Child benefit , it’s me again sorry!

[GregAdams]

Hello, 3 weeks ago I posted about child benefit. Basically I take care of my son 4 nights out of 7 . This arrangement had been going on since over 2 years now. My sons mother receives all benefits till this day. I received replies on here about applying for the child benefit, however I spoke to couple of people on forum ‘ dads with kids’ and as much as they sounded negative and scared of their exes ,they basically told me that I should stay under the radar and that HMRC child benefit people are going to do everything not to transfer this benefit only to keep it with the mother, they apparently are against men as the family law in general. They also told me that any silly excuse like my ex taking the child to doctors will most likely work against me. The thing is, child benefit website says whoever takes care of children for most days will get the benefit. I was planning to take my son to GP but he feels fine. I can’t really get record of me taking him to doctors as he doesn’t go more often than once or twice a year anyway. Should I wait for the need to go doctors first before applying? That might take some time though. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to apply and get rejected for some ridiculous reason and antagonising the situation at the same time. I just want to apply and get get it. I was confident after chatting on here first but then the guys from ‘Dads With Kids ‘ forum kinda put me off. My son is 7yo and I get school letters etc. I also go parents evenings. I’m sorry for rehashing this topic and I understand if I won’t get replies. I’m hoping to hear from someone who had similar situation ( a man maybe) or knows about another man who went through similar situation. I can only assume that if that was another woman applying for it ( second wife) things would have been better, maybe I’m wrong but those guys really put stuff in my head about system being so against men. Thank you.

@Cheekypeach

Can you even imagine the sexes being reversed

‘My kids dad has them 3 nights a week but insists upon all the benefits going to him’

I can only IMAGINE the responses on here

I thought exactly the same

Over 2 years

So why the urgency now?

Because I’m entitled to have support when carrying for my child. First two years up until December last year we agreed 50/50 . But.. most of the time my son didn’t want to go back to his mother and this resulted in staying longer than 50/50 . So for example from 1st of January 2021 till 30th December I ended up having him 210 nights. Finally my ex said at the end of December to keep him 4 nights starting from January 2022 which means it’s officially agreed as opposed to previous years when 50/50 was agreed but he ended up staying 60/40 . Now 60/40 is agreed on both sides

I would put the claim in the CB, as you’re the primary carer you should also be the priority contact at school and your address at the GP, dentist, optician etc.

My sons birth mun was claiming CB and other benefits for him, it was only discovered when I put my own claim in for CB before the earning changes. She would have been notified by letter, this then led to her opening another claim which cancelled mine, she did that three times.

The actual process of applying for CB then was fairly quick and simple, it didn’t take long for the first payment, but then that may be coincidence as I think everyone may be paid on the same day.

As an FYI, DadAF is a great app.

Right, so when you said two years, the truth is that 60/40 agreement has been in place for less than two months.

And you are already planning fake doctors appointments to get child benefit transferred to you.

From a woman you declare "breeds" to live on benefits.

I bet you genuinely call yourself a nice guy.

@simon ok does that mean I have to go to gp and change the address before applying, will they check this?

@escargoo what u talking about. My child spent with me 210 nights last year and in 2020 212 . How am I lying? But officially is agreed from January this year. So are u telling me that past two years didn’t happen?

Medical records aren’t linked to anything but the NHS, so other companies of course cannot access them.

Have you actually googled how to apply and looked at the process?

Jeez, it's really not hard.

You had an agreement that said 50/50 for all that time.

You only got the agreement that is enabling you to act this way, less than two months ago.

And you can't take her benefits quick enough, can you, on the one extra night you do.

You actually do 57/43 by the way (if you want to be accurate) that's what 4 nights equates too.

As soon as you could, that's what you went after, you've got multiple threads and it's only been a few weeks of your official 7% increase. The desperation is apparent. And it's not for £20.

What this is really about, is you know if she's not in receipt of CB, then she won't get most of her other benefits.

Dress it up all you like. You can see it in everything you say.

@simon no I haven’t I only called hmrc and told them my situation. They said to go online and print the application. I didn’t look at it any further because I saw replies from people berating me for trying to do it

Just apply with the situation as it is and see what happens. There's no point making opticians appointments for no reason.

@escargoo 57% in family court is called 60 . Someone checked me once and I verified it on family law website. Because I was also going around saying 57% . Ok so according to you I should ignore the fact that for 2 years each year I cared for my son 55 nights more than my ex while she was getting paid for it? Ok fine , so when do you think is right to apply?

