Coming Clean by Liz Fraser

[RhinoRhino]

A couple of threads that I had posted on relating to the Memoir ‘Coming Clean’ by Liz Fraser have been deleted from the MN site, apparently due to non-compliance of the MN guidelines from the posters. MN are obviously well within their rights to delete threads if they demonstrably fail to comply with their guidelines, nevertheless I feel strongly that MN posters are given a platform to critique this book, and also any other public ventures by this author. It would be neither fair nor right that posters are completely silenced in this particular matter.

As such, and in line with Mumsnet not seeing “anything wrong with honest feedback” I would like to make the comment that Coming Clean as a Memoir falls short due to the shaky and not entirely truthful narrative. There are certain facts contained within this memoir that are easily disprovable (for example, relating to the marital status of both author and her partner when they started their ill-fated affair), which leaves a massive question mark over the rest of the book. Is it entirely reasonable to make money from something that is promoted as truthful when it is, in fact, not entirely true?

I think there are people whose lives have been negatively impacted by the book and its subject matter, and I hope that MN will agree that these people should have a voice, as should anybody who wants to comment on a published piece of work.

As long as posters align their comments with the MN guidelines, this is a topic that people may wish to keep discussing, and also keep in the public domain. And if MN wants to provide a set of rules particular to this thread – certainly if they are arbitrary and differ from the general guidelines - I am sure it would be very helpful.

Mumsnet, please help us to help each other by keeping in the public domain something that us silenced mums feel should be out there.

Copenhagen was a solo trip
of me time she could have updated her bios then when a solo parent of a school aged child you get 6 hours a day of me time especially when you don’t have a pesky real office job getting in the way

Your poor mother, but poor you too to have been denied, tragically, a relationship with your dad.

There is a cleaning lady who mr ruined she’s widowed and herself is living with cancer. How goes Liz thinks she’s helping her or you or your mother. She’s cruel in her selfishness. She’s obsessed. With herself. I am so sorry for what you were not able to experience as a child and now as an adult. Your mum too. Xxx

Did she take the mirror and lemon in her props bag?! Barking. Mad.

Hold on. Is that a bunk bed behind her? Perhaps she in prison 😂😂

Thank you. I used to desperately covet my friends' dads, at the same time being terrified of them!!
I made myself ensure that my eldest had a positive and good relationship with her dad when we split up - however hard it was for me. And it was!

If I’m ever fortunate enough to go on a retreat I’ll not be taking my phone. No way.

There’s quite a lot of editing still to do 🤔 as it still says she writes ‘no matter what the deadline’.

Also what category was Coming Clean no 1 in as it certainly wasn’t the Sunday Times which is what it implies. I’m guessing one of those random niche categories on Amazon.

Also as a journalist and writer and editor of copy you would think she would know the difference between an en dash and a hyphen (ex publishing person here)

@Tortiemiaw, so sorry to hear your story. My cousins suffered similarly when my aunt was widowed with 4 kids at a similarly young age. She didn’t cope very well, and despite the rest of her siblings doing what they could to help, all 4 cousins have been deeply affected by their childhoods (and oldest now in late 60s).

so I heard tales of negligées and crotch shots so had a look. Oh My God what are the Venezia “special hotels” going to think of her oh so professional behaviour????!??

Promise yourself this, Liz. Take yourself on a self-obsessedcation. Oh! But that's 365 days a year tho! Not a mini break!

Apparently, she's getting lots of DMs from people who Understand What She Is Saying. That's lucky because she only gets about 3 comments on actual instagram.

I think going off on a selfcation is an amazing idea. Er...if you have plenty of money, no responsibilities, and somewhere (several somewheres) to just rock up to and announce you are FREE and NEED SPACE TO READ AND BEEEEEEEEE.

Oh, here we go. Maybe self care is NOT taking a photo of your near-naked self and uploading it every 10 minutes? Fat chance of a RECOVERY (LF's favourite word) from this addiction ever being achieved.

For the first time since she’s had her Oxford home L has the chance to enjoy it. No one but herself to worry about. Nope. Off to a hotel. Does she rent it out? Is that why she had to have a mega clean the second she got back and the giant son is nowhere to be seen?

