Long story short… I have 3 children with 2 mums. I am currently going through a divorce and dealing with the consequences of that from the mother of my eldest 2, who are both in primary school. Whilst they know they have a half sister, who is under 1, they are yet to meet. The arrival of my youngest has played a big part in the marriage breakdown but I could not abandon the baby, and am doing everything I can to rebuild my life with my 3 kids at the centre of it. But bringing them together is hard for many reasons, but it’s where I need to get to, to not have 2 families - should I put timelines on it, should I push forward as soon as possible, should I delay? Thoughts welcome on quite a unique situation. And yes I know I’ve f*ckd up so no lectures needed! Thanks in advance.
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Lesina · 09/08/2023 23:30
I think the bringing together of the children needs to be driven by the respective childrens mother. It’s not something you can force and whether you like it or not, you have two families. It happens, people survive but you can’t force it.
eja1070 · 09/08/2023 23:38
Sorry if it’s not clear. First time I’ve posted and it’s complex. Yes the baby was outside of marriage but I have contact with all 3 and at the moment I am seeing them independently. My eldest 2 are aware, but the mum is understandably angry towards the baby. The mum of which is happy for her to know her half sisters but also knows it may take time. The pressure to bring them together is from me, so I’m just looking for advice on how to approach it going forward as sensitively as possible.
eja1070 · 09/08/2023 23:42
I have moved out of the family home, am going through divorce, paying maintenance to all and having contact with my eldest 2 at a separate time to my youngest 1. I take the blame as I put in my OP. The ask was the best way to do it sensibly as the ultimate goal is that they know each other whilst they are young and not as adults. As whilst it may be hard I believe it can work for everyone
ConnieTucker · 09/08/2023 23:49
And honestly, it isnt at all complex. You had an affair. Without contraception. Got someone pregnant. Now have three children to support. It honestly isnt at all complex or unusual.
the children are all young and adaptable.
there is no reason at all why you cant just start having them all at the same time.
so shy arent you?
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favouriteyellowsocks · 09/08/2023 23:49
It sounds like this is all quite fresh.. if my husband had a baby with someone else I would not feel comfortable with my children playing happy families for a long time.
Not until you have your own accommodation and had shown your commitment to having the children regularly and reliably.
They must be seriously confused at the moment. Give it some time to settle
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/08/2023 23:51
And are you now in relationship with mum of baby 3 or just coparenting?
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