Imagine the responses if a dad dropped his CMS by just £20 per week. I can bet people would think it was significant then. OP is entitled to it.

[quote GregAdams]@simon no I haven’t I only called hmrc and told them my situation. They said to go online and print the application. I didn’t look at it any further because I saw replies from people berating me for trying to do it[/quote]
Bit of a weird reason to not apply.

@simon yes look what people are saying to me on here. They literally [ not all] want to hang me for even thinking of it. Very funny how they no longer want to be equal when the table is turned and a man needs help. Look how quickly everyone goes back to their natural role

[quote GregAdams]@simon yes look what people are saying to me on here. They literally [ not all] want to hang me for even thinking of it. Very funny how they no longer want to be equal when the table is turned and a man needs help. Look how quickly everyone goes back to their natural role[/quote]
Just seems a very weird reason to not apply for CB.

@hoddog thank you,

So you're berating your ex for wanting to keep claiming the tax credits and child benefit for your child so she can live off it assuming without working and yet your talking about doing the same thing?

Is your low capability to work coming to an end?
Or you still have to do work searching?
And yet if you get the tax credits and child benefit for your child you will get more help including housing?

So your just attempting to do the same thing then op?

@wtfisgoing where u saw me berating her? I simply want benefit because I take care of my child most of the time. If she was doing it I wouldn’t even think of it . What’s your problem?

I understand what CB can mean in your situation - it's in your child's best interests to have a room at your place, especially if he's there most of the time. Depending on your age, as a single adult with (theoretically) no dependants, you may only be able to claim help with your rent towards a single room in a shared property. That's a far from ideal environment for a child.

I've only read the first two pages so I might have missed this - does your ex have other children at home?

If not, and if CB is awarded to you, then you would be putting your ex in the same situation and your son would then have nowhere suitable to stay when he's at hers.

This is one of the biggest shortcomings of the benefit system - it does not account for or accommodate shared parenting.

If she has other children, and especially if she has three or more altogether, it will make a much smaller difference for her, and for your son when he's there, if she was to lose the CB for him. In this case it might be worth offering her back the face value of CB in exchange for you being the claimant and so able to access the additional benefits that CB entitles you to.

You obviously don't think much of her but she's your son's mother and you think she's good enough to have him for 3 nights a week. You have managed to co-parent for a few years, so while things have not always been amicable they have at least been stable.

It's worth at least attempting to discuss this with her because it's far easier to get CB changed if you both agree. If that fails, put in an application to have it changed. Go to CAB first and ask for help with the kind of evidence they're looking for and how to get it.

But in all of this (especially when discussing with ex) focus on what's best for your son, not on how hard done by you feel.

Stay off MRA forums

Is your limited capability for work a long term thing? The best thing you could do for your son is to aim towards getting back to work as soon as possible. It's an employee's market at the moment so if at all possible it's worth getting back out there as soon as you can.

@GregAdams

It’s like this school doesn’t want to accept me other than babysitter. Definitely I am not being treated like the mother. I feel embarrassed now even bringing this up with them because it sounds like I’m begging for acknowledgment and approval which they are for some reason reluctant to give me

School must have mum as main carer then that's why she is called and guessing they have mums address as registered address as to where he lives. My ds dad gets school reports,letters sent to him as I told the school they could send them otherwise they wouldn't. Mum will have togo the school and change address to say he lives with you only then will they know your the main carer

You only have him 1 extra night seems silly all the messing why not just ask her to split it with you or you get £12 for 4 nights she gets £8 for 3 night she still has to provide for them 3 days.

[quote GregAdams]@live for summer why would I worry about her financial security when I have my son most of the time and no one worries about child when he lives with me . Are you saying that I’m not a parent and therefore my situation is not important at all ?[/quote]
Because your son spends three nights a week there? What kind of conditions do you want him to be living in during the almost half a week when you are not around?

I'm not saying the current arrangement is fair but you absolutely should care about this.

Stop focusing on yourself, focus on your son and his best interests.

@Bakewelltart987

You only have him 1 extra night seems silly all the messing why not just ask her to split it with you or you get £12 for 4 nights she gets £8 for 3 night she still has to provide for them 3 days.

I think from reading it it's becuase if you get the CB you get access to the housing for the child