So she’s in a public spa with a camera. Dodgy.
She just up the road. Weird.
A quick google tells us Graduate Hotels in the uk are in Oxford and Cambridge… if not just up the road, is she in Cambridge on a mission to wind someone up? Either way, it’s not a cheap few days away and for £30 an hour, she could have used the spa and then eaten the tomatoes at home.

I suspect the giant son is nowhere to be seen because he only stayed for a couple of days.

Is he still at the uni she kept revealing?

Was he doing a summer placement thing as there has been no gushing happy families graduation post for him (yet)?

Was he with her until he sorted out a house share or went back home properly to Cambridge or away with his mates for a summer holiday?

Was there any truth in the previous suggestion that when he did visit Oxford he stayed with the multi-millionaire grandparents rather than with the mother who abandoned him?

I didn’t think cameras were allowed in spas. In Thermae Bath Spa they lock your phone up until you’re leaving the building…

I certainly don't think the photo where she is writing earlier in the day is at a Graduate Hotel. Not the same decor. Looks more like she's at home in her very white-interior house and then
popped out to the Graduate Hotel
spa. Particularly as she reads lots of criticism on here about having more money than she lets on and lots of holidays: I expect she's getting a kick out of winding people up about being on a lavish w/e away.

I think it’s more boring than all that. I think LF is making a great deal of something when she’s simply got a comp night in a local hotel - probably so she can then pitch a roundup of city stays or something. It won’t be costing her anything but nor is the hotel paying for her incredible press services. This is the bit of freelance writing which tipped me over the edge and caused me to leave. You can’t pay for a bag of Tescos shopping with freebies and back scratches!
Only a very privileged person can live like this.

She previously said he was doing his degree gap year in Oxford. I can’t see living with her as simple as slotting in back at “home.” At home hasn’t been with her for a longtime. If she was in a relationship with Mike for 8 years it’s at least this long since her son lived with her and he’s only 20 now. Plus she keeps banging on about the freedom of her new life. She’s not mentioned once how great this time will be to reconnect with her son. If he is/was there it won’t be long until there is a blow up about her behaviour. he’s an adult now, seeing the world through adult eyes. Past history to go by, I imagine she’s impossible to live with.

How much “me time” does anyone need? Now I’m semi retired and the kids are almost through uni and (sadly) I’ve inherited some money) I’m fortunate to have more spare time and disposable income and I use this to enjoy life with my friends and family.

I imagine for many single women with children, there is plenty of alone time. Even married and working, raising children can be lonely. So why sit in hotel rooms alone, reading “the right books” when you could enjoy the company of friends, doing uplifting activities, enjoying spa days as a group and reading and watching films that have been written with no purpose other than to entertain.

@SundayNight I think the son is still at university and must be around (if at all) as it's the summer break. Also, I don't think the Mike relationship lasted 8 years. About 5 absolute maximum. If not less.

I would be crediting her with too much intelligence if I thought she was sending out a subliminal message this weekend - her poor taste joke about the lift and then a photo of her reading about the Mitford sisters. Spoilt Oxfordshire girls who wrecked marriages and pursued men most wouldn’t, Oswald Moseley and Adolfo Hitler being another! A group of fascist not feminist women 🤷‍♀️

I think that’s just it though @CambridgeBuns, it’s the utter LACK of family and friends that’s so starkly apparent through all this.

She mentions family WhatsApp group chats, random occasional coffees with friends, fleeting duty visits from the grown-up wounded children — but that’s it, these are just mentions. Her Instagram is just gurning selfies and thirst shots and spam-nonsense about Venice and pretending to be a travel writer/ publisher/ DV ambassador/ part of the school mums group.

She may pretend to have a rich inner life, but like the posed “toned arm in mirror selfie” at the weekend it’s all just a facade. And there’s definitely no rich outer life for myriad reasons.

its just her, her stinky converse and her poor buggy-stuffed daughter — although at least S now has exposure to a more normal existence. It’s pitiful really

@SplatPancake Ahhhhhh fabulous. Thank you for using the word 'myriad'
properly. I'm an editor, though not as "MERCILESS" ( 🤣🤣🤣🤣) an editor as Liz, who can't edit or punctuate to save her life.

You could offer her a job…. 😂😂😂

Thank you @Raffington55 — I used to be a (science) editor when I was a GIRL, before LIFE etc., etc. 🤣