Son’s mother telling him he is ill when he’s not

[Dylan222]

My 12 year old sons mother has told him that he has ADHD and is that he is Autistic, her parents have also told him.

However he does not have ADHD and is not Autistic. It looks to be a type of child abuse called Fabricated Illness by Proxy. I have been working with his GP to get Social Services involved, his mother has been falsely stating to people for the last few years that my son has these conditions, however this week was the first time she has told him.

Any advice please on how I should approach it with my son? I have explained the situation as clearly as I can to him and confirmed that he does not have ADHD or Autism, but I don’t know whether to talk about it with him more or just let him come to me if he is worried about it.

Thank you

Yes, on another thread if you AS.

Yep, it has been very complicated which I why I attempted to keep the original post simple.

You don’t need a diagnosis for DLA, but your DS has one.

Complicated? Is that what we're calling it?

So how do you get it? There must be some checks in place.

The ex had a non molestation order against the OP for domestic abuse (its another thread)

They also reported the doctor who diagnosed the child with autism, because they thought it was a fraud but it looks like that's come to nothing (unsuprisingly)

Then there was an NHS investigation into the mother for munchausens, but now apparently he wants her investigated for Fil

He reported the mother to social services because the son wouldn't leave the house to get his hair cut or have it cut in the house and that meant she must be neglecting him (not because the son has autism and is uncomfortable with hair cuts)

The OP keeps claiming SS are involved as if that's because the ex is abusive, as opposed to them being involved because he was abusive

Meanwhile he is using any agency possible to discredit the mother. Despite the fact she has a formal diagnosis that the NHS and the government (for carers allowance if that's true) both agree with

He certainly sounds like he is continuing his campaign of domestic abuse

In regards to the false diagnosis, his mother took him to a private doctor. The doctor diagnosed him on false information his mother provided,

This is from your other thread @Dylan222 you clearly state that he was diagnosed.

Just is right it's based on need rather than diagnosis.

You need medical and/ or other evidence of that need.

Unless there is evidence you can't claim DLA but there doesn't have to be a diagnosis as such.

Schools often claim that a child is "fine" and does not have such conditions and turn out to be completely wrong. They did this with my children. How much do you know about these conditions? Why are you convinced they don't have them and why does their mother believe they do? Have they been assessed?

It's not complicated

You are an abusive man continuing a campaign of abuse

Thank you

It is based on needs. You need evidence but a diagnosis isn’t required.

If you lot are going to lay into the op about his previous posts can you at least get your stories straight.

Op was applying for a NON MOL order against his ex, not the other way round.

I can see why you might think that but that is not the case.

He reported the mother to social services because the son wouldn't leave the house to get his hair cut or have it cut in the house and that meant she must be neglecting him (not because the son has autism and is uncomfortable with hair cuts)

That's terrible.

All of this is terrible.

Complicated?
One minute you are saying you were pushing for a private assessment, that mother refused. Then you are saying she took him for a private assessment. With a doctor that you say didn't follow DSM-5 guidelines. But you also say that the nhs assesment hasnt been done, has "failed". How has the application to get the nhs assesment done failed?

If you read OP’s previous thread about vaping you will see there was a non-molestation order granted against the OP.

Hmmmm... sounds like she doesn't understand the spectrum, or masking. What specifically is it that he does that she thinks it incompatible with being autistic?

I'm not saying he is, of course. Just that your certainty that he isn't may be misplaced, if it's based on what a SENCO says. Many of them - amazingly - seem to know very little about autism at all. It's very common for a child only to show their true selves to their primary carer. You will only really know if he is assessed.

@Dylan222 I wish you all the best, hopefully you get all this resolved, unfortunately you will not get much support on here. good luck!

I did, at the time I thought I had received a diagnosis, as his mother with informing people he had been diagnosed. Subsequently the private doctor has stated that his mother applied for an ‘opinion’ only, not a diagnosis, and that she ‘did not diagnose’ him. Given that she did not see or speak to him during the assessment, that makes sense that she provided only an opinion of him and not a diagnosis.

He may have applied for a non mol against his ex, it wouldn't suprise me he's throwing everything else against her

But the non mol that he himself admits got granted is the one against his for domestic abuse

Thank you, it is useful to talk about it either way, but I will have to stop as there are over 200 messages!

Taking your post on face value - I would explain to your son that he is fine, and that his mother has mental health issues.
I would also look into getting custody of the child.

I can't understand what needs the mum can have put on the DLA allegation form, if the school have not observed any needs.

There have obviously been other observations, maybe an Occupational Therapist or SALT.

Needs are not only assessed in school which is fortunate as so many of them claim children are fine when they most definitely are not.