Child benefit , it’s me again sorry!

[GregAdams]

Hello, 3 weeks ago I posted about child benefit. Basically I take care of my son 4 nights out of 7 . This arrangement had been going on since over 2 years now. My sons mother receives all benefits till this day. I received replies on here about applying for the child benefit, however I spoke to couple of people on forum ‘ dads with kids’ and as much as they sounded negative and scared of their exes ,they basically told me that I should stay under the radar and that HMRC child benefit people are going to do everything not to transfer this benefit only to keep it with the mother, they apparently are against men as the family law in general. They also told me that any silly excuse like my ex taking the child to doctors will most likely work against me. The thing is, child benefit website says whoever takes care of children for most days will get the benefit. I was planning to take my son to GP but he feels fine. I can’t really get record of me taking him to doctors as he doesn’t go more often than once or twice a year anyway. Should I wait for the need to go doctors first before applying? That might take some time though. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to apply and get rejected for some ridiculous reason and antagonising the situation at the same time. I just want to apply and get get it. I was confident after chatting on here first but then the guys from ‘Dads With Kids ‘ forum kinda put me off. My son is 7yo and I get school letters etc. I also go parents evenings. I’m sorry for rehashing this topic and I understand if I won’t get replies. I’m hoping to hear from someone who had similar situation ( a man maybe) or knows about another man who went through similar situation. I can only assume that if that was another woman applying for it ( second wife) things would have been better, maybe I’m wrong but those guys really put stuff in my head about system being so against men. Thank you.

Of course Greg sounds like you are having a really tough time of it. Can’t be easy at all. Have you talked to the mother about switching the entitlement for CB over to you ?

But this 20 gives you access to affordable housing which in London is impossible to get for single man
I don't think it is as smple as that

@Escargooooooo

It's £20 a week ish, isn't it.

I know there will be people along soon to claim this a life changing amount to put food on the table (and in 1% of cases it genuinely is). However being realistic, in that you are inherently likely to be in the 99% who can afford to eat etc, why is it so utterly important that you get this transferred over to yourself on the basis you have DS one night more?

If you've been starting multiple threads over this, why is it so important to you?

@Escargooooooo it could be £5 a week. The parent that has the child most of the time should be the one to claim CB, that’s literally what it says. If OP is entitled to £85 a month, whether that’s a life changing amount to put food on the table or not, why can’t he claim it? Why should it go to DCs mum when she doesn’t have him for the majority of the week? I’d love to hear your answer

@notheretoplay exactly as you say . The OP should be getting the CB and has the child most nights . It’s clear cut so HRMC should see that

@Cheekypeach

Can you even imagine the sexes being reversed

‘My kids dad has them 3 nights a week but insists upon all the benefits going to him’

I can only IMAGINE the responses on here

Honestly!!! OP has even posted on DADSNET and people are still giving sarky replies. Tbh more often than not, whenever a man comes on here the energy always shifts anyway

I don’t speak to the mother. She got pregnant and told me that moder family doesn’t need father. She also said that she breads children for government so they should exempt her from paying taxes. When my son was 4 yo she got back to me talking again, only to ask for another child. I said that I’m not bringing another child into disfunction . She said that she needs bigger place and she will trap someone else. Since then we not talking again. So if u asked me if she would switch CB ? Well u can guess based on her way of thinking lol

In that case just apply you aren’t telling any lies . Do you have a ring door cam or anything like that to prove you have the child the majority of the time. So if she starts lying you can back up .

@GregAdams

Sarcasm and misandry . I thought ladies were fighting for equality. Funny how we all of a sudden not equal when the table is turned and a man needs help.

ODFOD

No camera . But message which she offered the arrangement which I replied yes that’s fine. She wouldn’t lie because even school knows what days he is with me because one time when he was late for school, the school didn’t know who to call so she gave them days he is with her/me

Why would it make any difference who takes him to the doctor? The people at HMRC couldn't possibly have access to that information. Is he registered at dr under your name or his mums? I wouldn't pay too much attention to a specific dads forum you're unlikely to get balanced advice anyway. I can assure you family law is not in favour of mums in almost every case they are set on dads getting their contact often even when it's far from the best interest of the child. Just apply and they'll tell you what requirements you need to fulfil. If your ex denies you have him that long or changes the status quo though it might be hard. It won't matter who's had him one extra day in the past they will only be interested who has him more at the time they look in to it. How about getting a court order first before you apply or even a signed formal arrangement? The 16 hours isn't a thing anymore either - you'd apply for universal credit and be expected to work or work search I think it's 30 or 35 hours with a dc that age. Their criteria for limited capacity for work is very different too. The uc work capability assessors are incredibly harsh.

