I did bad things.
I am a convicted criminal. The worst thing you can be, according to normal society which I am not a part of.
I don't do anything. Go on here. Watch tv. Go to the shop occasionally. I didn't have wet food in for my lovely cat yesterday but didn't even manage to get out to a shop. I sleep, eat, repeat. I don't wash, I am a dirty evil criminal so deserve to be dirty. I'm tainted. I can't ever be normal or clean.
My family always hated me, my 'sisters' always preferred each other and ignored me and don't care I exist. My parents were emotionally abusive, toxic. I was bullied throughout school and afterwards. I attract it, people can sense I'm a freak.
I was so terrified by the police when going through it, they intimidated and then laughed at me, I was told I was just attention-seeking and not really suicidal, they ignored my mental health problems, I was punished for self-harming,literally mocked eg calked hysterical, the 'nurse' ?mocked me and they all ssid such awful things about me, it was torture, I get flashbacks and panic if I see police. Very powerful people hate me in this town I can't leave. MH services and police want me dead. I almost wish police would just come for me. I am scum and deserve to be in prison, but I couldn't cope, so would end my life there,
I couldn't cope with the you know getting out of bed, washed let alone find the energy to socialise, my friends are all over the country but none where I am currently and I have a housing association flat so can't move, I see no-one let alone have a partner, I'm a freak with abnormalities anyway and self-harm scars so who would want that? I have medical issues that mean I am unlikely to conceive, signed up here when trying, but had a miscarriage and that relationship broke down.
I am blacklisted by services and black marked on systems as evil. I have MH issues. MH services hate me, think I am evil, there are lies about me in my notes. ,SS will see all this and would remove any child anyway. Let alone let me foster or adopt. I am on the scrapheap. I am mid 30s snd haven't worked in years due to MH. I wish I could work with other people who are going through mh issues one day, but, criminal record. I must deserve this for being evil. I amserving a life sentence and I can't, I don't think I can go on. What future do I have. Don't panic btw I didn't say I am about to do anything immediately. I can't see what I have to live for though. My cat is basically the only thing keeping me going, how pathetic is that. I don't know why I'm posting but I can't bear this.