's

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Original poster

My dad is dying, sit with me?

115 replies

SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 06/06/2019 19:52

Just that really, had another stroke, end of life care plan in place. Got him transferred back from hospital to the nursing home where his pain is being managed and he's comfortable.
He's fighting this every step of the way but is slowly deteriorating.

I'm here on vigil all night so I'd appreciate some company....

OP posts:
Kanga83 · 06/06/2019 23:22

We've just been there with this a few weeks ago with my grandma. Be warned it can go on for longer than you might think- with her it was four days including breathing and seeming to recover and then painlessly and comfortably she just passed. It's so hard watching someone you know go though this but believe me he will be comfortable and sleepy state. I asked for some paper and a traced her hand around it, i then traced mine inside it, then my children's in that. Anything to pass the time and remember the now and the then. Remember to keep hydrated yourself, those places get very hot, try get some rest too, easier said than done. Thinking of you.

Original poster
SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 06/06/2019 23:23

I've got my mother asleep a few rooms away. She lives her too and also has dementia. She's taking it quite hard but can't retain what's going on so I have to keep explaining.

I said I'd wake her if anything changes, she needed to sleep. She looked exhausted by 10 bless her....

OP posts:
ItsInTheSpoon · 06/06/2019 23:23

Ah love, you’re doing a lovely thing... sending you a hug and much love for you and your lovely dad x

petiteonion · 06/06/2019 23:24

Thinking of you for the coming hours and days.

QOD · 06/06/2019 23:30

How lovely that you got to tell him

I managed to do this with my grandma - it’s very soothing

Big hugs and try and rest and hold his hand

QOD · 06/06/2019 23:33

Re mum. Don’t worry too
Much about re explaining
My FIL died when MIL was deep in dementia. Dh and his siblings kept telling her day after day that he’d died. It was awful for her. For a couple of
Minutes and then she’d forget.
Remember she CANNOT remember. Be kind to yourself
Mil didn’t know he was dead when she died 7 months later

BalloonDinosaur · 06/06/2019 23:33

So sorry OP, my dad had dementia and was in a home. He also rallied quite a few times before he died, I hope it's not too drawn out for you, and him.

Do whatever you need to, and make sure you're looking after yourself, eat, drink etc.

I'm up all night so will keep checking in. Thinking of you Thanks

Original poster
SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 06/06/2019 23:37

@QOD dementia is a total bastard isn't it?

OP posts:
TemporaryPermanent · 06/06/2019 23:42

Just another message in the early night. Thinking of you both.

Giraffey1 · 06/06/2019 23:45

That’s tough, having to worry about your lovely mum, too. It sounds like she needs to sleep and get rested. There’s no point in waking her and having to repeat things all the time. I expect the care staff can help reassure her x

Holibobsing · 06/06/2019 23:47

God love you both xx

Original poster
SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 06/06/2019 23:48

@Giraffey1 me and the care home team agreed that's what we'd do if he took a turn for the worse in the night. Just felt morally it was the right thing to do, they've been inseparable for nearly 60 years.

OP posts:
NightOwl101 · 06/06/2019 23:49

It's sounds like your mum and dad are both very lucky to have you OP

QueenieMum · 06/06/2019 23:57

I couldn't read and run. Will be thinking of you, you sound an amazing support to both your parents ThanksThanks

Bunnylady53 · 06/06/2019 23:57

I love my Dad so much & can’t imagine what you’re going through right now but sending hugs to you & your Mum, OP. For the last couple of years I’ve just kept thinking that there isn’t much time left ( my parents are 79 & 81), instead of enjoying that time. I hate myself for it because my Dad is really fit & Mum has “ Parkinsonism” but is doing ok.

Original poster
SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 07/06/2019 00:06

@Bunnylady53 I truly feel for you and know what you're going through. I spent the last few years (even when my parents were still living at home) just worrying. About everything: their gradual decline, how much work the house needed, what was likely to go wrong. It takes it out of you.

OP posts:
Original poster
SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 07/06/2019 00:23

Dads just passed away. Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate it

OP posts:
BalloonDinosaur · 07/06/2019 00:26

@SheSnapsThenSheFarts I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself. Is there anyone with you?

PotatoBreadsticks · 07/06/2019 00:28

Im so sorry for you, I can't imagine what it's like Flowers

isamonster · 07/06/2019 00:33

Sending you and your mum lots of love. I know how hard this is. I'm sure he knew he was loved and supported right to the end.

Original poster
SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 07/06/2019 00:34

No I'm just here with the night team. Trying to help mum through it, she held his hand whilst he took his last breaths. It was so peaceful, I think it was as good as it could have been.

OP posts:
isamonster · 07/06/2019 00:43

Good that it was peaceful. My sincere condolences. However bad things are for them none of us is ever ready to lose a parent. I'm glad for you that you're there to support him and your mum. You're in my thoughts for everything to come.

noodledoodler · 07/06/2019 00:45

Just picked up on your thread OP, very sorry for your loss. Thinking about you and your mum tonight.

123rd · 07/06/2019 00:47

I'm sorry for your loss

redastherose · 07/06/2019 00:50

Sorry for your loss, Thanks

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