@Freehugs

I have to pay it all back when I do my tax return. Don’t technically get a penny of it.

If you are paying it all back your individual earnings are in excess of £60,000 a year so you are in a minority

@StarCat2020

But this 20 gives you access to affordable housing which in London is impossible to get for single man I don't think it is as smple as that

It actually is. When I left my ex I had a problem applying for child benefit for baby dd2 that froze the payments for dd1, without child benefit I was unable to apply for income support, housing, tax credits and was left with 2 small dc over Xmas without a penny to my name. Child benefit is what entitles you to all other child related financial help

It's absolutely a gateway benefit that assists in terms of accommodation etc.

You mention tax credits and working 16 hours. That's now obsolete for new claimants. You'd have to claim universal credit with the child element and be expected to work a minimum of 25 hours at minimum wage or have the job centre on your back, unless your child has disabilities.

Regardless of your low opinion of your ex, if she receives the cb today, and the gateway elements this offers, you claiming this, would remove her financial security and more importantly your child's when he is there.

If you apply, the onus is on you proving that you should be claiming the cb and in effect why haven't you been for the last 2 years. And if she made a counterclaim saying that she has the child the majority of the week, for example when you include the school holidays if she has the child more, this may make her the primary caregiver as such. If it comes down to counterclaims, then ultimately the government will decide who should receive it.

If it was solely financially driven I'd suggest sharing it, but if its gateway driven then yes you'd need this. Just consider what's in your child's best interests if you have managed to date. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't claim it at all, just be mindful that this should be about your child.

Regardless of your low opinion of your ex, if she receives the cb today, and the gateway elements this offers, you claiming this, would remove her financial security and more importantly your child's when he is there.

I though of this but got the impression mum has more than one child so will still have access to partial benefits of this. Could be wrong though.

Some strange comments on this thread. It isn't 'just £20', it's £20 that can make a difference!

Can you just apply for the child benefit as a new claimant. See if that works? If they award it to you it will be taken away from her.. also why not try for full custody? What days/nights do you actually have DC?

Its not about who takes him to the doctor, but the address the surgery thinks the child lives at. So, if the GP sent a letter, which address does it go to? Same with school, which address do they hold on file as the primary address?. Thats the info HMRC will look at.

My BIL was in a similar situation, he was the main carer of his children and they stayed and slept most night at his.

His ex partner, she was and is the lower wage earner but she continued to claim the child benefit and also claimed (I think it was called) child tax credits to top up her wage.

Like you, this concerned BIL as he was seen as having no dependents. He made a claim for child benefit to be paid to him (his ex was known for blowing this on cigarettes and booze). Anyhow he made the claim citing he was the primary carer, and the payments were transferred to him and a letter sent to the ex stating why they had been suspended to her.

Oh and ex then had to repay the child tax credits she had been illegally claiming!

Sounds like you are entitled to it too OP, female here, but fully supported my BIL on this!

@emsmar

Can you just apply for the child benefit as a new claimant. See if that works? If they award it to you it will be taken away from her.. also why not try for full custody? What days/nights do you actually have DC?

Unless the child's dc is neglectful or abusive im not sure why you think that would be in the child's best interests

Sorry that was meant to say dm

You should apply for it OP. I’d say that even without your announcement of your sex. The person with main parental responsibility for the child should 100% have the benefit. Of course.
No need for anyone to lower the tone. :)

@liveforsummer
Unless the child's dc is neglectful or abusive im not sure why you think that would be in the child's best interests
I assume because with a cao that states he has 4 nights the mother 3 he'd have all he needs to claim the cb.

@ChoiceMummy I was replying to the pp who suggested he apply for full custody. For a child that's used to spending just under half they time with their mum and no doubt loves them. The suggesting of applying for full custody on the grounds of a benefits claim is a shocking one

@GregAdams

I don’t speak to the mother. She got pregnant and told me that moder family doesn’t need father. She also said that she breads children for government so they should exempt her from paying taxes. When my son was 4 yo she got back to me talking again, only to ask for another child. I said that I’m not bringing another child into disfunction . She said that she needs bigger place and she will trap someone else. Since then we not talking again. So if u asked me if she would switch CB ? Well u can guess based on her way of thinking lol

You were very silly to be so careless about where you left your sperm, then, weren't you.

As has been said, its not about the money. The parent who is the recipient of CB will be entitled to higher banding (even priority in some cases) for social housing. The non recipient parent will be classed as a single person.