Have enjoyed reading this.
I was a domestic violence advisor for many years and I learned a thing or two. I came up with the idea of the sliding scale....how far along do you want to be on that scale? We have murder and rape and dismembering and things like that right up the one end of the scale, and then we have language like slag/slut, saying 'she deserved it because of how she was dressed' down the other. Would you grab her by the neck? No? But you would grab by the arm? Why? What about the hair?
For me it's all about how far every man wants to go along that scale. I have been so hugely disappointed by some men. Even this one very popular good looking young man who worked in the women's hostel with us, the older hardcore feminists loved him, but one night he sought me out and explained that he lost respect for a woman when she had sex with him, and his new girl was ready to go to bed. He didn't even get his own sexism, yet he loved being well regarded and good for the vulnerable women. And he didn't even get his own sexuality, or the sexuality of his partner, and he was going to enter the fray not knowing he didn't know, and the result was the woman he engaged with would be labelled by him as morally cheap. That just about sums the problem up for me.
I want to see men doing equal house work, child care. I see men in the pub moaning about lack of sex with their wives yet who's at home doing bedtime bathtime while said man is chilling with his pint?
I want it recognised that women like sex just as much as men and there is no moral degradation when a woman likes sex. It's about as stupid as saying women are worth more if they deny themselves sleep.
We also need to look at the idea of beauty and ownership. A massive can of worms there.
So my question is, how far along the scale are you? Are you using language that people are cringing at? Do you call women slags or sluts? Do you say things like 'I'd do that' meaning you'd have sex with that woman.
And it's also good that someone else on this thread brought up the fact that white collar DV abusers absolutely ABOUND. I cannot tell you the top city men, the Drs, the policemen (not white collar) and all sorts of other men you'd assume were good men but who were throwing things across the kitchen, watching for dust, commenting on lengths of skirts or hair or not letting wives go out or on holiday, despite doing it themselves. And the violence! All behind closed doors. And what do you get in response? Well he did this, this and this. Well I don't care, he's an XYZ and I forgive bumming a few boys for that. Well, you don't KNOW he did it, it's just HER saying it.
Btw did you know that when an old Shock famous boozer footballer beat his wife's face so badly she ran down to the hotel lobby covered in blood and crying, they said SHE had to leave because SHE was bring the place down. Footballing hero, doesn't matter about the woma.
My answer to this would be along these lines -
Ban violence in movies. There is a link, well documented.
Ban non consensual porn.
Teach men that they do now do cleaning, cooking, shopping and what used to be wife work. If you move in with a woman and she is doing more work then she was doing when you didn't live with her, don't go on incel moaning about women when she throw you out. Own up to the fact that you think women should do most of the housework because that's just the way it is and you don't care that it is detrimental to her happiness.
Create not prisons, more boot camps for unruly gangs and troublesome people. Up at 7, make your bed, out for a run, decent breakfast, learn a skill, time with mummy making up for what you didn't get as a kid, let's have s routine, let's learn to spell, let's learn plumbing, camping, etc. four years later move to a half way house, get a job, continue on, no fighting, no drinking, no shouting at strangers, no violence.
I'd do big advertising campaigns clarifying what is wrong and right. Grabbing people, touching any sexual area, projecting sex onto women in a professional environment, pushing, shoving, thinking it is your right to be in control etc....a huge campaign to raise awareness.
I would remove all naked female images, or you have to explain the link between endless female sexuality on display as normal and sexual offences, AND if you want to keep it, you must match it with a naked male on prominent display.
Clarify the matter of 'why isn't there a MEN'S day???' Every day is men's day.
Massively increase sentencing for assaults. Ask judges why they let people off. Ask lawyers and barristers why they use their intelligence to free violent males.
And many other things.
My bottom line however is that the times we live in, men have not been taught equality because it makes life harder for them. (I have to wash my OWN pants! I have to clean the toilet! I have to do Christmas shopping!!!) and they don't know, don't like and don't care. Many females won't shack up with a male now, when we can pay our own way and enjoy our lives more, and the fact that the sad divorced men think this is about women instead of asking themselves WHY she didn't want to remain living with him, is the answer. Maybe in a couple of generations, we will have young men who can take care of themselves and don't look down on women.
As for me, I've had nice partners but never married any. I am solvent, own my own place, love my own space but do share it with a rugby playing gentle giant.....who made me smile not long ago by taking to task his GAY workmate, who is seeing a girl, and not wanting to fuck her, but wanted to have a go at her for staying out late at a party. It does sink in, but pick that apart eh?