Son’s mother telling him he is ill when he’s not

[Dylan222]

My 12 year old sons mother has told him that he has ADHD and is that he is Autistic, her parents have also told him.

However he does not have ADHD and is not Autistic. It looks to be a type of child abuse called Fabricated Illness by Proxy. I have been working with his GP to get Social Services involved, his mother has been falsely stating to people for the last few years that my son has these conditions, however this week was the first time she has told him.

Any advice please on how I should approach it with my son? I have explained the situation as clearly as I can to him and confirmed that he does not have ADHD or Autism, but I don’t know whether to talk about it with him more or just let him come to me if he is worried about it.

Thank you

No, ADOS, or any other diagnostic test, isn’t required in order to apply for DLA.

ADOS is not assessed via the parents’ word, it isn’t that sort of test. It takes places F2F. During the early parts of lockdown it was conducted virtually, then BOSA was developed to be used virtually.

@SharonKaren

You don't specifically need an ADOS to claim DLA, just evidence of the child's needs in the form of reports, observations and letters about the child.

Regarding the ADOS it would be highly unusual for it to be carried out without the child present. The PP whose child was in hospital is an exception not the rule.

simplespectrumsupplement.com/blogs/news/what-is-ados-autism-test-and-how-does-it-work

This page is quite a good explanation of the ADOS.

You might have had an autism assessment, but you didn’t have an ADOS test. ADOS looks at how the individual behaves/communicates/interacts during a series of tasks. It can’t be done without the person’s involvement.

Yes I think he was done as an exceptional case in hospital that's why a specialist team was needed. He had catatonia at the time so unable to talk, move or write.

Actually I am sure this is right.

It is possible to be diagnosed without an ADOS.

They’re clearly a bit stupid if they don’t realise you’re paraphrasing in order to sum up the information given by the OP 🙄

No The OP has said that the child was observed, his issues seem to be that it was only once and it wasn't by the doctor who provided the diagnosis/opinion

But according to others experiences on this thread, with autism diagnosis being multi disciplinary it is not that unusual for the person doing the observing to not be the doctor writing the final letter/diagnosis etc

I can't manage to find anyone who will provide an 'opinion' only on autism. I think it's more likely that the doctor has written along the lines of 'in my opinon/in our opinion' and the OP is taking it that that is something different to a diagnosis. But doctors are a bit like solicitors with a sometimes slightly formalised, standardised approach to how they word things and too much weight may be being given to the actual wording.

It's also worth noting again that the OP reported the Doctor to their governing body last October but nothing seems to have come from that and the NHS are happy to accept this opinion/diagnosis so it would appear everyone medically qualified is in agreement.

I checked and it says assessments administered: ADI-R, general observations on the ward and previous observations from school

So he didn’t have the ADOS. The ADI-R is different? It isn’t possible to do the ADOS without the person’s involvement.

Sorry Silkie, my last post shouldn’t have had a question mark, just a full stop.

Also just because the doctor wasn’t present in the room during the ADOS doesn’t mean they weren’t part of the test. Sometimes there is another HCP watching via CCTV or a one way window.

Guess that makes you a bit stupid too, as it appears that @ZeroFuchsGiven was quoting the OP's statement on another thread, rather than paraphrasing.

The normal MN etiquette - as @ZeroFuchsGiven would surely know after 15 years on the site - would be to include a link to the other thread, or at the very least make it clear that they were quoting the OP.

I have apologised for the misunderstanding but it's hardly surprising that people read it like that, given that the statement was presented in the first person without any further commentary.

hmm, ok so ADOS is not a prerequisite to DLA but some sort of medically informed opinion is. This opinion does not have to be a full diagnosis. And some say tests/assessments, whatever we call them, can be done without the child being present. Some say school report would be needed, but the OP said the school does not agree there is ADHD/Autism. OP also said the child wasn't seen. So according to this, it is actually possible that the OP isn't lying, the child was not seen, and the mother may have bent the truth or simply lied. It is also possible that the OP is not aware of what actually happened. Yes perhaps the doctor was watching from a monitor (CIA style. anyway...)

Either way, OP you need to get to the bottom of the truth here - maybe as someone previous said the best way forward is to get a proper test where the child is seen and observed, to the extent you are happy with. Then you will be armed with facts. Then you can decide what to do next. Also, my sympathies that your ex wife has hit your child...it must feel helpless and horrible.

The ADOS-2 was completed after my son was met on a single occasion. Neither my sons school, his GP, his Early Helpworker (who he had at the time) or myself were spoken to as part of the assessment. The outcome of the ADOS-2 gave a score of 17, 9 indicating a high level of Autism.

In the same assessment it is recorded that my son showed not issues with verbal communication, no evidence of unusual sensory issues or complex hand or finger mannerisms, no evidence of ritualistic behaviour and no echolalia.

I can't manage to find anyone who will provide an 'opinion' only on autism. I think it's more likely that the doctor has written along the lines of 'in my opinon/in our opinion' and the OP is taking it that that is something different to a diagnosis. But doctors are a bit like solicitors with a sometimes slightly formalised, standardised approach to how they word things and too much weight may be being given to the actual wording.

Yes my daughters diagnosis report is a bit like this. It's only clear it is a diagnosis from the heading on the report.

So he was seen OP, but you are not ok with the result because everyone else seems to think it is not the case. Ok, you do need to get a second opinion here, and involve everyone you deem appropriate. Hope you have budget for a private medical.

Some tests/assessments can be done without the child being present, but not the ADOS.

Schools are often asked for their opinion, but not always. Even when they are and they don’t see signs it doesn’t mean a diagnosis can’t be given.

If an ADOS was undertaken the child was seen.

Thank you, the doctor has confirmed that an ‘opinion’ was applied for by my sons mother and that they provided an opinion only. They have stated that they ‘did not diagnose’ my son

I think it is perfectly clear to those of us who have been through an assessment procedure with a child that there are, at the very least, massive inconsistencies in what OP is saying.

Certainly the evidence that the OP has given points to the OPs son being autistic not his wife fabricating illness.

Schools do not have to be involved in an OP assessment.

We keep telling the OP this, he keeps harping on about the school not being involved in ADOS. They NEVER would be.

They might provide a report in support, but didn't in the case of either of my children because they mask.

Have you seen actually seen the written report?

Thank you for the people that have given me constructive advice and constructive criticism, it has been very useful. I wasn’t aware that I can take my son for a private assessment without consent from the other parent, it isn’t the case with my local assessment centre. And interesting information about the ADOS-2. Thank you

Not sure if anyone else has replied to this, but here we go!

1. The op has explained that the child has been assessed using ADOS, maybe not by the paed, but by someone at the private clinic, and the results scored high, indicating autism. ADOS involves the child, parents aren’t allowed in the room. Also, the NHS has accepted this diagnosis, which they won’t do without checking the credentials of the assessor.
2. Benefit fraud - in order to claim DLA (or indeed PIP once over 16) you need significant evidence to support what you’re saying. You can’t get DLA just because the mother writes down lies, and vanishingly few professionals would put their name to the evidence required if it wasn’t true.
3. As the op’s posts appear to be deliberately misleading, vague and contradictory, I think anything he says should be taken with a large pinch of salt.
4. Enough of us have been through the process of diagnosing and attempting to secure help for our dc to recognise obstruction when we see it. In reality none of us knows the OP, all we can do is make our judgement from his posts, but there is a recognisable pattern here that’s standing out to many of us. Nothing to do with his sex, everything to do with point 3.
5. I agree wholeheartedly with whoever said pages ago that it appears this man is using the system to continue to abuse his ex.
6. If he really was prioritising his son here he wouldn’t be trying so hard to discredit the mother. He would be working to make things good for his son. In this case it appears that the main aim is to prove the mother wrong, without caring that in the process he is making things far worse for the boy.

Excellent post!

Yes every single word of this.

Regarding point 6.

I find it astonishing the lengths to which the OP has tried to discredit the result of the ADOS assessment.

If the OP had the child's best interests at heart he would look at that report and see it is a clear indicator of autism. If he wanted a second opinion fair enough but he doesn't have much interest in that. It is all about trying to accuse the mother of FII

I hope he get's it handed to him to be honest. She isn't fabricating anything. He's putting obstacles in the way of getting his son the appropriate support and is putting his child through harm by making such accusations.

I would speak to your DS that he would need to be assessed by a doctor to receive a diagnosis or either ADHD of ASD, and that usually parents don’t have enough medical training to make that diagnosis. As much as his DM can’t diagnose him, neither can you say unequivocally that he doesn’t have these conditions, because neither are you a doctor. What does his GP say about it?

Well when I wrote that I thought I'd read all the posts from the op, but hadn't understood that the child was seen. There were a lot of aggressive posts against the OP, so it felt appropriate to write a balanced opinion. Hence my follow on queries about whether the dc was actually seen, what actually is involved the application to DLA etc. Now I am more informed. As you said, none of us know the OP, and we shouldn't be jumping to conclusions here. You can see here that there is differing experience on what constitutes an assessment, whether a child is seen or school spoken to during the assessment etc. As someone who has not been through this process, neither has the OP, it is normal to be confused. For example, I'd have assumed a formal diagnosis would be necessary to apply for benefits. Apparently not. If that was the case, I would for sure be reporting benefit fraud and be thinking there might have been incentive to get a diagnosis. I

Similarly, no-one can actually do an armchair diagnosis here. Some people have asked the OP whether his son fidgets or can pay attention or loses things, he said no. If he'd said yes, you'd have deemed diagnosis to be correct. But he can't win with that answer. Immediately after, others have come in and said, well he can still have ADHD. Which is true, but just goes to show that with these kinds of aggressive attacks no-one is helping anyone really. I don't know if OP is attacking his ex here, prioritising vengeance over his son, I am not sure I'd jump to this conclusion, his posts (haven't read any other thread) seem perfectly concerned about his son. One can be forgiven to be speaking about the ex in an annoyed manner, that is only human.

Regarding OP's question on getting a medical opinion without the other parent - given that the mother did, why shouldn't you be able to? Why don't you simply call a private clinic and ask?